Tamara's Corner

Delusion or Illusion

2011-04-03T05:15:00.001-04:00

Delusion or Illusion I came across people who are all talk and no action. I personally I could spot them really fast. Some of them I love to spend time with them. They are what we call” 3ree9 “I have a friend who is just that and I love to spend time with him, he is hilarious but you know that nothing he said is true. When I whispered that in hubby’s ear he got the question mark of his face and started to have fun. Things are not funny though when you put your trust in someone, who you expect to be a professional, a philanthropist and a friend then turns out to be a disappointment, an insulting disappointment. Have people become better at pretending, or did I become gullible all of a sudden. I have no explanation how can people preach what they don’t practice. And get damn good at preaching and damn bad at practice. Sadly some believe that they do in fact preach what they practice… is it delusion or an illusion I no longer trust myself to judge. PS: There are far more important issues at the time,- which I’m not an expert to write about-but I had to write something so I don’t explode.

Old School vs. New School

2011-01-28T12:06:00.001-05:00

Old School vs. New School

As I have mentioned before,during the past few weeks I have been in Serbia handling a few documents. and in the newly democratized country or newly capitalized country if you would. things are bureaucratic and foggy. so i was going crazy registering and getting my passport and registering Mira. any way that is not the point. what struck my attention is the old family friend who has been helping us work through the system.

I noticed that he tends to listen to what ever the "civil servants" would tell him whiteout discussion. My brother or I would question and ask about the regulations, he did not have the inclination to question anything they say or any document they ask for. which I find really strange. another thing is he wants to finish a task before starting the next one, even though we would save a lot of time and money for that matter if we did a few steps in parallel, he resisted every time my brother or I would suggest doing so.

Not sure if this is really the difference between older people who lived in another time, or is it an ex-Communist regime thing. but I am always struck by how older people " our parents generation" view a working week as short waiting period were we view it as a huge waste if time, just because we live in a very fast time. and they lived in a time where things were taken slower.

I see this as an advantage we have over them, but also I lament the fact that we did not have the chance to sit back and relax. and not to have to stress about deadlines, not to have to run in circles all the time. Time means more to us than it did not them, a lot of time what my dad would view as a task needing a week, I think if I worked in this speed I would be fired !

Not sure which is better and which is worse but there is a difference. I guess one day we would be old school too.

PS. The photo above is taken by my brother in the near by park a couple of days ago.

Walking the streets of my childhood

2011-01-23T12:06:00.001-05:00

This s a picture we took yesterday

Walking the streets of my childhood Walking through the old streets of Nis is an amazing feeling. I decided to put the never ending trail of paperwork behind me for the weekend and just walk the streets of my childhood. its is such and interesting feeling walking with my daughter in the city that has witnessed my own first steps. seeing her play in the places I did play in when I was a child and discover the things that I have once discovered. in a way I feel like I see my self as a child. Somehow winter in Serbia has a distinct smell, the smell of cold air filled with snow and the smoke for the old chimneys somehow bring back long lost memories of days in the snow and bundling up in small warm homes. I am in a way happy that my daughter will have my memories and she can build on them. and maybe I will see her one day a woman with her child in the streets of Serbia.

How human we are ....

2011-01-06T06:13:00.002-05:00

How human we are ...

How can someone be with us one moment breathing living loving and all of a sudden with no preparation leave. I like to believe, no I believe that they start a new and fresh life a form of life we cannot imagine, they just move on the natural next step of life. I guess we get prepared for this day in a way or another, but the idea and the pain is so profound to conceive and understand that we choose to ignore it in the hope that it will not happen to us or to the ones that we love.

I guess we get put face to face with our weakness and humanity, it’s a humbling experience. In a strange way it is empowering to know that we can handle pain and we can find hope and life and happiness even in the darkest of times. This makes you think of how this life will never be perfect, and how we need really to count our blessings. My daughter and my husband have helped me in so many ways, that now the small things are put in perspective. You get to see and feel first hand the marvel of humans …the marvel of the creation. The marvel of the creator

Feelings have a force so strong so universal, language imprisons feelings its like trying to fit the sea in a jar, you attempt to take the feelings and memories of the happy times near the see, by picking a few rocks or shells or some salty water. But it cannot be the same it’s a small and trivial part of what sea actually is.

Words fall short, I wish I had a better grasp on words and language that I could use them to express what I feel inside maybe it could release some of the pressure inside. I wish my word and prayers could turn into angles that will travel the skies and depths of the earth and carry my message of love and gratitude. I wish I could in some way some form help you and be with you…I wish I can send you some of the love you so generously surrounded us with. I wish and I wish and I pray and I miss you and love you

2011-01-05T06:35:00.003-05:00

To the fountain of love

This is one of the hardest things I had to write in my life. And I say I had because there is a burning feeling that is compelling me to write something about her.

Dear mother …its so hard to live without you, without your warmth and love. I could not expect- being such an independent person as I am- that I would be missing you so much. So many times I wish I could just see you for one more time. To see the love in your eyes. You have given me so much in my life, more than I ever gave you credit for, more than I thanked you for. I know you lived your life trying to give us the things that you never had and wished you had, and you died with us having a lot and you having nothing. I have hope against hope and belief against belief that you are in a better place.

I don’t feel like my self ..I feel like a little girl that has lost her mother. What is keeping me sane is the promises of seeing you again, and that you are some place happy.

Belle, the original cast(Garou, Daniel, Patric)

2011-01-05T05:37:00.000-05:00

This is one of my favorit songs of all times. I thought I would share it with the world.

I actually love Garou :) he has an amazing voice.

blue field

2010-12-28T08:52:00.001-05:00

I woke up and started my walk through the blue fields; my feet in the soft sand, my arms caressing the wind, my skin absorbing the warmth and smell of jasmine filling my soul. With closed eyes I opened all my senses to see and hear and feel and taste all the things that I could not before. How nice it is to wake up one day in a blue field.

Resilience of feelings

2010-12-28T03:41:00.002-05:00

Resilience of feelings

I am in general a very positive person and a happy one. I don’t like to be sad or upset for a long time. So naturally I look for the good and positive side of things. Since this is who I am and how I see things, I simply did not notice that, until I came in contact with the opposite. The negative people who tend to be unhappy more than happy, and see the negative sides of anything more than the positive. Some people claim they see the bright side but you can see on their faces that they don’t.

Having such a person in your life is energy draining, and difficult to handle especially if that person depends on you for emotional support. I have dealt with several people with that tendency, but not all of them are like that for the same reason, or in the same degree.

Why I’m saying that, well because if you are the positive person and someone is draining all your energy you have the right to your self to put a limit to it. And if you are the negative person you might reflect upon yourself and try to change, try not harming the people around you. If you are a mother please spare your children the trauma, if you are friend don’t abuse the friendship. And most importantly don’t abuse your self. This life will never be perfect, if you wanted 100 % of something 70% of it is still great, and more than a lot of people have.

The strange thing is that some people see their negativity as striving for perfection, or ambition or a vast knowledge, so they see other people who are happy with less, as people lacking the understanding and vision, this is why they are happy with what they have, they don’t know of anything better. That people who are working to get something better, but are happy in the process lack ambition.

I don’t want to stretch the subject….I just suggest that we all have a honest look at our selves, do you feel you are a positive person? if yes give your self examples and think deeper into it. If truly you are positive that is great for you, if no try to work on it because you have a great effect on those around you who love you and care for you, they naturally want you to be happy, and that is not easy and thus they is an emotional strain.

Sorry

2010-06-01T04:29:00.000-04:00

Sorry Gaza …Sorry Palestine
Sorry for I am so busy with other things I don’t have time to care
Sorry I say it now because a week later I will forget to say sorry

See I am trebly busy and have a lot of interests and responsibilities
So I don’t have much time or interest to care about you or others like you
I will be very happy to see you happy …but I cannot help ease your pain
I live in my own air bubble so it’s very hard to understand what you are going through
See I have never been hungry unless I was preparing my stomach for a feast
I have never been cold unless I set my AC on too low
I have never been in the dark unless it was to get my beauty sleep
So you must understand why things are the way they are

While I am on the subject
Sorry mothers who have sick children without health care
Sorry crushed fathers who cannot feed their hungry children
Sorry older lonely people
Sorry Orphans
Sorry my neighbor with no roof
Sorry bear feat beggars
Sorry abused children
Sorry widows
Sorry all of you who don’t belong to my country club

Sorry I have no time to continue I’m late for my hair appointment and traffic so bad because of some demonstrations

Shame on you Ministry of Health

2010-04-28T08:21:00.001-04:00

Shame on you Ministry of Health

I get really pissed when we got to Mecca Mall or City Mall and getting chocked since every one is smoking. Though in all honesty one has to say City Mall is far better than Mecca mall in that aspect. Baby Mira Hubby and I all are allergic to cigarette smoke, we don’t have a good night sleep if we inhale the smoke if cigarettes while at the mall. Living close by and the mall being stroller friendly makes it quite attractive if it was not for all the damn smoking!

I was in Syria early this week, as we always like to think we are far more modern and organized. Guess what Syria’s Ministry did a far better job than our Ministry of Health!! They informed the public about the law of banning smoking in public areas, gave seminars on the subject, and now even though the law is not fully applied yet no one is smoking in the restricted areas. I got so frustrated! We have tax laws mastered to the cent. Even though it’s a new law,Traffic violations are strictly monitored, speed traps every were. And yet there is smoking in public places were children are with no one to stop them. And we seem unable to get that done, surprise !!

I really really feel like suing the Malls and the Ministry of Health ! this is getting really frustrating.

Selfish Generosity

2010-04-12T06:00:00.000-04:00

Selfish Generosity

I personally consider myself as a generous person, but I have noticed something about my self a while ago and watched it in other people as well. So I decided to write about it. I first noticed this the first time I asked someone (I think my sister) what she wanted for her birthday and she said cash! I did not like it I wanted to go out look for something nice fir her, then I posed to think I wanted to make her happy ,and she will be if she got what she wanted, it will cost me the same maybe even less, so why do I hate it ? I wanted to make her happy my way ….thus probably I wanted to make myself happy more than her. This is when it struck me, I’m are being selfish

I noticed this type of behavior a lot, someone will hear about a poor family and rush to the supermarket and buy them a lot of food, we don’t think to ask them what they need, and if they tell you they would rather have cash we don’t like it. Why? When it makes a lot of sense since they can make a 10 JOD more useful than we can, they might need to pay rent, utility bills ….etc

Again, we build a lot of mosques and when you tell people building a project for the poor to work in or a road or medical equipment is more needed than the fancy carpets in mosques they get offended, why ?

We are simply selfish; we do what makes us happy not what is the most needed for the others. I hope we all take a pose and think about the recipient first. Think what our country needs …and it definitely does not need more mosques. We need to create jobs for the poor, better schools , more libraries ….

Lost Sense of Security

2010-03-30T03:08:00.002-04:00

Lost sense of Security

This time I'm coping something written by my colleague, not our of laziness or lack of inspiration but out of urgency. you will understand once you read what she has to say.

Hello everyone,

This is not a spam or virus or anything like that. This email is to warn you about an awful incident that happened to me last week, Wednesday, March 25, 2010, and seems to be an epidemic in Jordan. Please read this and forward it to your family, friends and everyone you think should know about this!

I live near the Royal Automobile Club - 7th circle, and my office is literally a four minute walk from my house. Since the weather started warming up, I have been walking to work. So on Wednesday, on my way to work I was stopped by a taxi, with a driver and two women in their late 30’s - early 40 who asked for change for JOD 20 in a non Jordanian dialect (probably, Moroccan, Algerian or Tunisian). I waved them away and walked on. The women behind the driver asked me again, politely using a ‘motherly’ tone that made me think ‘why not! I’ll help them’, so I opened my wallet took out two 10’s handed them over to the women in the car, took the 20, they thanked me, I thanked them and I walked on. Should this have been a robbery they would have taken my wallet and drove away that minute, because they had easy access!

That’s when the driver pulled his car very close to me while I was walking, which made me jump on the sidewalk, and the exact same women that used the ‘motherly’ tone started asking me aggressively where I was going, and that they wanted me to get in the car with them so that they would take me wherever I was going. I told them to go away, and walked faster, trying to keep my distance from the taxi. They kept insisting until I held my mobile and shouted ‘I’m calling the police!’, the driver then shoved his door open, which blocked my way and jumped on me trying to grab my arm, I don’t know how I got loose from his grip, and I started running and shouting down the street! The street I’m talking about is a residential street less than 100 Meters away from my house! The women started shouting ‘She’s getting away!’ the man was shouting ‘I will get you!’ That’s when another car drove down the road and they drove off!

I spent the whole day giving statements from one police department to another, trying to identify pictures of ex-convicts and felons. And I learned that this is a gang responsible for human trafficking. They choose a girl with a certain criteria, they watch her and learn her every move, where she goes, when she arrives, leaves and everything. They kidnap the girl when least expected then take her to a farm, drug her, rape her, video tape it, threaten her, and give her an ultimatum, become a prostitute or they will show this to the world. This leads to forced prostitution, slavery and human trafficking.

