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I was thinking that it's interesting how internet in general, bring people closer to each other. You get to know how people spend their days, what do they think, love, hate and believe. And yet if I bump in the street into any of these people, which I interact daily with, I would not recognize them.

Well since I do not really encourage posting personal photos on the web, I wanted to feel closer to you guys, by posting what I look at while communicating with you.

Hence this is the view on my desk at work ; ) you can notice the piles of paper work ….

All for now....

Tears

Crying has always been a subject that I was not too comfortable with. It seems that some long time ago I was told that crying is for the weak, and somehow I managed not to cry in public. now I know that this is not correct and that you need to be very brave to be able to cry, especially in public.

That is no longer the issue, because in time I became accustomed to not crying almost at all, and the problem was when I really really needed to shed a few tears and get it out of my system, it became a Herculean task !

In time again I have learned to cry, mostly in prayer " Salah" or when reciting the holly Qura'an, but still I'm working on getting that capability again in full mode, because I felt that its taking a physical materialization effecting my health, I get back pains, headache and even stomach aches, in addition to other physical manifestations of stress or sadness, every time When I hold any of these feelings in.

Today I got this message from RealAge, and it confirms that its healthy to shed a tear from now and then. I found it interesting ….hope you do too.

Don't hold back the tears. According to the RealAge doctors, a good cry now and
then may do a body good. Just as sweat removes salt, urine removes waste, and
mucus traps bacteria, tears also serve a purpose. Emotional tears -- shed in
moments of intense feeling -- carry stress hormones and are a way of getting rid
of them. Even if crying embarrasses you, it signals that you've reached a level
of stress that's detrimental to your health. So let it out.

Your
body makes several kinds of tears:
Basal tears are produced continuously to keep your eyes lubricated;
that layer of moisture also helps prevent damage from air currents and bits of
floating debris.
Irritant tears are produced when the eyes
are hit by flying sand, grit, insects, etc.
Emotional tears
are released in moments of intense feeling -- sometimes joy, but more often
sorrow. Unlike basal or irritant tears, which are protective, emotional tears
are hormonal and chemically different

All for now ....

One of the colors of my silence

Silence has many colors to me and I believe to many of you as well. Some of my silences are blue, some are green and some read. I came a cross a new color of silence … but I cannot tell what color it is .....

Have you every been in such a beautiful silence that for the hopes of this moment not ending you could not say a word …take another breath….have you ever been in a blissful storm that you did not want to ever end and hence remained silent? Add to that a thorn, would you scream of pain or stay silent because the beauty is more overwhelming than the pain?

One of my silences smell like fear ….smell like hope ….smell like a new born baby …

I cannot tell the color no matter how hard I try to look seems like pink glasses will distort the colors ….have you ever submerged your self totally in water that you no longer can smell …see correctly ….nor hear , but your heart beat and thoughts …this is the new silence I have discovered…I cannot tell you what color it is …can any one tell me what the color of this silence is ?

The Grand Escape

During the years I have faced some bad and stressful times (Haven't we all). At times the circumstances need far more courage than I have at the time to deal with, or need more inelegance to solve the problems than I have. So the mind tends to try and escape …

Sleeping is one of the forms of escape, especially in your teens. We tend to escape thinking of our problems, by sleeping assuming that we have to wait out the storm, which is usually a misconception and at the end we have to face the demons.

Drinking and Drug abuse are also escape mechanisms, much alike to sleeping your mind ceases to function and thus unable to think about all the bad things going on in your life. So your feeling better …well that is until you wake up the next morning.

Work, this is my favorite during this time, I tend to concentrate more on the work on hand, so I will not have the time to think about the things that are too painful to think about. This one of the reasons I think we bury our selves in work !!

Denial which is simply ignoring the problem and pretending it does not exist. In a way it is close to the ways mentioned above, since as well it is in the class of ( not to think of it).

Another type of escape is when we feel crappy about something in our lives, so we look for comfort and satisfaction in something else, like over eating and you have heard of comfort foods !! or partying all the time or even at times over exercising.

These are the forms of escape I have noticed, please if you know any other forms please let me know. You might think why did I post about this ? well I think the problem in many times that we don't know what we are doing, with the sleep for example you would hear people say " I don't know what's going on I just feel tired all the time " its not that they thinking well I have this big problem I will go hibernate till it passes by itself !!

The problem is that most of these things come naturally, and I think facing that will be the step in the right direction, in taking control of our lives.

All for now ....

Post "Tangled" …

Since I wrote "Tangled " it seems that everything in my life got so tangled !! I have officially jinxed myself

At work, we have an audit going on, and if you have ever been in a five mile radiance of an audit you know they are NOT pleasant; there is always this one piece of paper that is missing. Ahhh so not happy times at work.

Decisions, I have to make two major decisions that are kind of "tangled" together. The first is that I'm considering changing my job, I have an interview that is promising this week, I hope it works out! Two is that I'm thinking of buying a new car and I cannot make that financial decision before I know where I'm going to work and how much I will be making.

Things are so tangled at work – besides the usual busy- and on a personal level, in life unfortunately there is no quick and easy solution!! I wish there is a key in life that says ( Solve All Problems).

On another note, I really miss Amman in the winter, all the tourists have gone home, streets are emptier and you can actually have a pleasant meal out without obnoxious kids and Khaliji men!!

Soon I will post something serious I just wanted to let you people know that I'm alive and still TANGLED.

All for now .....

Tangled...

The little butterfly is a caught in the spider's web ...Shaking her fragile wings that have so many times taken her away from danger….

She is still caught in the web...No matter how hard she tries to get out of the web, she is still not able to shake it of ….so tangled in the web that even freeing one of her wings in longer enough.

She needs a burst of energy...a burst of rebellion …a strong effort to get out of the web …to get back to the fields … the flowers …all her friends ...To be again under he warm sun and drink from the pure dew in the morning. She has a lot to aspire for and live for but the spider is getter nearer by the minute.

She has consumed all her energy fighting through the night, and now with the promise of a new warm day breaking through, she is loosing hope in ever being free….

Will she gather all the energy of her being to break through …and fly freely among the fields?