Mom's advice
I for one did not take this generic mom's advice, I bet you have heard this one before. "Marry a man who loves you more than you love him " I beg to differ mom, but evidently one of my best friends took it to heart. I got a call from her yesterday saying you know your mom is right! I poured in examples of people who fell pray to this wide spread advice, "no good comes out of that" I said
She was really considering accepting this guy's offer of marriage even though she has no feelings towards him, he obviously loves her, but she only respects the guy he is a great friend she says. Well I cannot really get how people will marry another person that they don't love, I'm not the one to tell that you have to be head over heels for the man, but at least to be warm towards him, I know that married life is different than the pink glasses phase, but how dim will it look if you did not love the person to start with, if you did not have a fluttering heart and butterflies in your stomach period, I cannot imagine what your relationship will look like , ten years down the road.
Since she was torn, my advice is to talk to him for a while and go out with him- before you go re-check who's blog your reading- I will like to tell you that this an accepted practice in Islam, it does not mean go out with tons of people and settle with one of them 3 years later, but rather if you have someone who already wants to marry you, and you are not sure you can have a few phone conversations and to go out with him to a public place chaperoned that is! This came as a surprise to her and I bet to all of you as well.
The shocker for me was that she was reluctant to do so, what ! you were torn to marry the dude or not, and now you don't know if you can live through a few phone calls ! I don't know how smart people can be this stupid !
I for one did not take this generic mom's advice, I bet you have heard this one before. "Marry a man who loves you more than you love him " I beg to differ mom, but evidently one of my best friends took it to heart. I got a call from her yesterday saying you know your mom is right! I poured in examples of people who fell pray to this wide spread advice, "no good comes out of that" I said
She was really considering accepting this guy's offer of marriage even though she has no feelings towards him, he obviously loves her, but she only respects the guy he is a great friend she says. Well I cannot really get how people will marry another person that they don't love, I'm not the one to tell that you have to be head over heels for the man, but at least to be warm towards him, I know that married life is different than the pink glasses phase, but how dim will it look if you did not love the person to start with, if you did not have a fluttering heart and butterflies in your stomach period, I cannot imagine what your relationship will look like , ten years down the road.
Since she was torn, my advice is to talk to him for a while and go out with him- before you go re-check who's blog your reading- I will like to tell you that this an accepted practice in Islam, it does not mean go out with tons of people and settle with one of them 3 years later, but rather if you have someone who already wants to marry you, and you are not sure you can have a few phone conversations and to go out with him to a public place chaperoned that is! This came as a surprise to her and I bet to all of you as well.
The shocker for me was that she was reluctant to do so, what ! you were torn to marry the dude or not, and now you don't know if you can live through a few phone calls ! I don't know how smart people can be this stupid !
13 comments:
WOW i type same its a Draft couldn't finish it yet...
"my advice is to talk to him for a while and go out with him- before you go re-check who's blog your reading- I will like to tell you that this an accepted practice in Islam, it does not mean go out with tons of people and settle with one of them 3 years later, but rather if you have someone who already wants to marry you, and you are not sure you can have a few phone conversations and to go out with him to a public place chaperoned that is! This came as a surprise to her and I bet to all of you as well."
100% , its Allow and true ,
i have been told: marry a women love u more than u love her,
the silly thing sorry to say that , that many girls say we LOVE ONCE , so if she had some one and she love him and he's die or left her , she will take any man love her and she will do respect him with no LOVE ,
alot of talk , soon BRB
Everyone wants to be the one benefiting the most from a relationship. Unfortunately relationships that are not based on commonality, compatibility and equality have higher probability of going really downhill!
Anyway, I've talked about this before. It just a repeating trend that appears everywhere these days.
Then guess what, she will blame him for not being her first choice, because her first choice never cared. And the one who cared, ended up in second place! Talk about cases of when you win you really lose
You know Tamara… I remember I wrote a post about the same issue long time a ago
http://maioush.wordpress.com/2007/02/21/you-should-be-with-a-guy-who-loves-you-more-than-you-do/
As I said over there.. It’s all about balance, it doesn’t matter who love s the other more, it’s not a race, both of them has to work really hard for this relationship to work, I have this question in my head for a long time and I never found an answer for it, what difference will it make? Will I be the stronger part in this relationship? WILL I BE HAPPIER???