I also learned that a girl in Sweifieh was kidnapped around two months ago, witnesses say a taxi and two women took her.
Now I have police following me every morning and night. I do not feel safe, and I am scared out of my mind because apparently they might attack again. It is our right to feel safe walking in our own country, not looking over our shoulder, scared for your sisters, daughters, cousins, and friends. This is crime against basic human rights, women’s rights and children’s rights.
As horrible as this may sound, but it is true! I don’t want to sound mean, or insensitive, but this could happen to anyone, this isn’t one of the stories you hear and think, this will never happen to me, my sisters, my cousins, my friends or my daughter, but I am a regular someone, a sister, a cousin, a friend and a daughter.

They have taken my sense of security, safety and human compassion; don’t let them do the same to you. Please circulate this message to all your girlfriends and family, and talk about it, let’s make sure everyone is aware of this. Keep an out eye for each other.
Be safe and careful!

Zein

The Battle Field Called Marriage

2010-03-23T09:27:00.002-04:00

I have been as lazy as lazy can get and I did not post in a while. in an attempt to get back into acation, here is a pice I wrote for another website a while ago I think it might spark some thought and conversation.

The Battle Field Called Marriage

Some months after I got married myself, I started having conversations with women on marriage. Sure enough the ladies in most cases lets say wanted advise on how to deal with particular situations, or wanted war tactics, and some simply wanted to share so called wisdom. Lately I have been talking to some great ladies on the subject and I feel there is a need for every one to discuss this.

Any one can simply say to me "so you are wiser than the rest?", I want to say this at the beginning I am not this why I share my view on a discussion forum, to have a discussion and form an opinion together. For the sake of the discussion let us say in a marriage there are three entities, you the woman and wife and what ever you represent, there is he the man and the husband and what ever he represents. And there is a family or a marriage which is an entity that has a life by itself "I claim". A man and woman do not melt into each other once they are married, each keeps himself but their union forms a life form called marriage.

As soon as a woman or a man is engaged, both of them start being bombarded with advice. And stories on how marriage is a horrible thing enjoy these days while it lasts". "All men are alike they use woman" " be smart use your feminine powers to get what you want" " women are gold diggers and stupid " " Islam says: Ask her opinion then do the opposite"…etc and many many other forms of wisdom.

Here I will not be talking about the extreme cases, yes there are animals dressed in an educated mans suit. Yes there are women who are gold diggers. But I'm talking about the average woman and man, with their good sides and bad. I always say to people marriage is not a battle field. If you turn it to one it will suffer. If an argument turns into a battle of who wins and who looses no matter who wins that battle the marriage looses. Again let me reiterate the fact, I'm not talking about important issues like abuse or the man giving up the responsibility of his children to the wife or the wife that spreads all the domestic issues to anyone who would listen. I'm talking about the small things that we turn into a big deal.

The rules of Islam, His set of rights, you're set of rights. Should not be used on a daily basis as an argument or the marriage suffers. If you have a good neighbor that from time to time trespasses or picks from your trees or has a load party. Do you call the police directly? I feel it is the same thing if I cannot have a civilized discussion with my husband and every time I have to run to the police " what are not his rights in Islam" there is a big problem. It may be with him or maybe with me.

Agreement is what all our decisions in a marriage should be based on. Personally from time to time I love it when my husband gives in to my silly desires or illogical ideas just because it's not worth a discussion let alone a fight. And sometimes I give in to some of his silly ideas if they cause me no harm.

I feel that we women have been oppressed for a long time. And when we can we try to elevate that oppression, which our grandmothers or mothers have suffered from in the fear of being victims ourselves. But if we don't keep things in check we easily turn into oppressors. I have talked a lot but the jest of what I want to say, yes men ask for more than they are entitled in a lot of cases, but so do we. But we like to be a victim as we have been victimized by society for a long time. You are not weak if you give your husband more than he is entitled on the contrary. Do ever feel that there is too much sadaqa ( charity) ? why not deal with each other on terms of " Fadel" ?

Marriage can be a great thing, you are your husband can turn yours into a great one, with a little calm conversation and a little effort from both of you. Yes you can be happy if you want to even after 20 years of marriage. Yes you will need to compromise a lot both of you ,but believe me off the battle field marriage is a great place. Just use compassion and love instead of strong legal arguments.

If You Really Pay Attention

2009-11-15T04:55:00.003-05:00

It has been ages since I blogged about anything. This morning I read this piece and I loved it. I hope you enjoy it too.

I thought I would keep it here as a mental reminder of the things I need to teach my daughter.

If You Really Pay Attention

When I was a little bitty kiddy, about five, my Dad began a process … anytime somebody came and said something to us, my dad would say, "You remember what he said, honey girl?” I would tell my father what the person said until I got so good at it that I could repeat verbatim even long presentations of what the person had said.And he did this all the time.Finally, one day there was this old gentleman, Richard Thompson. I still remember his name, he lived across the street. And every time my Dad started to mow the lawn, there came Mr. Thompson. And so I would stand out there.Dad says, “You might come and listen to this man, honey girl. He’s pretty interesting.” And so I listened to him, and then my dad would say, “What did you hear him say?” And I would tell him.Well, eventually I was repeating all the stories he liked to share with my dad verbatim. I knew them all by heart.And my Dad says, “You’re getting pretty good at that. But did you hear his heart?" And I thought, what? So I went around for days with my ear to people's chest trying to hear their hearts.Finally my Dad created another learning situation for me by asking my mother to read an article from the newspaper. He says “Well, I guess if you want to understand that article, you have to read between the lines."I thought, "Oh, read between the lines. Hear between the words."So the next time I listened to Mr. Thompson’s stories, I tried to listen between the words. My Dad said, “I know you know his story, but did you hear his heart?” And I said, "Yes. He is very lonely and comes and shares his memories with you again and again because he’s asking you to keep him company in his memories."It just came out of me. In other words, my heart echoed his heart.And when you can listen at that level, then you can hear not only the people. If you really pay attention, you can hear what the Universe is saying.--Paula Underwood, clan mother of the Turtle clan, Iroquois nation

Lesson of the day !

2009-07-22T08:34:00.002-04:00

Lesson of the day

I was feeling down since this morning. My brain has been running with grim ideas without control- sometimes I feel that my stream of thought is hard to break- I have been searching frankly about and googling the subject that is on my mind all day.

So I thought I will need to do something to stop the stream, work is slow today so what can a workaholic do ? I grab a book – one of my favorites – that I keep in the office and randomly open a page.

My book is ( Men around the prophet ) and the story I opened randomly was about ( Obadiah Bin Al-Samet) I read it and then started to think, in relevance to my mood today what can I learn….lets see this is a man with enough connections, power and inelegance to enable him to have what ever he wanted in this life. Yet he wanted non on the fruits of this life since he had his eyes on the big prize, the eternal life in heaven, thus forsaking power and connections.

So I have to learn to keep my eyes on the goal, and use my brain to do good and move towards and prize and not run around in circles without any use. Especially about things I cannot change and have very little control on.

Pork in Pepsi

2009-06-29T07:52:00.003-04:00

Pork and Pepsi

I was at an engagement party and a friend tells me, don't have the Coke or Pepsi that is served! I said why ? because its not healthy ? she replied " because it contains a substance that is derived from pig" I tried to convince her that not ever thing you read in the internet is a fact.In any case I decide to do what a freind has done about the Nike issue. I emailed both Coca-Cola and Pepsi about my concern. I got the answer from both. Please see below their confirmation that both brands carbonated drinks don't contain any mammal derived ingredients.

Dear Tamara,Thank you for contacting us here at Pepsi Cola.Any rumors stating that any of our carbonated soft drinks contains animal products or by-products are completely false. From time to time these misleading rumors circulate throughout the country, and it is difficult to say why or how they began. We are pleased to inform you that none of the product ingredients contain pork or animal products or by-products of any kind.Here at Pepsi, we will continue to work hard to ensure the quality, great taste and wholesomeness of our products. We hope you find this information helpful, and we appreciate your allowing us the opportunity to set the record straightSincerely,

Gail AhearnConsumer Relations Representative
012039611A

Thank you for contacting The Coca-Cola Company, Ms. Al-Manaseir. We appreciate the opportunity to respond.None of the carbonated soft drink brands of The Coca-Cola Company contain ingredients derived from mammals or poultry. We abide by the laws and practices in every country where our brands are sold. This includes countries where Islam is the principal religion such as Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Indonesia, Malaysia, and Pakistan, whose governments have accepted our brands as suitable for consumption by members of the Muslim community.If you have any additional comments, please feel free to contact us again.

JeffreyIndustry and Consumer AffairsThe Coca-Cola Company

This is my addition in investigating rumors : )

Magical Moments

2009-06-21T07:56:00.003-04:00

Magical Moments

Blessed, happy and hopeful and many many more feelings swept over me last night. I have lived through a night that is an answer to a prayer. Did you ever live in a moment like that? With singing angles, and butterflies of light hovering over and around you.

So many nights did we all pray for this moment in time, so many warm tears streamed down our checks. So many heartfelt prayers were maid. And finally the night came and the feeling is so surreal.

Two of our closest friends got married last night. At moments we thought this will never happen….but it did ! Alhamd LILAH

Light cannot be touched …happiness cannot be harvested … smiles don't have a distinct taste…yet last night so many beautiful things manifested. That I could have swore that in the air there was a blessing flouting that could be touched, smelled and maybe we had traces of it still on our shoulders when we left.

The Green-Eyed Monster

2009-06-14T09:03:00.001-04:00

The green- eyed monster

According to wikipedia jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. Jealousy differs from envy in that jealousy is about something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy refers to something one does not have and either wants to acquire or to prevent another from acquiring.
Further, Jealousy is an emotion whose effects “frequently get out of control” (Goldie, 2000, p. 229). It is a common observation that the experience of jealousy can last much longer than the one of a basic emotion like anger, without losing its original intensity, and, in a paradox captured in Rochefoucauld's maxim, it may outlast the attachment which it fears losing: "jealousy is always born with love; it does not always die with it."
I find jealousy fascinating. I felt jealous several times during my marriage and I never can understand why. See sometimes I would joke with some male colleagues, or I would find myself commenting to a friend about a good looking guy and I would think if I found out the exact same thing about my husband would I be OK with it? And the answer is always NO! Even though having friends at work from the opposite sex does not mean I'm romantically interested in them, and finding some people good looking does not mean that it goes any further than that. But I still find myself jealous.
According to the definition on wikipedia I must fear to loose my husband. But I'm not. I'm completely sure of his love and devotion, and I still feel jealous from time to time from situations and things that are completely not logical reasons for jealousy.
For example I feel that way from previous crushes he had. Logically I should not because he told me about them, he did not pursue any real relationships with them, and he proudly introduces me to them, and I still get into the war mode! I'm I crazy? May I be insecure? What is wrong with me I wish I can kill the little green eyed monster.

You are what you wear

2009-05-13T08:25:00.000-04:00

You are what you wear

Naturally I do not agree with this statement. Not every one who is dressed well or groomed deserves our respect and naturally not every person who is not dressed well deserves our disdain.

What brought these ideas to my mind is what happened to me yesterday at one of the Ministries. You have to go the front desk to request the file you need, naturally you need to be an authorized person to do so. I filled the form gave it to the employee, he stamped it and I proceeded to get the file. Standing next to me was a simple man, and the employee at the desk asked for all sorts of proof that he was authorized to get the file. He did not even ask me my name!

During my maternity leave, other staff at my office had trouble getting one document-that is fully legal- accepted because they sent a driver. When I submitted the document they did not even look twice at it ! Which really made me mad, is the document worse or any less legal because it was brought in by a driver.

I was talking to my supervisor about this, and she said this happens all the time, people discriminate against each other all the time, depending on how they view the person in front of them, weather it was what they are wearing or how they look. Even in stores they look at what you are wearing to determine if you are a worth while customer!

Do the clothes really make the person? There are researches that say better looking people get promoted more often in work than their plainer looking pears. Is it possible that humanity has sunk this low !

advice

2009-05-07T05:43:00.001-04:00

Advice

First let me start by saying this is my personal view. I don't claim that I know better than anyone, but I assume many of you will agree with me. I feel that people mistreat advice! Honest and wise advice is one of the greatest gifts you can receive. How many times did we stand on a cross road and did not know were to go, would it not have been amazing to get a good piece of advise?

Unfortunately people either don't give advice or they throw it at unsuspecting bystanders. What is the distinction between advise and interference. A rule of thumb is a person needs to ask for the advise, or really need to be close to that person to give it without them asking for it.

I had complete strangers share their parenting experience with me, I did not appreciate a complete stranger telling me that I'm wrong to take my baby out of the house or that she needs another layer of clothing. Again taking the advise is up to the person receiving it. You don't buy a frame for someone as a gift and say: "hang it in this room on this particular wall now!" you give the present that you took the time to pick for them, but they decide when and if they are going to use it.

Another issue with advice is that a lot of people just don't have the generosity of heart to give real advise, they just give a generic idea that is not useful to anyone and at times hurtful. I had people tell me while I'm pregnant, sleep and rest as much as you can because as soon as the baby is born you will not sleep again! After delivery I did not sleep much I was exhausted my hormones were out of control, and their honest little piece of advice made me feel my life is over. And there is no light at the end of the tunnel! I now make sure to tell moms to be, you will be very tired, you will have lack of sleep, but hang in there in a month every thing will be better. That way I hope that the light at the end of the tunnel will make someone have hope and enjoy their motherhood more.

Please people think before you give someone advise, and remember what you tell people is to help that person, not to portray your self as an angel, martyr or a guru! And most importantly be honest to your self first and then to the person who has trusted you enough to ask for your opinion.

Back

2009-04-22T06:12:00.002-04:00

Back !

I can't believe it has been seven months since I have posted any thing. Life has been speeding,

and I did not have the time and at points the desire to write anything. Time has come to run a quick update and hopefully start posting regularly again.

Hmm where to start? Well the greatest news of all. Mira my daughter has been born on the 12th of Jan 09 at 20:05, I started feeling cramps from the previous day but I acted normally we even stayed out late, I had cramps that woke me up a couple of times during the night. I could not go back to sleep after fajer so I just went to the office and wrapped things up at work and handed over all the issues I was working on, well long story short I delivered Mira that night. I screamed for a c-section, kicked my doctor a few times, but eventually Mira showed up and as soon as I heard her cry for the first time I passed out !

The first week after birth with all the pain, no sleep and hormones I got a depression for about a week to 10 days. After that things started to look better and I no longer felt that my life is over.

During my maternity leave I studied for my PMP exam (Project Management Professional) and I passed from the first time! yay I'm now a mom and a PMP !!

Naturally I have been back to work for about a month now …and have just returned from Cairo ..

I have a lot more to share…. But divide them to several posts, these are just the highlights

PS: This photo of Mira is very recent from our trip to Cairo, I will post more soon

2008-09-08T06:15:00.002-04:00

Dear Tiny

It is with great fear that I have to say that you seem like a hyper active kid. See during our last visit to the doctor you could not hold still for a second so the doctor could take your measurements, never mind that we still after 18 weeks (at the time) we could not tell if you are a boy or a girl. In addition dearest one I felt your first move a couple of days ago, which means you are ahead of schedule in that department.

Both daddy and I are so excited feeling your little legs kicking inside me, but that really brings the fear of hyper active kid. See all my life I wanted active children, I was like that and so was hubby, for me it is a sign of healthy and smart kid. So don't worry we are happy that you active.

Can't wait to see you : )

PS: I like keeping this e-dairy I think I will enjoy reading them later on and so will my children.

The Gift of Ramdan

2008-08-28T07:54:00.002-04:00

The Gift of Ramdan

Ramdan is not about food. It's a spirituality month. Feeling hunger and thirst is purifying of the soul – or so I see it- since you get to concentrate on more important nourishment, the nourishment of your soul and heart.

At the same time its not the month to have no food either. See over cooking and thinking about the food keeps your mind concentrated on the wrong issue. At the same time knowing that you don't have enough food to feed your family keeps your mind away from the purpose of Ramdan. There needs to be a balance.

No one can ask a mother or a father not to think about the next meal, if they don't know if they are going to be able to provide it. I am one of the people- and will always be- who believe in sustainable development, food packages are not that in any sense or form. But a we have no choice !

We at life makers try our best to deliver as much food packages, to the most needy families in Ramadan, help us do that by either volunteering or giving from your heart, help us give them at least some peace of mind this Ramdan, so that they too can cultivate this spiritual month.

Please help us give them the gift of Ramdan.

http://www.lifemakersjo.com/home.htm

PS: the photo is of a little girl we met at one of tours delivering the food packages

One

2008-08-17T07:31:00.003-04:00

One

Friday 15^th of August marked our one year anniversary! I cannot believe it has been a whole year, sometimes it just feels we got married yesterday, at other times it seems we have been married for ever. I guess it’s a good feeling, I'm not board in the relationship and at the same time I'm comfortable as if we have been together forever.

The other day I washing my hands and I remembered an early argument me and hubby had, he is used to using a regular soap bar for washing his hands and showering. I on the other hand prefer liquid soap and shower gill, not only for myself but for him, since we have a navy blue bathroom and regular soap leaves a white residue, that makes the tub and sink look dirty just hours after it has been cleaned.

Long story short, he adopted the shower gill fast, but the soap took some time and resistance. The other day we were shopping and he naturally picked the liquid soap in the fragrance he liked. Moral of the story is that after a year I have changed a lot of my habits and he has changed a lot of habits, and now we have our habits!

Strange

2008-08-13T08:12:00.002-04:00

Strange

she walked through the streets of this city for a long time, she knows the streets and cafes….she knows the trees, every corner every stone. Or at least she thought she did. See she got new glasses and then after a long absence she took a walk again in the same streets ….and they looked different ! was she blind to some details ? or did the streets change in time? Which one is the real city the new or the old

Strange how a stroll in the past looks a lot different, even though not much time has passed. Strange, how the same things steer different emotions in us.

PS: written under the influence of headache and unbalanced pregnancy hormones

The day I fell in love with you ….

2008-08-11T09:24:00.000-04:00

The day I fell in love with you ….

On the 2^nd of August is the day I fell in love with you. Before that I had a mix of feelings. I could not pinpoint what exactly I was feeling. See to be completely honest I could not believe you were there, but yesterday at the doctor's office, I saw you move your tiny hand to your face, and move your legs …..And I just could not believe my eyes. You ARE there alive and kicking!!

Walking out of the doctors office, I could not stop thinking about you and missing you, I never held you in my arms but I feel them aching to have you in them, I can't wait to hold you, smell you and just be with you.

We still don't know if you are a boy or a girl, but both your daddy and I could not stop smiling all day. For the time being I shall call you tiny : ) for a fetus you are tall but since you still fit in me - when you come out you will see what I mean- you are still tiny.

So dear Tiny mommy fell in love with you, and I cannot wait to see you in person and not on a screen. Daddy cannot wait either he just lights up when he looks at you at the screen or when he touches my tummy where you are.

Emotional

2008-07-27T03:31:00.003-04:00

Emotional

I read a lot of articles about how emotional and sensitive pregnant women can get. But never could I have imagined that I would cry because of a rude taxi driver!!

This morning I stopped a taxi and told him where I was going, he paused un happily for a minute and then started the meter, and he was huffing all the way, even though its not that close ! the meter reads usually about 850 fils. Any way when I got to the office I gave him the fair in coins since I had only large bills, he takes a look at his palm and almost screams at me as I was getting out of the car " what's this ?!" I look at his hand an apparently I gave him a 250 fils coin instead of half a JOD. And he acted as if I was trying to rob him. I was looking in my purse for a 250 fils coin and he maid this load EFFFFT sound and hit something in the car trying to control his anger.

I really have no idea what was wrong with this man, but as I was getting out of the car my tears were streaming dawn my face. I cannot believe that a taxi driver made my cry.

2008-07-16T06:38:00.002-04:00

The point of no return

All my life I did not imagine that there is such a thing, a point in life or a commitment that you just cannot bail out of. You find school too much to handle take a year off, change your major or quit all together, it may not be the smartest decision you make, but you can and you have the choice to do so. A job you can walk away from, even marriage you can just wake up one morning and decide it's no longer the thing for you.

This feeling was a safety net for my sanity all my life, the feeling that once things get to difficult or too bad, I can look for my best interest and leave. That does not mean I'm a quitter of any sort, but that gave me the feeling of control over my life.

So there is no turning back on this ! that was my thoughts at the moment I saw the positive result of my pregnancy test. I was happy, excited and scared at the same time. You cannot believe the mixed feelings I had at the moment. Hubby had the same feelings, we both love children and we wanted ones of our own, but still at the moment it came true we could not control our feelings.

We have made a commitment for life to take care of our child, and this is one thing neither of us has the choice, or will ever consider not following through and giving it our best, even when things are tough.

I hope my tone does not give the wrong impression, I'm so happy and excited, I'm going to finish my first trimester soon. I kept the news secret till I was sure, see with no belly and no movement you just cannot imagine that its true, all I had were two red lines on a stick. But as we went to the doctor and saw the baby things started to slowly sink in.

The due date is around the 25^th of January 2009!!

Lost in life ...

2008-06-23T06:32:00.000-04:00

Lost in life …

Time flies… busy lifestyle ….lots of responsibilities … fresh love …fun and sun ….travel….giving back to my kin … corporate power struggles …. Career ….friends ….family ….

The list can go on and on ….but I just realized that in this list, there is no me, there is me the friend, me the daughter and sister, there is me the wife, there is me the career woman…..but no ME ! I have been through this so many times in my life. I make my mind that I want to achieve something, or in my case so many things. And then I go through the motions, with spirit at fist …then I loose touch with my self.

Its time for me! Now, more than anytime in my life this realization, resolution and determination is vital.

I need to get back in touch with me, nurse my self, nourish my soul, take care of my brain. And get ready for the challenge to come. For this one I need to be all that I am and can be.

Reminders ....

2008-06-16T05:08:00.002-04:00

Reminders ….

For a while now I got this habit of going back to my old posts and reading them. To tell you the truth most of the time it's just because I enjoy them, and sometimes I'm just curious to see what was going on in my life during the same period last year. That got me to thinking what would my children think when they go over their mother's blog once they are old enough to understand, provided my blog is still alive by then of course.

Most of us don't know each other, so when we start to read a blog there is not preconception, and we get to know the person through their thoughts. But what would people who know us personally think when they read our posts. Well friends will not be surprised, but what about your boss ? your mom? Mostly I would find it really strange to read about my parents thoughts, ideas and emotions from before I was born.

I guess I will need to have children, and then wait for them to grow up, maintain my blog for that long and just wait to see what they will think of their mom. I wonder that will they say ……

Yes I'm still alive !

2008-06-08T09:06:00.000-04:00

Yes I'm still alive !

It has been ages since I took the time to write a post, a lot has been going on during the time. We had an office move which takes a lot of time and energy, traveled a bit, took a long training course, for which I still have to take an exam in order to be certified. So all in all very busy!

Well it's my blog's second birthday and I did not even mark that occasion. I guess when you don't blog for a long while events and issues pile up. That you have no idea where to start to get back to blogging, so this post is kind of shoveling the snow off the driveway so you can get out.

A lot of new stuff happened during my absence …. But I will try to cover that post by post instead of cramming it all at once. Especially with my writing skills that became so rusted.

So people in case you care I'm still alive !

Day Dreaming

2008-04-10T04:19:00.002-04:00

Day Dreaming

This has been one of my hobbies since I was a kid. I had a wild imagination when I was a kid. what I used to come up with fascinating games to play. A large tree in the school play ground was a house and each one had a room\ branch, our legos were weapons and anti missiles. The list is endless of the things I used to come up with as a kid.

Growing up I kept the habit of just drifting away in day dreaming, making future plans, imagining what I would do if something might happen, this is actually recommended by many experts, they claim that if you can imagine yourself succeeding in something you will be able to achieve it. Old time psychologists warned against day dreaming, but it has been found recently that it is beneficial.

I don't really care if some expert says its good or it's bad, I enjoy it immensely and it's my way of planning my future and my actions. I hate surprises! Well not all surprises but the situations that need a reaction or a decision from me, which I did not have the time to think about and analyze. So by day dreaming I get to think of situations that may or may not happen, this way I'm not ambushed.

Lets say day dreaming, helped me plan, relax, and prepare my self for upcoming events ….it may sound silly or freakish but that's one of my little secrets.

Veteran moms ….HELP!

2008-03-24T09:06:00.003-04:00

Veteran moms ….HELP!

Enjoy your time before you have kids …these are best days of your life, they will not last long so enjoy them …..kids will kill any joy you have in your life….these are examples of actual things mothers told me, I can see that they love their children to death, but for some reason children are a burden, I know taking care of children especial a few of them, is not an easy job. But I was shocked !!

I mean I would love to have kids some day; actually I would love to have a lot of kids. But I'm just shocked! I mean I started thinking, will I loose my life for hem, and will my career suffer? I look in the eyes of some of the mothers, and I see bitterness which is very scary to me, bitterness is such a negative feeling. Is it's natural to feel that way?

I understand that a mother cannot decide on the spot to go for the weekend to Lebanon, or go out to see a movie without planning for it, but when did the need to be more organized leave such a bitter taste. Hubby and I enjoy the fact that we can pack our bag and head to Syria or Aqaba on the spot. But will it hurt us that much to take the trip a couple of days after we feel the urge for it instead of a couple of hours?!

The advice and view point of veteran mothers would really be appreciated, but what I was able to rationalize on my own is that women who did not have much of a life to start with, will suffer a lot more than someone with different interests and life experiences. Someone who has good adaptation skills will have an easier time moving from being responsible for one person ( or should we count the husbands ;p )which is you, to being responsible for a fragile being that is totally depended on you.

The responsibility is great. but there are bright sides to having children and taking care of them, besides if you put your mind to it you can still have a life that is your own, and be a good mother at the same time, it just takes some determination, planning and understanding that you will never be perfect !

Is what I believe correct? I'm I delusional? When I'm alone I feel that I totally make sense, but when I listen to the things some young moms say I just cannot not wonder. HELP !