If she doesn’t love him as mush as he does, he will get to a point that he will look for someone to love him, that’s human nature we look for attention, if we don’t find it, we look for it.. good luck to your
i heard this advice before..but..think about it..if she didn't have any feelings for him later..he will be a miserable man and all his love will turn into indiferance and probably hate
when a man loves a woman deeply he expects some feelings in return..a man never ever expects that if a woman accepted to marry him that she does not love him..ya3ni ur friends man thinks now hthat she has some feelings for him..
was she clear about her feelings..i doubt it
this means that he was deveived
this wont work..she would never be happy and he will be miserable
Qabbani
I guess every one is told the same thing ! does not make any sense at all, and the idea that you love only once is not true, you just need to take time to heal and then give someone a chance. elbanat bs bi7ibo yetdala3o aw yebariru la7alhom elhabal 2li be3malo : )
Qwaider
the problem is that they think they will be on the receiving end and they will win, but that is not true at all few years along the road each one will be looking for something out of the house! which is pathetic
Maioush
the thing is as Q said wants to be benefiting from the relationship more ! that does not mean they are truly happy and that they have a fulfilling marriage.
Mala2e6
I totally agree with you, they will never be happy ! he will be shocked when he gets a cold shoulder, it may backfire which would be a disaster.
I've heard the same too. But I think that we are not in the old eras where most of the women got married without knowing their husbands or talking to them, and his love to her would be enough. If she didnt have some love to him or any acceptance for him other than his love to her, that wont make a great marriage. Marriage is about getting along, understanding, mutual love. They should share everything and have stuff in common.One sided love is very wrong and won't end up in anything but non-satisfaction and not very successful marriage.
Mrs.alramahi
You are right ! this kind of marriage is not satisfying at all, but people find this out when its too late !
I don't think marriage is a game where there's a winner and a loser!
both sides should be winners, or it will be impossible to continue living together..
personally, i can't live with someone for the rest of my life if i don't have feelings towards him, mu daroori koun head over heals, but i should love him "differently" not like i love my brother or friends!
the part with "I will like to tell you that this an accepted practice in Islam" ... well said girl, i too find going out in public places (which is a bit better than phone calls because it has nothing private about it) once u set on someone, THAT is as long as u told ur parents or ur brothers, and he did too...
Desert rose
I agree with you, its either two winners or two losers !
Mariam Ayyash
Totally agree in a public place there are more constrains than on the phone. and yes the point is your not doing anything sneaky so your parents should know.
i bet 99% of mothers say this exact statement to their daughters..
i for one never believed in that.. ppl dont get married coz they CAN make it, its the idea that they cant make it without that person that makes em wanna marry em! ma ba2dar astaw3eb mabda2 inno ah batjawazo, la2enno munaseb eli! tayeb what bout feelings?
i believe love shud be present, coz if a man feels his wife isnt AS giving and loving as he is, he will resent himself at some point down the line.. and vice versa akid. and that resentment will result in innate rage which will prolly lead to discomfort and dislike and then life will become unbearable for both of em..
as for he shud love more, im not quite sure a man can love more than a women since we r the emotional bundle of joy lol..
Dima
I agree seems every one heard this advice at a time or another.
naturally I agree with you, and about ((as for he shud love more, im not quite sure a man can love more than a women since we r the emotional bundle of joy lol)) loooooooool this is true we are bundles of joy : )
Waw .. I miss your posts girl !!! that was a good post Tamara !
I hear the advice , mostly from my friends , my mother does not really like to comment on those things :) .. anyway ..
I kind of agree with you , taking someone as a husband , just because he "loves" you , with no feelings from your side , would probably ruin it later , where would be the chemistry in that relation ? its going to be dull and dead ..
I
guess mothers advice should be somehow vice versa. I mean , men generally like to lead the relation , and initiate the feeling , while they want the woman to respond to them , so if the woman was the initiator of the feeling and posses the bigger part of it , the man might still marry her , yet with unmatched feelings .. and this may also cause the relation problems as life goes on .
generally speaking , its a two sided relation , each side should respect , love and be attracted to the other .
As for the going out part , I agree with you , but I have a point to add . that if she was sure of her decision about getting married to this person , she would probably went out with him , despite other "factors to consider" simply because she is sure of her feelings and his . sometimes , when we are sure of a thing , we go a head and do it despite the objection or criticism .
I am not sure if I cleared my point :) .. but all in all .. I love this post ..and BTW .. miss you Tamara :)
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