Louder than words

2008-03-17T09:49:00.002-04:00

Louder than words

Actions speak louder than words ! it is a universal fact, if someone keeps boasting how generous they are you don't believe them if they don't act generously, they can say it all they like but until they show it, it has no meaning what so ever. Someone can claim they are your best friend, but until they stand by your side during tough times. Its just talk and talk is cheep.

Then comes love, love relationships including marriage, is somewhat different. Talk is not cheep it's important. I claim to men and women alike, maybe to women more frequency is needed than for men, but nonetheless equally important. Don't get me wrong. No woman would believe a man when he says he loves her, when he does not show it in another way besides words. A man who beats his wife and then tells her she is his sunshine is laying, this is not what I'm talking about.

What I mean is that it's not enough to act according to your feelings towards your husband \wife \fiancé … you have to voice these feelings, they need to hear them and feel them. Seeing the love in someone's eyes is amazing, but at times actions need to be further enriched with words. You can show your husband the respect you have for him in many ways, it will show in the way you talk to him, when you ask for his advice and how you talk bout him to others, but it would not hurt you if you tell him that from time to time, and at the same time you will affirm your actions and make him feel good.

See humans go through ups and downs, through happy times and sad ones, the consistency of your spouse's acts of love and respect is the safety blanket you have to shield you from the world, but during the rough times an extra boast of sweet words is essential. They don't have to be during bad times, they are equally important during good times as well; they don't have to be as frequent and as constant as our actions, but are as important.

Jordan Land of contradictions

2008-03-12T05:35:00.003-04:00

Jordan land of contradictions

In answering the call for the blog about Jordan day, here I am blogging about Jordan ! even though I'm in so much pain due to the muscle spasm in my back, so it might be the pain killers talking : )

I have felt for a while that Jordan is full of contradictions, which actually gives it its distinct taste. We all can think of a million examples, but last weekend I was just put face to face with it.

Friday morning hubby and I went to "Ghamadan" park because hubby had a softball game, did you know Jordan has a softball league? You will see there people from the upper class enjoying a game they probably came across, by being abroad for part of their lives. Expensive cars, a LOT of airheads, but I have to admit a lot of fun !

Saturday, I was on a trip with another lady and two of the guys who volunteer with us at Life Makers, we had a scheduled visit to the families who applied for micro project funding from us. We saw poverty; we saw perseverance, dignity and hospitality.

It is amazing how our society has the rich, who in most cases do not know of the existence of the poor. I bet if I asked one of the ladies at the softball game: can you buy an outfit for the game for JOD 65? I will bet anything that they will say: well a top maybe but an outfit I don't think so (giggles). Well why JOD 65? Because that is how much the widow we met on Saturday has as income to support her four daughters.

The list of contradictions is long, but this touched me profoundly, how we can spend in one night out, more than a family spends in a month. I guess this might be true every where in the world, but it sadness me that this is true in Jordan, and that most of us are oblivious to the fact.

lend us a helping hand !

Too many means too little

2008-03-05T04:09:00.001-05:00

Too many means too little

Too many things going on that is, lead to too little blogging ! It has been a long while, and though I would have given any thing at many points, just to pose life for a second and take time to write. Alas I was not able to ….now I'm just not moving from here until I write a post !

So here are the things that are going on:

1- Power battles in the corporate world. Using weapons on mass control like titles and org charts! Modern day territory marking

2- Travel, I was on a business trip to Syria, it was loads of fun and I managed to squeeze in some work : )

3-Hubby finally got to understand what I mean when I say I'm moody

4- I found out that my life would be a lot better if I learn how to be more patient!

There are lot of other events, some happy ..some sad, and each of the points above need a post on its own, but we must make the best with what we have.

For each its place

2008-02-06T08:47:00.000-05:00

For each its place

For as long as I can remember I was one of those people, who just cannot leave work at work. ALLAH knows I tried but it never worked for me. Best case scenario would be that I would think about work and receive untimely calls, worst scenario would be actually taking work home even after working for 12 hours or more.

We all know we should not do that, and that its not healthy but I could never do it. Until unexpectedly yesterday after work I was in the car with hubby and he was asking me about a particular issue at work and how I handled it, I was talking about it and all of a sudden the magical words came out, I left the office I want to forget about work.

I can't tell you how happy hubby was, and how surprised I was ! I guess after five years of work I'm finally changing my attitude, don't get me wrong I love my work and I'm the best at it, but I still would like to live my life away from it.

2008-01-20T08:36:00.000-05:00

When you achieve all your dreams

I had no fear of that happening to me since I have a lot of big dreams. Thus I never even thought of the concept. Well that is till this weekend when I was talking to mom and I said if I had X amount of money, I can achieve a lot of my dreams( financial ones) and then concentrate on the other great things I would like to do.

Mom said " achieving all your dreams early is not a good thing" she then told me this story –part of a novel- of a Moroccan merchant who was not married and was very well off, one day a man asks him why don't you go to hajj, the merchant said " hajj is my long life dream, if I achieve it I will not have any thing to live for".

I may differ that since we humans always strive for more, one day's peek is the next day's bottom. But still come think of it the fun part of achieving the dream is not sitting at the top but striving up hill. For granted achieving a goal feels great but achieving all of them and not having anything to look forward to is a scary concept.

Things can only get better

2008-01-09T09:35:00.000-05:00

Things can only get better

They say once things reach rock bottom they can only get better, well I sure hope they are right. Sine I feel very sad and angry!! and all the anger and frustrated thinking left me with no energy. Funny how I had in the past month great and happy things to blog about yet I did not have the time. Now that I'm feeling down I'm making the time.

It seems that the long weekend came just in time, I have some files ready to take home and work on, but I'm really tempted to leave every thing at the office, and just kick back and relax! I think that will clear my mind and I might even change my mind about resigning. but I just can't think straight now,the thing is the only thing I can think of now is that I need a hug and a nap.

So what does rock bottom look like?

Blank page

2007-12-17T08:20:00.000-05:00

Blank page

Its that time of the year again. With all the parties, food, sweets and new year resolutions, one has to stop and think! Some think about the holiday pounds, some lament the passing year, some plan for the future. I find myself not to be any of them. You see I still feel a bit dizzy from the changes in my life and work.

I cannot help but feel that every day is a gift and a struggle at the same time. I stand one foot in this year that still has reminiscence of my old life, and another foot crossing the door to the New Year that has everything new in it. It has no recollection of me alone, of the way things used to be. A blank page if you wish.

Looking at the blank page, I feel happy for the new and exciting things that I can write in it with hubby, yet I feel a bit out of balance since I don't have a formatting to use in writing the page. This way I can be creative and free, but with all the uncertainties that come with this freedom. Nothing is perfect I guess and adventure has its perks.

So this year, no resolutions I'm buckling up and enjoying the ride!

Happy Eid, Merry Christmas…. Enjoy the food and sweets and your family and friends …but most of all enjoy sleeping in : )

Footprints

2007-12-11T07:55:00.000-05:00

Footprints

We humans dwell the earth for some decades, some of us longer than others. Leaving footprints behind us, Legacies if you wish, some last as long as we are there to refresh them, and some linger for a very long time, even turning into a path that many people take.

Have you ever looked at footprints of someone and were able to relate to that person. I came across footprints of an amazing man, seeing glimpses of his heart and mind, last night as I went through some of his collections, going through pages he went through so long ago, looking at the treasures he gathered in his short years, I somehow related to him. Felt his existence so strongly and profoundly, that I felt I have met him.

He lived a little over four decades but left footprints that some try to measure up to, some like me just try to learn and relate, see I did not have the chance to meet my father in law, he died twenty five years ago. In some way I feel that I'm starting to get to know him. May Allah bless his soul.

Thoughts of the weekend

2007-12-09T04:04:00.000-05:00

Thoughts of the weekend

To what end will we go to look good, how much pain will we endure? And how much money will we pay?

Why are all the beginnings scary?

Could we get so hurt, to the level that we get scared of happiness or the chance of happiness?

Sometimes silence is more profound than all the words in the world.

Matchmaking is fun : )

Priorties

2007-12-02T05:32:00.000-05:00

Priorities

The other day Qwaider talked about priorities between work and family. I wanted to post a comment there but did not work out, besides I have a lot to say on the matter so a separate post makes sense.

At a point in your life saying work is my number one priority is very easy to say. At other times saying my family comes first is very easy too. But I guess there is always the in-between times.

Before I was engaged and then married, the answer was easy work in my priority. I worked late, weekends and had a lot of work related dinners and trips. This was only natural and I did not ever think about it, I would orchestrate my life around work, what is left is divided between family, friends and volunteer work (which I considered as part of work any way)

Then I got engaged and I came head to head with needing to make a choice. My fiancé wanted to see me as much as possible, but I have a demanding job, which meant I needed to make a decision if I will work late or just leave on time, so I can spend some time with my fiancé. Later on I got married and things became more challenging. I needed to be home after hours directly since my working hours are not that short to start with. And beside missing my husband, I had a home to keep, we had people visiting to congratulate us, and other family responsibilities.

At that point I had to decide that my husband and our life together is more important than my work, and that I have to settle for giving 100% but not 150%, that yes at times I might need to skip a dinner or taking staff on tourist trips. That I will need to turn off my phone and not take business calls at all hours of day and night.

Now this might sound so normal to some people, but this is not that easy. You are used to a way of life and a way of work, changing it (even if means less work) is not that easy. And as your whole life changes you will hold the one stable thing in your life –you job- as you are holding to dear life. This does not mean in any way you don't love all changes in your life, but no matter how great they are, they are still changes that you need to adapt to.

Mothers may face the same thing, all of a sudden they have this bundle of joy that they love, but at the same time all the responsibilities associated with it, staring to feel like they are dissolving in this new role, thus holding on to the familiar even though it might be energy consuming. This might not even be the case, but this is how I see it.

Manholia

2007-11-26T09:01:00.000-05:00

Manholia

I was walking yesterday with hubby in down town Amman. We always have great fun there, this time more than ever I noticed my fear of stepping on manholes! Strange I knew that but there is no place in town like down town with the number on manholes! It sounds silly but I innately avoid stepping on manholes. I remember as a kid we heard a lot of stories of kids falling in a manhole and I guess it got stuck with me. Come think of it parents most likely made these stories up.

Thinking of the post I made a search about manholes and fear off, not to my surprise I found an article mentioning the fear of manholes, they even gave it a name MANHOLIA.

It’s a silly thing. It's not like I cannot make myself step on one. It's just that without thinking I avoid stepping on them.

Selfish is good

2007-11-25T04:18:00.000-05:00

Selfish is good

My best friend, nay my soul sister has given me some pearls of wisdom yesterday. I called her up complaining about something and after a long talk from my side and her just listening to the end, she talked me through the problem and the jest of what she told me is be selfish.

Well at first this may sound like something very negative, on the contrary this is very positive, it means take care of your own needs first then the rest of the world. When you are well yourself you will be more helpful to others. Now I know this very well and I may have even mentioned it sometime before, but I guess I needed to hear it from someone else.

I have this tendency to need to help every one around me, not being able to help them or change someone's mood (for which I have a natural talent) makes me feel like a looser. This is one aspect I need to work on, at times it comes easy and I do put myself first, but I guess there is some kind of vanity in me that refuses to believe that there is something I attempt to do and fail! It’s a bit complex, I guess some of it is wanting to help others, but a part is that I refuse to believe that there are things even I cannot change.

So in some cases selfish is good !

Tamara in the kitchen

2007-11-21T02:38:00.000-05:00

Tamara in the kitchen

Yesterday was yes the election day ( AKA holiday), but also known as my first day to cook in my new home. My mother in law is so sweet and is keeping us in a prolonged honey moon and thus she still cooks for us.

So yesterday since I was at home I decided I will cook for every one. The dish of the day was ' Kabseh" I know how to cook a great kabseh, but this is not a cooking post it’s a Tamara cooking post.

As you will notice at first I had time to take photos of the steps of cooking, but as time went by and my rusty skills stood in the way, I forgot to take at least one photo of the end Product! Cooking something that takes a lot of preparation time, Calls for special kitchen time management, and business planning skills that in my case have become so rusty.

Well at least the end product was yummy !every one enjoyed it and I passed the cooking test with flying colors, did not pass my blogging about cooking test though, but I'm sure there are many other occasions to come.

Happy elections\ cooking day!

Words my friends

2007-11-15T07:56:00.000-05:00

Words my friends

Words are live entities that I mold to vessel my ideas and beliefs, yet I pose not knowing what to say and where to start, which amazes me even more since I was never in loss for words, words actually are my friends and its common knowledge I can talk myself out of a death sentence.

I insist to be able to chisel a few words that people can understand and tell them all about how I feel … now I understand it’s the feelings part that is the problem, I can shape my ideas into words soft and powerful but my feelings when so powerful and overwhelming seem to be a challenge.

All my life I felt that my words give life to my ideas, now I see that my words may imprison and mutilate my feelings, yet again I'm persistent to say my peace. Intro or no intro I still feel helpless …wordless when I want to breath out all my feelings….with you life has a new taste …color and new feelings have been born that my old tools stand helpless to shape.

How can words describe the feeling I have, when I open my eyes to see that what woke me up was your gentle look, as you lay there looking at me waiting for me to wake up….how can they my friends give a visible entity to the feelings I get when you softly kiss my hand just because I preparing you dinner… or when I feel protected by you…loved by you.

Sitting here in surrender I say ….words may age old friends you are not as powerful as I thought you to be.

October

2007-10-24T06:29:00.000-04:00

October

Today I got the urge to read my old posts, it was really refreshing to be honest I enjoyed some as if I read them for the first time. So I thought let me go back to October last year to see what was going on at the time in my life, just to find out I had only one post that month ! telling people that I'm back to the country, ironically enough the only post I have for this month is talking a little but about my short trip to Beirut.

It is just a coincidence I know, but I find it so strange that with all the changes in my life and still October looks a lot like October last year, posting wise at least.

Well under public demand here are a few more Lebanon photos.

When Two worlds collide

2007-10-23T05:43:00.000-04:00

When two worlds collide

Okay that is it I am totally and utterly sleep deprived! Work has become so hectic and boring that its not even funny.

I miss blogging and I hate the kind of ramble posts that are not abut something in specific. But things have been going on so crazy and fast that I don't have a moment to think of a post, or when I have some idea I don't have the time to put it in writing.

The 15th was my two month wedding anniversary, and I was talking to hubby that sometimes I feel we have been married for a life time, and in other moments it still seems like yesterday. Time has taken a strange turn recently that I still cannot comprehend.

Every one knows I'm crazy and compulsive so is my hubby, but what we both did not expect is that we are going to join forces on this one, so Thursday morning we decide that we should after all attend a friend's wedding, this would sound normal, had it not been in Tripoli in Lebanon.

So I take off of work a couple of hours earlier, pack our bag and we are off to Lebanon for a long weekend to attend a friend's wedding Friday night. We had loads of fun and it was great since we stayed in Amman for the Eid. But as you can see this ads to the fact that my life is getting crazier by the minute.

PS: this post has been written in two intervals, believe it or not ! and this is one of my favorite photos that I took in Lebanon.

2007-09-23T06:33:00.000-04:00

Help us help them !

At this moment I should be actually drafting a contract! But I don't really feel like it, besides all this technical writing is killing any kind of writing urges I have. So I thought I should break the monotony and write a post. Does not have to be a literature piece just something not related to work.

It feels kind of mandatory to write a post about Ramadan, every one writes one, don't they? The most exciting part of Ramadan for me is the work we do at " life makers" for the Ramadan food packages, we packed the worth of forty thousand JOD last Ramadan, and we have been hoping we will be able to top that this year.

This means that last year we helped 3500 families feel less deprived during the holly month or Ramadan. The package cost is about JOD12 and its somewhat less than a restaurant bill we pay for an Iftar out with friends, yet this small amount will help a poor family get 15 kg worth of essential goods delivered to their door step.

Well as we say help us help them !

For donations you can call these number ( not mine ; p) : 0777840 820\ 079 5351921 ) or donate directly by depositing to our bank account : Islamic International Bank \ Gardens branch. Account number : 12701

Or you can join our volunteers for packaging and distribution of the food packages, for that as well you can contact the numbers above, if you cannot help you can spread the word.

2007-09-11T07:06:00.000-04:00

My ten cents worth

I was asked by my friends to tell them what I thought about married life. The thing that I thought I had to say of value in that subject was: "You will be the same person you have been all along" now this may sound obvious and down right stupid! but I argue its not as obvious, every one feels that their life will change after the big day.

Let me be the one to tell you, your life will change but you will be the same, you will not wake up one day and be the person you have envisioned yourself to be. If you are not happy before you get married chances are you will not be after, if you are board or depressed you will so soon after marriage, if not worse off since you will add to what ever you have, to the disappointment of married life not being all you have whished it will be.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing more beautiful than starting a family and being in love with the person you are married to. But first you have to take care of you and be happy then move on to starting a family. Don't go into a marriage with any kind of baggage it will be heavier than if you were single.

2007-09-02T09:04:00.000-04:00

Smell tag ...

During the time of my engagement you had the first raw seat, to me enjoying my "life long hobby" of analyzing emotions and human nature, and now ladies and gentlemen please do join me, and read more about married life! I guess this is a blogging phase I have to go through as well.

Fortunately Dima provided me with a creative way, for me to be my old self : ) the rules are simple, I have to mention at least five of my favorite smells, mention the person who tagged me, and tag three other people.

Freshly washed clothes: I love the smell of freshly washed clothes while they are still wet and after they dry as well in addition to freshly washed sheets and towels. for me to enjoy that smell up until now all I had to do is put the clothes that don't smell freshly washed in the bathroom hamper and a couple of days later they magically appear in my wardrobe, now days I have to wash them first ! Hang them to dry! Iron them and then enjoy the smell…..o but first I had to learn how to use the washing machine, avoid the fire that almost happened from melting connection wires. One more thing now I know what my mom used to complain about when I just put the things I wore once or twice in the hamper because I wanted them to be FRESH !!

The smell of my hubby : I believe that every person has their own distinctive smell, and I don't mean their perfume, though a persons perfume does connect to them, but their own personal smell again I don't mean by smell, the result of a couple of days of not showering ! or what you smell like after gym !

Coconut oil: I guess its because its linked to the smell of the beach and pool, and yummy stuff ! I love it ( did you notice how many people mentioned coconut oil in their posts ! strange)

Baby smell: after they have a bath, there is nothing in the world that is softer; it makes me feel all fuzzy inside

Coffee: the smell of coffee in the morning is like an invitation to a fresh new morning.

I was telling hubby how instantly I loved some folk songs the moment I have heard them, and told my mom how strange that was, she simply said " its not strange ! these are the songs you dad used to sing to you as a child " smells are like songs or maybe even stronger in holding memories. There are even some perfumes that even though I love I cannot use, because they are the smell of someone else ! it just does not work.

2007-08-26T05:18:00.000-04:00

I'm Back

Happy and back from the sandy beaches
Fresh tanned and ready to face the screen again
With a list that is longer than my arm but ready to take on the task
I'm getting back slowly to every day life… its different but still the same
I guess I'm different but still the same ...

2007-08-08T06:33:00.000-04:00

Gloating

Its not official yet ! but I cannot help myself , I work for an international NGO " Non-governmental Organization" and I was their country Rep. so far, not bad for my years, so the office grew rapidly this last few months, and I just heard a rumor from two senior management people that I will be the Country DIRECTOR for Jordan soon !! I'm jumping up and down, I made country director before the age of thirty do you know how rare is that ? well not very actually, but VERY rare for a Hijabi local female staff !!

I will do more gloating about how amazing I am and how being workaholic pays off, when its official : )

2007-08-07T04:33:00.000-04:00

Bridezella

My wedding is in 8 days !! do you know what does that mean ?! things are so hectic to the point I'm not sure what hectic is any more, My assistant at work is on vacation and I have to be in the office till the end of the week, which is a few days before my wedding. I have my volunteer work that I do need to do at least a few things a week, actually both me and my fiancé are still volunteering in at least 90% mode. We are starting a Training and HR development company, and we are having our first trainings a couple of weeks after the wedding date, so we are working hard on having every thing ready before the wedding.

Add to that Hinna party for the ladies, house final touches, my shopping, and dress appointments. I tell you I did not know what the hell did hectic mean until now. I know you people got fed up with all the lady bloggers who are getting married writing about hectic last days, but I could not help venting out !!

I am extremely happy al7amd LILAH ! my wedding is going to be a simple dinner party in a nice restaurant out of Amman, as I have wanted always, the great thing is that despite all skeptical people I found a person who agrees with me on this : )

I will let you know more details when I have the time to post.

2007-07-29T07:28:00.000-04:00

Living in an air-conditioned world

Driving in my air-conditioned car from my air-conditioned supermarket back to my air-conditioned office, but the truth is I did not realize that I live in an air-conditioned world until I saw an old man digging through the trash can in the blazing heat !

A tear dropped from my eye, but do I really know what blazing heat is? Do I know what hungry is ? do we who are living in air-conditioned worlds know what is going on behind the glass ?

2007-07-26T09:46:00.000-04:00

Insight

Strange how someone who has never met you before, spells out what you are feeling in such eloquence that you are left speechless, heart torn and lost in their words. You turn on the radio in your car or hear a song on TV and you cannot but be stunned, how someone lifetimes away has simply taken all your feelings, and put them in words you could not have found yourself.

A simple look in someone's eyes can tell you what a particular song has done to them, strange how some sad songs remind us of happy times and how some very cheerful songs would bring a tear to some stranger's eyes, it may make sense to them but what is amazing is how fragile we are, how some words could bring out wounds we thought we have buried a long time ago.

They bring out hidden things, dreams yet not realized, fears yet not materialized, memories both happy and sad, even open a wound that you thought has healed. Strange what a group of words can do to the all mighty humans

2007-07-22T08:46:00.000-04:00

Drowning

The morning rays are slowly creeping in through the drapes, as she lays there still half awake. Millions of lazy thoughts trickle through her head, millions of overwhelming emotions drown her soul. She feels like she did not sleep for months now, it’s a constant limbo of painful existence.

Who could have believed that question marks could be this painful, she did not know that unexplained selfish acts could be so profoundly effective. Haunting her during the day and creeping in bed with her making it simply impossible to drift into blissfulness. And since they have been creeping into her dreams as well she is getting no rest.

She drags her tired body out of bed and gets ready for yet another day or is it still the same day? She does not know nor does she have the energy to care, naturally she puts on the happy face at the door and walks out to face the crowds.

2007-07-19T08:52:00.000-04:00

Parallel worlds

Its only recently that I have discovered that I'm easily entertained, walking on the thin sidewalk a foot at a time is a lot of fun. Jumping over larger stones is an adventure, finding a store that is named "3alan" and not finding one next to it named "Fulan" made me laugh out load.

Try to see the beauty and the humor in the small things, its very refreshing to see another layer of the universe that you live in, instead of the grumpy faces of the crowd try to look at the colorful patterns of their clothes, look into the yes of children riding in the car beside you instead of paying attention to the traffic jam you are in.

There is a lot of beauty around us, we just don't take the time of day to notice, next time you walk outside try to look for funny stuff or beautiful things, and I guaranty you that you will find plenty if you look sincerely enough.

I wish all of you a good hunt !

2007-07-16T02:32:00.000-04:00

Doors

The more doors you open the more you know. The more doors you walk through the more certain you are that there are a lot more doors to follow. But opening the door is not enough you have to walk through it and move ahead.

Knocking on doors or just cracking a small opening in them does not count as opening the door, you have to move in full blast! which by the way does not mean you have to do so blindly, on the contrary you need to chose the doors wisely. Which bring us to how valuable it will be to hear the advice of someone behind the door, not the speculations from the person standing beside, who is equally ignorant of what is behind it as you.

Would you describe honestly and truly what is around you to some one who still did not open the door yet? I don't want to be too symbolic but I just remembered the Chinese proverb that says "Teachers open the door but you have to enter by yourself" looking at things in this way I feel so humbled to my teachers and guiders, they don't have to be school teachers it could be anyone who have taught you something. I feel grateful that I have been spared a lot of bad doors.

2007-07-10T02:40:00.000-04:00

Home ....

The day I have returned to Amman I got a text message from a friend saying "welcome back home" which naturally got me to think on the concept of home. I don't think two sane people will disagree that a house is not a home per se.

Do we have to have one home? is home where you hang your hat ? or where you heart is? For me home is where you feel safe, where love is, the place you feel most comfortable in. A physical manifestation of you and your life, and thus it has your characteristics and contains your interests, and most importantly your loved one(s). Then you can call that physical manifestation home.

Adopting this definition home, could be a small apartment or a villa in the south of France. Taking it even further to some people it's their office, or parents house "even if they have their own". Would I be wrong if I claim that home maybe in the arms of your loved one, home can be their eyes

Are you home?

2007-07-03T18:25:00.000-04:00

Reporting From ...

Since I have been awy for a while out of the country, and i don't have the time to write a real post so this is a Pop question kind of a post, can you guess from the picture where i am in the world ?

Who ever guesses will... well no promisses : )

2007-06-27T09:47:00.000-04:00

Think !!

If one thing Amman is a city that is accustomed to detours, why didn't any one think of having detours planned and announced for today!! Thinking out side the box or being proactive would have been two great concepts to use for a day such as today.

People are stuck for hours in traffic, they are leaving they cars and are attempting to walk to their destination or just use public transportation, which is not effective to start with!

I think the person who is responsible for inadequate planning should be punished!!

2007-06-26T09:08:00.000-04:00

On a day like today

If you visit my profile page today you will notice a slight change, yes that is right I turned 29 today! I'm I freaking out ? yes a little bit : ) but they say age is just a number and what matters is how you feel, I feel great that is not the problem, and I don't worry how I look since if I'm as half as lucky as my mom I will get to my fifties still looking 10 years younger than I am, so that is not a problem, the problem is what have I accomplish, in the 29 years I have dwelled this green earth.

Sometimes it feels like a lot, and sometimes it feels like I'm still scratching the surface of life, did I do all the things I have to do in this life, No ! did I learn all I want to learn, NO ! have I left a mark in this life? thinking Addison I would say no, looking at all the people I know I would say, yes ! But as life has its ups and downs I'm not really sure.

I just have hope against hope that I am growing, I don't want to flip the pages of a calendar and say I have grown a year. I want to taste life, ponder, learn, observe and grow. Did I grow a year in this last year? I did learn a lot ….things have changed for me in so many ways, I can honestly say yes I have grown a year this year. This does not mean at all that I have reached my goal, but it feels warm inside that I'm growing.

2007-06-25T11:01:00.000-04:00

Activities for couples in Amman

We all know this all too well, Amman does not have enough non-food related outlets. So since Mohammad and I have been going out daily you kind of run out of places to go, bearing in mind we don't want to triple our waste line by the wedding day, so we try to find places and things to do without food involved, so I'm attempting a list of things you can do in our beloved Amman, and by the way you don't have to be a couple to try these friends can use the extra activities.

Updated
1-Movies: this is the classic choice, its refreshing you can see a light movie and laugh together, or you can see a conversation provoking one depends on your mood .

2- Balling: if you are a fan of the game or not its very nice idea for going out, and we now have at least four balling alleys.

3-Picnics: I love picnics! you don't have to pack a lot of food or any thing, just a rug and some munchies and fruits and off you go, you can spend a very nice romantic afternoon or a whole day, try " abu Elsus" or " wadi al shita" if you live in west Amman they are less than half an hour drive.

4- Walking: taking nice walks in Amman is a challenge, but you can go to several places, the "Hussien Park" is a very nice place for walking, the later the less crowded. If you are fond of old Ammine houses like me, a walk in " Jabal Amman" looking at houses is a great walk, you can choose any thing you like, we even walked a couple of times in down town Amman, walking into quaint little shops. Bottom line walks are great and venues are plenty.

5- Stay at home: it’s a good atmosphere for talking without laud music, it’s a nice bond with his or your family, look through each others photo albums, or listen to music, read a book together "this could be done in the picnic as well"

6- shopping: shopping together for your future home, or something that one of you need, its great fun! And it’s a very bonding activity; believe me you will learn a lot from shopping together.

7- Check the social calendar in the news paper: you will find art galleries, foreign film festivals, and some other types of activities, granted the choices are limited but you will find choices to take you away from cafés and restaurants.

8-Road trip\ drive : From the suggestions of Dima and Qwaider, taking a drive out of town to a favorite destination " dead sea" or " Madaba" for example, while listening to your favorite music.

These are kind of general ideas, you can mix and match them to get your own favorite pastime together. Going to try out a new restaurant or café is fun, but spending all your time there is not healthy so finding additional activities is essential to me at least.

If you have any more ideas please share and I will add them to the list so we can have a list that is more comprehensive for fun activities in Amman.

2007-06-21T06:48:00.000-04:00

110

I cannot believe my self, I got to the One hundredth post and I did nothing, it was actually a depressing post! so I said I'm not in the mood of writing about my 100 posts, so I will talk about it on my corner's first birthday, and I missed that one as well !

The problem I'm not in the reflective mood today, but just flickering through my posts for the whole year I can see the ups and downs, my philosophical moods, my analytical moods, and my plain old quarks …so what is the color of your smile kind of thing : )

I feel my corner gives a window into my heart and brains at the same time, I can totally understand your confusion, I started to believe that people have the right to find me strange, I'm cool with that now ! well no one here told me they find me strange, but sometimes " in real life" I get that when someone from work sees me in a social event, some people who know me for years still get surprised from time to time.

I guess this is all for now, not the best piece of writing but I had to mark this post at least it’s a round figure : ) can you guys tell me your favorite post in the corner? Maybe I feel later like using my brain : )

2007-06-18T02:43:00.000-04:00

On Being the change you don't want to be

I have seen all my life ladies getting engaged and then turning their back on their friends, she used to spend all her free time with them and after engagement she hardly ever sees any one of the old gang, then she gets married and she totally turns into another person, she would be sitting there but she is not the same person any more!

Now that I have crossed over to the other side, I see things a bit differently, I actually told my friends that as soon as you see me change into something that I'm not tell me and slap me back to my senses. Alas things are never that simple, you go through a major change in your life and its not easy at all, there is this special person that you would like to spend every minute of the day with, but there are other people in the equation, a whole new family " in law" there are the parties you have to plan, there are the phone calls to congratulate, then comes the wedding plans, the furniture and the house and a lot of other things! Take all that and add it to your already hectic life, someone still has to do you job which chances are, is still YOU.

At this point of being very busy and your emotions are all over the place, someone comes and says you don't call me as much as you did before, you are changed! This did not happen to me, my friends are being so supportive, which is the way things have to be. They are great friends and I'm so lucky to have their support. So friends be the source of support and relief to your bride friend and don't be an extra burden.

PS: if I post more than three engagement \ wedding posts in a raw slap me please !!

2007-06-12T10:15:00.000-04:00

Climbing a mountain without ropes

Being a person so interested in human nature and relationships, I had so many observations and ideas about human nature and interaction, now I feel I'm being tested to the level of my conviction in my own deductions and advises, that I ever so generously used to share with the world for as long as I could remember.

You have to be patient, relationships need effort and time, trust and mutual respect are the foundations of a lasting love, all of those at one pint or another I had to practice after preaching about for so long.

The new thing that I discovered, and I practiced before I preached (there is a first time for every thing !), its letting go of all your guards and safety nets ! sounds simple, huh ? well in practice not so simple and it gets more and more complicated with age and experience. So what do I mean exactly, simply that the more you are open in a relationship of any kind ,the worse it will be if things don't work out or if the person you are with hurts you, so innately I think people don't open up very fast or completely.

It is simple act of self preservation, the less I open up the less hurt I will be if things go down the drain, me being a person who could not settle for a normal connection in any of my relationships I could not settle for second best with my fiancé, so one of us had to initiate the no guards or safety net. I do not claim its easy but I promise its worth it, because in love its either all the way or nothing, you get a profound sense of closeness and you take your relationship to the next level.

2007-06-10T01:40:00.000-04:00

Two Reasons

I did not post for ages! I seem to do that from time to time jut disappear unwillingly for a while. Well I have two reasons for this time, first of all I had to do a LOT of technical writing that my creative part started to quiver into hibernation, This including the fact that I was very busy at work assigned to three different projects besides managing staff.

The second reason is that I got engaged ! can you believe it ? I'm personally still in a kind of a shock myself, he is a great guy my soul mate, we have known each other ( non-romantically) for four years and recently things developed very fast, I'm so happy that one of my friends is now my fiancé. So I'm in the over the clouds and pink classes kind of a phase.

Well I promise from now on more posts, and maybe a bit more details even ; p

2007-05-23T05:56:00.000-04:00

One night

Tossing around in her bed fighting ghosts and fears, flooding her pillow with boiling tears. The pain in her heart is too great to take, and the night is too long and dark. She whispers " I love you... I miss you"

Tossing around in her bed fighting a desire to laugh as hard as she can, sweet tears of joy watering her rosy cheeks. The joy in her heart is too great and the night is too long. She whispers "I love... I miss you"

Tossing around in her bed wondering and wishing, she remembers one and she smiles and her soul floats with happiness. She remembers the other and her heart skips a beat, and a small tear materializes in her eye. she remembers herself and makes a small wish in the silence of the night to be as one of them soon. She whispers " I love you ....I miss you".

Different stories…..One night

2007-05-23T02:33:00.000-04:00

More harm than good

I had a meeting yesterday in Jabal Al- Natheef yesterday, and I saw this ad if I may call it so. In theory an ad should sell an idea, now I'm not a marketing person but having common sense is enough to see that this will hardly sell any thing.

It totally disregards that smoking is an addiction ! a physiological one to be exact, and should be treated as so, I would think that they had this in mind thus used the religious approach. Which is used in the worse sense ever !

We could dissect on how many levels this is wrong and stupid but I will leave it at that.

2007-05-17T06:43:00.000-04:00

Answers….

Walking though the beads door, the strong sent of oriental aromas filled his being with anticipation, with trembling hands and the red of embracement on his face, he approached the lady sitting on the floor in a hallow of colors and sparkle. She pointed to a pillow, he sat there without thinking. His mind was busy thinking of how stupid and rather desperate he was for even coming here.

He could not remember much of what she said later, she looked at his palm, and she threw stones on the red cloth. She said a lot of things that made no sense. Later on while walking in the clod weather with only distant echoes in his head and a sense of emptiness. Looking into people's faces, at droplets of rain lingering on branches.

Little do we all know that seeking truth may be an eluding path that may lead you to scary places. Take you on delusional trips, but the thing people seldom know is that the straight path is the way to the truth answers. It just takes a wise soul and a brave heart.

2007-05-16T03:25:00.000-04:00

Goal oriented people

Since I don't have a car anymore \yet I'm taking taxies to work. With the usual cab driver philosophy, view on politics and his life story chit chat. They told me another thing about their personality that I bet they did not know they were saying or for that matter have.

I get into the taxi and tell the driver Um Utheina (going to the office) and some just go in the direction of Um Utheina and when we pass the 7th circle, he asks: " min ta7t elnafaq wila min elsades ? " which translates to: Via the tunnel or the 6th circle ?. Now other drivers will ask me as soon as I name the place, where in Um Utheina? And they have me detail the root to them before we even reach the 8th circle. And the same goes to the way back home.

It's interesting how some people start implementing a particular task and ask questions later. Others need a clear goal and then they contemplate the best way to go about the task, only then do they proceed to do the work. The first type of people are not as effective in a work environment and at some times even costly and dangerous to have around, they will never be " in a perfect world" team leaders or project mangers, and if they do they are the worst possible ones. And if you are goal oriented and you have one of them as a supervisor…well good luck!

It may not make a big difference in the taxi driving business, but its strange to see very useful characteristics not being utilized to the best of their potential, again it makes me think what a great team leader this young man would have made had he had the proper drive and initiative, since no one quality will get you to the place you want to be. But such a natural disposition will definitely help.

Makes me think how many wasted talents are out there.

2007-05-15T07:17:00.000-04:00

Job Opportunity ( Muse wanted )

Things are strange with me; I just seem to have misplaced my fun muse (yes I had a fun muse!) I was going through a rough patch but things are a lot better now. Work wise things are going great and the pieces of the puzzle in other aspects are coming together. Yet I face a blank page and I cannot write any thing!

I would be having dinner like last night with a friend and think why didn't I bring the camera, I could write about the great food at this place and the funny story with the valet, and a series of other fun stuff that is going on , but NO nothing really comes to mind, I cannot put together anything that is remotely interesting.

So this is just to let those of you who were worried about me, that I'm fine and as busy as ever. Life is not all pink and rosy but it never was to start with.

I cannot believe I could not think of anything else to write about! Sorry
So seriously I need an inspiration … I need a muse

2007-05-10T05:25:00.000-04:00

In the Ghetto

In response to what Abed hamdan and Mala2e6 started, I'm trying to do half the good job they did talking about Amman, the sunny side and the not so sunny side. I feel strongly about this and I wanted to find another angle than what they have both used. This song by Elvis came to mind. Its Called Ghetto. Take Chicago out of the lyrics and replace it with the name of any city or district beside West Amman and it will be as true and accurate.

On a cold and gray chicago mornin

A poor little baby child is born

In the ghetto

And his mama criescause

if theres one thing that she dont need

Its another hungry mouth to feed

In the ghetto

People, dont you understand

The child needs a helping hand

Or hell grow to be an angry young man some day

Take a look at you and me,

Are we too blind to see,

Do we simply turn our headsAnd look the other way

Well the world turns

And a hungry little boy with a runny nose

Plays in the street as the cold wind blows

In the ghetto

And his hunger burns

So he starts to roam the streets at night

And he learns how to steal

And he learns how to fight

In the ghetto

Then one night in desperation

A young man breaks away

He buys a gun, steals a car,

Tries to run, but he dont get far

And his mama cries

As a crowd gathers round an angry young man

Face down on the street with a gun in his hand

In the ghetto

As her young man dies,On a cold and gray chicago mornin,

Another little baby child is born

In the ghetto

Please refer to the definition of Ghetto and you will see what a bad shape things are in Jordan, can we help by only writing about it, maybe not but we need to start some where and this is as good start as any. This may help people not living in the ghetto understand what it means to live a life where hope and dignity are as scarce as basic services and adequate income.Like a child let us first master the first step in understanding others and developing a general empathy with the issues of the less fortunate. We can then start to think about ways to lend a helping hand.

I hope one day we will start a "Bloggers for change" campaign. But for now let's stick to the change of the mid set and develop a social conscience. and just to make the problem a little bit more real and relevant, the person that stole my car is an angry boy who is 17 years old, besides steeling my car and a few others he is guilty of murdering a taxi driver for a hand full of dinnars, do you think a young man will be thinking of steeling and crime at his age if he did not have to, or at least was not made angry by the society and lack of essentials for a normal life. I don't want any one to think that I condone such actions, he is wrong and many young men and women in far worse circumstances did not ever resort to crime and violence. But you have to feel sorry for them and some what responsible as a society. so things are not in another universe ...they are here at home !

2007-05-07T10:51:00.000-04:00

Dear Diary

With red dry eyes, shivering voice, with pain lodged in my heart, and no limbs to extract it…I stand here before you, helpless but not blameless, hopeless but not shameless…

Dear diary today I died a little inside ...

Tamara

2007-05-01T01:47:00.000-04:00

10 Simple pleasures

Since I have been writing a bit heavy stuff lately, and since I lately noticed the deterioration in my writing skills ! a light subject is a welcome break, I will try and keep it light and avoid following my tendency to over analyze or talk too much. So in response to Dima's tag I'm listing 10 simple pleasures and the rules are as follows:

a. You have to use the picture in my post.b. You have to list exactly 10 points.c. You have to tag 3 bloggers when you are done.

1- Fresh mornings, when the weather is clear and sunny and at the same time has a cool breeze.
2- Cold watermelons
3- Warm blanket, cup of tea and a book in winter afternoons
4- Water, in all shapes and forms and uses from drinking it to rain to swimming all of it !
5- Salt
6- Smiles and laughter
7- Coffee
8- Smell of freshly washed clothes
9- Colors and beautiful patterns
10- Shoes : )

I tag any one who would like to do this : )

2007-04-30T07:04:00.000-04:00

Change ...

So sleepy and lazy, then fresh and energetic, then excited and busy, then moved to a kind of a hyper phase, but eventually got to the point of heart pounding excitement, soon after a little bit annoyed and disappointed.

All these moods and a few more I got through since this morning till now. and I thought I was not that moody, guess I was wrong estimating my moodiness. Did you ever notice how one word, one phone call and even one smile can change your mood. The human psyche is so interesting we can be as stable as a rock in the wind and as fragile as an autam leaf.

It takes time to be centered again after and external effect, no matter how stable a person is, it still takes us time to get back to our default state of mind, it varies from one person to another some people need days to recover for others it’s a matter of minutes, most naturally it depends on the external factor itself.

Will we know if something hit us so hard that it bent us out of shape? Will we think it’s a temporary thing, will we notice and know that at this place in time I was changed for ever. It maybe for the better or worse, it may effect how we preserve future events. At certain points we know that we have been forever changed and other changes come gradually like rocks caressed by the constant sea.

One thing for certain we do change, we cannot stop that but we can try to change to the better rather than to the worse.

2007-04-25T06:54:00.000-04:00

A walk in the park

Did you ever read a book with someone ? if you did even if you are not in the same physical space with them you feel so close to each other, the idea that the other person is reading the same words and ideas entwines you, this could happen if you are watching a move or a show, or even looking at the starts in the sky at the same time.

There are many levels of intimacy and the most powerful one is the spiritual and intellectual intimacy, it builds a strong friendship and defiantly strengthens a love relationship.

There are many magical moments in life that two people can share, and they don't have to be in the same place, they just have to be together in spirit, which not many people who are together in the same place can claim! I see so many people together but worlds apart.

Another level is two people working for a common goal, the comfort of them thriving for the same thing miles away, gives a sense of security and intimacy that words just fall short to describe.

Some people live their lives never getting close enough to any one, they never took a walk through Shakespearian sonnets, or visited the gardens of " Ibn El-qayem" or knew what the labyrinths of the other persons mind and soul are planted with.

2007-04-23T09:25:00.000-04:00

Do you ever wonder

Do you ever wonder how some people effect our lives? How some people feel so close no matter how far they are, and how some people maybe in the same room with us but at the same time be miles away. The effects of different people amazes me.

Some people you need a daily dose of, but others on a daily basis would be a slow and painful death. On other occasions you will meet someone for a short period of time and yet stay forever effected by them, and they stay alive in your heart and mind for ever. others that have been around for ever you would forget the moment they walk out of the door or you hand up the phone.

I get really touched by writers and authors, I would really be impressed by a writer or a thinker and remember them in my prayers, and you may see this silly but I wish I could meet some of them in heaven. It just amazes me how some people are so great that their words reach out for centuries and touch people's hearts and soul in such a profound way.

To try and put your hand on what makes these people so effective, and what makes others so insignificant is impossible, since I may see someone as my air and water and to others s\he would be just another face in the crowd. Yet again there are those people who touch the hearts of every one who comes in contact with them. All I can think of is that it’s a blessing, to us that we have them in our lives or that we have crossed paths with them, but I don't think that they see it as one all the time, or maybe they do.

2007-04-23T08:10:00.000-04:00

The Best Job on earth

I was reading today an article that stated the 10 most fun jobs, well most of the 10 did not sound like fun to me so I thought I'd make a list of he 10 most fun jobs to me.

1- Restaurant and movie critic: this was one of the listed in the article and I agree with them, you get to see movies before any one else and you get to eat gourmet food, and write your fiery review, what's not like ?

2-Personal shopper: this again was on the list, I totally agree its in my genes to agree with them. Spend the day shopping with someone else's money, perfect ! I tried that before, someone would give me and my friend cash and ask us to buy them makeup or a present, loads of fun !

3-Trainer: this is my own, trainers after a couple of years have all the material that they need, and just need to update them from time to time, but training people is really fun, you get to travel, meet new people all the time, its not a boring desk job. Besides they make good cash !

4- A cooking show: which includes traveling the world to report on the best foods, this could not get any better, travel and good food and getting paid for it.

5-Travel guide\book writer: again you may have noticed the pattern any thing that includes travel and new places is a job for me.

6-A business owner: it does not have to be a multimillion establishment, but any business that is your own without having a boss is great, I know it will be hard work but it gives you a space for breathing and creativity.

7- A photographer for national geographic: travel the world, take beautiful and interesting photographs.

8- Gardener\florist: spending the whole day in the fresh air, working with trees and flowers is just an amazing thing, or as a florist you get to be creative and work with flowers

9- TV\Radio show host: you get to talk and people listen to what you have to say, choose interesting topics and guests this must be an amazing thing, for me at least since I have a natural talent for talking.

10- Humanitarian Worker: this is my actual line of work, but I work in Jordan, I wish I had my same job but in Africa.

This is not a list of the jobs I could have, but the ones I believe I would enjoy doing, and I did not put in mind what each one pays and if it has stability, since it’s a wish list it's not limited with practicality.

2007-04-19T06:00:00.000-04:00

Green almonds

Yesterday one of our American colleagues tries green almonds for the first time in his life. He saw someone selling it on the street and asked us what that is; when we told him they are green almonds he was surprised that we eat them. We got him some and he tried them for the first time, this is not the first time we know that Americans don't know we eat fresh almonds, but this got me to thinking about first times

When was the last time you tasted something new, did something for the first time? We all do new things from time to time even daily, but we let them slip we don't savor the moment and experience they just slide by as if they are something we did a million times before.

You will notice that the world is brighter place with each new smell, taste and experience…enjoy the things around you and don't let them slip away unnoticed and unappreciated.

2007-04-15T01:37:00.000-04:00

Stop the Hunt !

This morning I was picked up by a friend, to go to the gym as usual at around 6 am, we pass by the police station on our way. I was telling her about my stolen car when I saw a familiar looking car parked by the station ! so we stopped to get a closer look, and it sure was my car.

Unfortunately it was all mashed up ! it was in such a horrible accident that I cannot believe they were able to get out of it alive. Long story short its ready to go to sleep in car heaven : (

Since I was so cheap and I don't have general insurance! I have to start paying for a new car from scratch ! well money comes and goes and as long as I'm healthy, I don't really care what happens to material stuff.

PS: I will add the photos of what she looked like after the accident soon

2007-04-14T08:15:00.000-04:00

My Car has been stolen !

(amended)
Dear Friends my car has been stolen sometime between last night and early this morning,( al7amd lilah)….I have reported it stolen at the police station but some how I have the feeling they are not going to loose sleep over it!

We have been informed that sometimes some young guys steel a car for the night, use it until they finish the fuel and then dump it wherever! So if you guys can keep an eye out while driving for my car, and let me know if you find it I will really appreciate it.

It may not be the best car out there but its mine, and I would like it back if possible.

It’s a silver 1991 Mitsubishi hatchback the license plate number is : 673119, and it has one of those things to attach a trailer on I'm not sure what they are called by you have probably seen them around on the back of cars. I live in "Jandaweel " hassan Khawaja Street, so it could be possibly be in that area or Bayader Wadi Al seer, 8th circle.

Please help me find my car !

PS: I cannot believe I don't have any pictures of my car ! this is a look a like : ( well at least you can tell what the car looks like

2007-04-10T05:25:00.000-04:00

Mom's advice

I for one did not take this generic mom's advice, I bet you have heard this one before. "Marry a man who loves you more than you love him " I beg to differ mom, but evidently one of my best friends took it to heart. I got a call from her yesterday saying you know your mom is right! I poured in examples of people who fell pray to this wide spread advice, "no good comes out of that" I said

She was really considering accepting this guy's offer of marriage even though she has no feelings towards him, he obviously loves her, but she only respects the guy he is a great friend she says. Well I cannot really get how people will marry another person that they don't love, I'm not the one to tell that you have to be head over heels for the man, but at least to be warm towards him, I know that married life is different than the pink glasses phase, but how dim will it look if you did not love the person to start with, if you did not have a fluttering heart and butterflies in your stomach period, I cannot imagine what your relationship will look like , ten years down the road.

Since she was torn, my advice is to talk to him for a while and go out with him- before you go re-check who's blog your reading- I will like to tell you that this an accepted practice in Islam, it does not mean go out with tons of people and settle with one of them 3 years later, but rather if you have someone who already wants to marry you, and you are not sure you can have a few phone conversations and to go out with him to a public place chaperoned that is! This came as a surprise to her and I bet to all of you as well.

The shocker for me was that she was reluctant to do so, what ! you were torn to marry the dude or not, and now you don't know if you can live through a few phone calls ! I don't know how smart people can be this stupid !

2007-04-08T05:48:00.000-04:00

Tamara Main time

Today in planet Tamara it’s the 15th of Apr, besides it being payday the 15th bears no particular meaning. Today I have written all the payments cheques dated 15th of Apr ! boy I would have been dead if I did not amend them in time, I wrote 4 cheques that would have made 4 unpleasant conversations! Ooops

Hope the rest of the week will be better than the way it started !

2007-04-04T03:28:00.000-04:00

People I wish did not talk !

There are some occupations that your communication skills are the bread winner skills, in other words you need to talk your ass off to get paid, like people in sales. But on the other hand there are jobs, that people who are holding them interact with people directly, but should keep the blabber at a minimum, though some are very famous for talking too much like hair dressers.

The list is my total whish list, of the people I wish will not talk while they are doing their job, so here it goes :

1- Hair Dressers: these are infamous for talking a lot, some people enjoy the chit chat with their hair dressers, but I whish they would not! what is wrong with you going my hair without forcing me into a stupid conversation.

2- Massagers and skin care experts: I was having a facial that includes a facial massage and the lady kept talking to me this is so annoying, I wished she would have left me to enjoy the massage without having to do small talk. She is my mom's friend and she gives a wonderful facial and I don't think she talks to any one while working but since she knows my mom I had to suffer.

3- Dentists: I think they are told to talk to patients to shift their focus away from what is happening in their mouth, but how do you react to what they are saying ! and the worse part is when they crack a joke while both of his hands and three other tools are in your mouth, not funny!!

4- Waxers: I don't know what they are called but the women who wax our legs (ladies that is), the process is painful enough you don't have to add stupid conversation to the list.

5-Drivers: especially taxi drivers, I don't want to talk to you ! I don't know you and we have nothing in common, why are you talking to me?

I hope you don't get me wrong, I don't see that I am any better than these people, I'm not a snob. But the work they do is either something I want to relax while they are doing or I'm too tense while they are doing, so the conversation is not welcome even if you are my best friend, and or drivers I like to drift in my thoughts between destinations.

2007-04-01T08:52:00.000-04:00

Dreamer

(I have written this post more than a month ago, I was going through my draft posts file and found it, it is still true now as it was then)

I Don't know where to start, I don't know when things started or how will they end, I wish I had more control over things …over my feelings hopes and aspirations. I admit it I am a dreamer maybe this is what got me so far in my life, and got me the success in my career and maybe this is the cause of my fidgeting soul. I work so hard towards the dreams I have and the places I see for my self in my minds eye. The curse of being a dreamer is not with the dreams we can attain. The things that come with hard work but it is with things we have no control over, dreams that snow ball but we never seem able to make them become a reality no matter how hard we work, plan or pray for them.

They say big dreams tire the body, I ware off my body in the pursuit of my dreams, some times its lack of sleep, long working hours. It is so difficult to cope with the fact that I want it all ….for this life and for the life hereafter, I don't want diamonds and furs I want to feel that I reached my potential, I want to make a difference, I want to help others …these are the things I want. My dreams are many and I feel that sometimes I'm tired. You know I will take hard work any day over a night tossing in bed thinking and rethinking about the things about peeks I'm not able to reach.

I feel that I have to work harder, do more things plan better, help more people. Improve my self get more knowledge. But the thing I want most is to be in peace with myself with the things that I might never reach. I admit it my soul is aching; I feel that I must re-evaluate things in my life and reset my priorities, make a few decisions I just don't know where to start or how to get around to them.

2007-03-29T03:12:00.000-04:00

The Truth about Cats and Dogs

I saw this movie again a week or so ago ( when I drafted the post), I loved this movie the first time I saw it years ago, but this time I saw it in a new light. Do guys really look for the personality and compatibility? Or is an airhead model their dream spouse, this side of the male brain configuration is still mysterious.

Examples of men falling in love with the personality are out there, but you don't see much of them, I see the typical beauty with little to no brains being the prize wife every one is looking for, as a single women I have may fair share of suitor stories, I got really mad when my mom told me what the mother of one " 3arees" told her over the phone I wanted to cancel their visit when I found out, but out of respect to mom I did not ask her to cancel, so what made me so mad ? " smi3na fi 3indek bit 7ilweh " and that translates to we have been told that you have a beautiful daughter!!

Is that what I am a beautiful daughter, they did not say successful, smart, well educated, socially active, philanthropist or even a simple religious. At least religious is what I made for my self not something I was born with (that is not entirely true but you know what I mean). All single ladies can share at least 10 stupid stories like that.

Again and again I wonder is it only physical beauty, family name (and connections) and income the only things, that are driving men in the direction of particular woman? don't they care what does she have between her ears ? Well I'm at my wits end a male input would be much appreciated.

2007-03-26T04:48:00.000-04:00

Home Sweet Home ...

So I'm back from Damascus, the visit was filled with new things to learn, see and taste, I was planning that as soon as I get home I will blog all about it, but after a report and a gazillion emails on the issue, writing the details of the visit or even categorizing the events seems a dull thing to do and looks and feels more like work than fun.

The important thing is that I'm back home, I will share some photos with you from my visit and I will put in bullet points some of the fun, odd and crazy stuff that happened the story behind each one will be provided upon request : )

1- I can now be an official tour guide in old Damascus
2- Got proposed to …
3- Found proof that not all French people are snobby: )
4- A priest gave me a "masba7a" as a gift for my dad!
5- I had to convince people I'm not Syrian and that I'm not American

6-had Great food ...lots of it

This sums up my visit to Damascus, with luck I'm going to Turkey next month, if any one has tips or info on that it will be great.

2007-03-21T05:24:00.000-04:00

Problem...

I seem not to be able to veiw my own blog ! Oh Wretched blogger what can I do about thy problem...

2007-03-20T17:38:00.000-04:00

Sleepless in Damascus

I have been in Damascus for the passed two days and I think I will be here for another two days, the work we have to do is important but depends on other peoples courtesy to meet with us, and allow us to pick their brains as my colleague will but it. Thus we need to spend four days to do a two day job.

So this is my second night and I just cannot fall asleep, I have an early morning meeting, and tons of things to do yet, I'm not doing any thing besides watch TV !! this is crazy I have a good book with me I thought I would welcome the peace and quite to catch up on reading. I have reports that need fine tuning, and I always complain that at the office I keep being interrupted, and that I would love to work without the interruption. Yet her I am blogging not working.

The only thing I can think of is that I cannot function in this way, not being in a live environment, it takes a bit getting used to I'm quite busy all week and always. the extra time definitely gives you time to think and explore ideas. I'm just too insomniac to write any thing smart besides a shout out in the night.

2007-03-14T07:28:00.000-04:00

I need Vs. I want

I read this article on MSN it’s about a "no buying month" the idea is basically to go for a whole month without buying any thing that is not necessary. No impulse shopping, no retail therapy, no going out and spending too much money in a restaurant, only essentials that you cannot live without. It is a bit extreme but it is an experiment for a whole month.

During that month you get to evaluate your spending habits, how much you spend on unnecessary things or outings that you really did not need which are too expensive. An upside for that will be all the saving you will do.

There are no guidelines for what is necessary and what is not, this is why it’s a personal experience. Each person gets to evaluate what is a necessary thing and what is not, " do I really need this ? " is the key question you ask your self before each purchase. Tracking the purchases in a small book or an excel sheet is a good idea as well for future reference.

I have decided to start from tomorrow! Its not the beginning of the month but I don't want to loose my enthusiasm for the idea and I will try to get my friends on board to see how much we can save in one month. And self revelation as well – you know me I cannot help it – a month of learning and appreciating the free things in life that are the most important any way.

Today is the day that I took a bold step and went to see the Mini Cooper dealership, I'm shopping for a new car but it is a necessity, I found that a Toyota Yaris is less than half the price of the Mini Cooper, so if I'm to go with this theme of Need Vs. Want, I'll have to go with the Toyota which is not a bad car, and forget – at least for now- about the JOD 28,000 Mini cooper.

So I will let you know in a month how are things going ...

2007-03-12T06:48:00.000-04:00

A home made tag !

Well since I'm back, I feel like creating my first tag ever ! yes you heard me right, I'm creating a tag and putting together the rules for it and I will see how far it will go. But you know me I'm searching your soul and scratching your head kind of a girl, so fasten your seat belts and come along.

I will be answering the tag myself and the rules are easy answer the questions, try to give it a deep thought and give it your own personal twist.

1- If there was a fire at your house and you could save only one thing ( item) what would that be ?

I came across this question in an article and I could not for the life of me think of a one item, the thing that make sense is to save my wallet with all the ID cards, drivers license and bank cards, so forget about facing hell to issue new ID cards and drivers license and passport. I would most likely run to the book shelve and save my treasures, or it would be my gold ankle bracelet that I got from my brother.

2- What is the most embarrassing situation you have been in?

I broke a the plastic part if my heel one day, and it made a hell of noise walking on a solid surface, my office is fully carpeted so it did not make a difference only discomfort walking, but I had a meeting that day and I did not know that the person I was meeting was in an office that is all tiled ! and his office was the last office in the long long long corridor, and I was walking making the noise of the metallic part of the heel against the tile and the other one was a normal heel !! I was mortified!

3- If you can do over a part of your life, what will you change?

I believe that we learn from our mistakes as much or even more than our successes, and that I would not be me if I did not have all the mistakes I have made in the past. I was a person who would make a mistake and then beat my self up over it, loose sleep and really freak out ! then I made a conscience choice to think of the issues I have on hand as deep as I can, to make ( istikhara), take a deep breath and dive in. ever since I know that at the time of the issue I made the best choice I could at the time, so I feel better now even about mistakes or bad choices.

But the things I would like to do over, is finish all the unfinished projects I left, the half read books, get my masters right after graduation, and knock on those doors I never had the nerve to knock on.

I hope you find those questions of value and that the tag is fun to do.

I tag ….. Danah, Ammer ( vegetarian shark ).

Dima ( verbal alchemy) Qwaider, Mala2e6. and any one else who would like to do it : )

2007-03-12T04:18:00.000-04:00

Back from the Dead

So my last post was about three weeks ago ! I cannot believe it has been that long since I last posted, or commented on other people's posts for that matter, I would read a few posts a day, but did not comment as much as I used to.

All this is due to being very busy at work, working for 10 to 12 hours a day, does not leave much energy for anything else, the thought of typing a post or a comment seemed to demand time and energy I did not posses, and after leaving the office when its already dark, I just was looking forward to a warm meal, a hot shower and my bed.

I did not loose the blogger syndrome, which in layman's terms its the " I'm going to blog about this" syndrome. But still I did not get around writing any of them down, and in my draft file I have at least five posts that need revision so they can be safe for human use.

In Short, I just want to say that the rough period is over and I'm back to the land of the living, back to the 9-5 flock, back to the having a weekend and a life for that matter. I will have some real posts soon and watch out I'm coming over to your blogs.

All for now ….

2007-02-27T11:09:00.000-05:00

On the day I felt small

This was yesterday I had meeting related to work in Jabala al Naser. I have to admit I don't really know the eastern part of Amman and easily get lost there. So as we drove there from Um Utheina to Jabal Al-Naser I saw the scenery change, from Villas and elegant office buildings to colorless simple houses. I talk about poverty all the time and I know its out there and I'm not a rich person more middle class than any thing. But the view was so overwhelming and sad, but inside I was thinking well I do work to help these people, I do my fair share of my social and religious and humanitarian work.

Then we arrived at the local organization that we were supposed to have the meeting with. In their humble premises that is in coordination with the surroundings, and with complete full time volunteer staff! I mean I volunteer some hours a week and I thought I was on top of the world. Anyways the work they do is remarkable, it's not in the International NGO levels or UN work but remarkable none the less.

So yesterday was a big reality check for me. I saw people living in far worse circumstances than I do, have far less to give and yet they are giving more than I have ever done. I cannot believe that sometimes I see the work I do as a burden that I try to skip or cut corners from time to time.

It was just this Saturday that blew off all my meetings and work for the day, and took off on a picnic! So yesterday was the day I felt small and insignificant.

2007-02-19T10:24:00.000-05:00

Decisions .....

What is a decision? It’s a conscience choice to take a certain action; it is a commitment to a choice or to a person or a group of people. This is why I feel that decision making is a process, an important one at that matter we grow so much through this process, good and bad decisions in our lives help us grow and mature and figure out our identity and path.

Why do we make decisions, I love decisions that come naturally and easily but these are so rare, you know the thing you grow slowly into and a change in your life that comes effortlessly, you know you have commitment to this new state of mind, but you did not have to go through the whole deal of thinking and analyzing. Then there are those nasty ones ! the decisions you know you need to make but are so afraid, lazy or reluctant to make, because they may carry responsibility and even worse are not revocable.

At times we are pushed towards a decision, and we go through the process kinking and screaming, well the most effective decision is the one we make, following orders to change a thing or to commit to another is following orders not a conscience decision. At other times people who care about us see things we don't and are trying to convince us that making a decisions is imperative and good for us, this adds pressure to an already difficult task.

How do we go about making a decision, well if it’s a choice between two things or more a pro and con list usually helps, but in cases of a single choice dilemma it's not as easy, but still a pro and con list is a very good idea and sheds light. But the Queen of hearts of all decisions is the moral one, the path of life choice …the pure moral and philosophical ones! The decision is to take roads that are not filled with roses. But you feel things in your heart have reached a saturation level that the status quo is a suicide of the soul and a killer of the creativity and mind.

I feel that I'm on the verge of a decision, I'm pushed in that direction by my mentors. Can you imagine how hard it is that the people you respect the most in your life, tell you have to make that decision. Let alone the fact that the decision is not an easy one by any standard but to think that you have to live up to very high expectations.

This post may be general but at the same time its so personal, but I felt that I was compelled to write since writing helps me think! and I needed to vent some of the steam.

2007-02-14T08:56:00.000-05:00

She saw in my coffee cup ...

I see in here that you are very busy at work ….
I see that you are sleep deprived …
I see that you miss blogging ... and reading and commenting on blogs
I see that your dead line is fast approaching and that next week things should be a lot better …
There is hope for you my child … She said

2007-02-06T02:20:00.000-05:00

Count your blessings

I know this may sound cheesy, but we all should take a minute to count our blessings. I was on my way to work early this morning around 06:30 and it was very cold and raining really hard. I was in my warm car and I saw people on the way to their work on foot. Or waiting for a bus in the pouring rain and not even dressed right for this kind of weather.

I thought to myself I should really be thankful and grateful, for all the things I have in my life, but I still mange to complain. It's useful to put things in perspective from time to time, so that we can keep our feet on the ground and our heads out of the clouds.

When was the last time you donated clothes you no longer need ( because they are not IN any more), when was the last time you took out a part of your pay or your allowance and gave it to someone who needed it more than you did? When was the last time you took a look at other people in the street.

2007-02-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

Women are perverts

Yes you have heard me right! This is the thing that first comes to mind when I see some of the snack commercials out there. Luckily I do not have much time for TV. But when I do get the time and see some of the commercials out there I just flip!

I will just take a few into consideration that have the same theme going on, which is yes again ladies and gentlemen, WOMEN ARE PREVERTS. Hey don't take my word for it check out the following commercials. There are more of the same out there just don't flip the channel today when commercials are on and see for your self.

Jewels chocolate by Galaxy.

Three or four ladies looking at the clock till it strikes mid night, then they run up the roof in their PJs and taking their sheets and comforters with them, for a date with the chocolate, besides it being stupid, did you see how they are eating the chocolate, hey I love chocolate but not in that way !

Well actually this is one of the mild ones. The following are even worse.

Galaxy's new chocolate cakes ( can't remember the name at the moment)

Lady rushes her husband out of the house, then goes to the garden sets up a romantic spot and takes the clip of her hair and then proceeds to eat the chocolate, again notice how she eats it !

Lay's Chips

Lady closes the door, her husband attempts to come in but the door is locked and she does not care since she is eating lay's chips! Again notice the eating.

I can go on and on about these commercials, we love chocolate, we know you want to sell your products but this is just too much, talk about objectifying women!

Please respect our inelegance and don't use this stupid and degrading way to sell us chocolate.