On a day like today

If you visit my profile page today you will notice a slight change, yes that is right I turned 29 today! I'm I freaking out ? yes a little bit : ) but they say age is just a number and what matters is how you feel, I feel great that is not the problem, and I don't worry how I look since if I'm as half as lucky as my mom I will get to my fifties still looking 10 years younger than I am, so that is not a problem, the problem is what have I accomplish, in the 29 years I have dwelled this green earth.

Sometimes it feels like a lot, and sometimes it feels like I'm still scratching the surface of life, did I do all the things I have to do in this life, No ! did I learn all I want to learn, NO ! have I left a mark in this life? thinking Addison I would say no, looking at all the people I know I would say, yes ! But as life has its ups and downs I'm not really sure.

I just have hope against hope that I am growing, I don't want to flip the pages of a calendar and say I have grown a year. I want to taste life, ponder, learn, observe and grow. Did I grow a year in this last year? I did learn a lot ….things have changed for me in so many ways, I can honestly say yes I have grown a year this year. This does not mean at all that I have reached my goal, but it feels warm inside that I'm growing.

Activities for couples in Amman


We all know this all too well, Amman does not have enough non-food related outlets. So since Mohammad and I have been going out daily you kind of run out of places to go, bearing in mind we don't want to triple our waste line by the wedding day, so we try to find places and things to do without food involved, so I'm attempting a list of things you can do in our beloved Amman, and by the way you don't have to be a couple to try these friends can use the extra activities.

Updated
1-Movies: this is the classic choice, its refreshing you can see a light movie and laugh together, or you can see a conversation provoking one depends on your mood .

2- Balling: if you are a fan of the game or not its very nice idea for going out, and we now have at least four balling alleys.

3-Picnics: I love picnics! you don't have to pack a lot of food or any thing, just a rug and some munchies and fruits and off you go, you can spend a very nice romantic afternoon or a whole day, try " abu Elsus" or " wadi al shita" if you live in west Amman they are less than half an hour drive.

4- Walking: taking nice walks in Amman is a challenge, but you can go to several places, the "Hussien Park" is a very nice place for walking, the later the less crowded. If you are fond of old Ammine houses like me, a walk in " Jabal Amman" looking at houses is a great walk, you can choose any thing you like, we even walked a couple of times in down town Amman, walking into quaint little shops. Bottom line walks are great and venues are plenty.

5- Stay at home: it’s a good atmosphere for talking without laud music, it’s a nice bond with his or your family, look through each others photo albums, or listen to music, read a book together "this could be done in the picnic as well"

6- shopping: shopping together for your future home, or something that one of you need, its great fun! And it’s a very bonding activity; believe me you will learn a lot from shopping together.

7- Check the social calendar in the news paper: you will find art galleries, foreign film festivals, and some other types of activities, granted the choices are limited but you will find choices to take you away from cafés and restaurants.

8-Road trip\ drive : From the suggestions of Dima and Qwaider, taking a drive out of town to a favorite destination " dead sea" or " Madaba" for example, while listening to your favorite music.

These are kind of general ideas, you can mix and match them to get your own favorite pastime together. Going to try out a new restaurant or café is fun, but spending all your time there is not healthy so finding additional activities is essential to me at least.

If you have any more ideas please share and I will add them to the list so we can have a list that is more comprehensive for fun activities in Amman.

110

I cannot believe my self, I got to the One hundredth post and I did nothing, it was actually a depressing post! so I said I'm not in the mood of writing about my 100 posts, so I will talk about it on my corner's first birthday, and I missed that one as well !

The problem I'm not in the reflective mood today, but just flickering through my posts for the whole year I can see the ups and downs, my philosophical moods, my analytical moods, and my plain old quarks …so what is the color of your smile kind of thing : )

I feel my corner gives a window into my heart and brains at the same time, I can totally understand your confusion, I started to believe that people have the right to find me strange, I'm cool with that now ! well no one here told me they find me strange, but sometimes " in real life" I get that when someone from work sees me in a social event, some people who know me for years still get surprised from time to time.

I guess this is all for now, not the best piece of writing but I had to mark this post at least it’s a round figure : ) can you guys tell me your favorite post in the corner? Maybe I feel later like using my brain : )

On Being the change you don't want to be

I have seen all my life ladies getting engaged and then turning their back on their friends, she used to spend all her free time with them and after engagement she hardly ever sees any one of the old gang, then she gets married and she totally turns into another person, she would be sitting there but she is not the same person any more!

Now that I have crossed over to the other side, I see things a bit differently, I actually told my friends that as soon as you see me change into something that I'm not tell me and slap me back to my senses. Alas things are never that simple, you go through a major change in your life and its not easy at all, there is this special person that you would like to spend every minute of the day with, but there are other people in the equation, a whole new family " in law" there are the parties you have to plan, there are the phone calls to congratulate, then comes the wedding plans, the furniture and the house and a lot of other things! Take all that and add it to your already hectic life, someone still has to do you job which chances are, is still YOU.

At this point of being very busy and your emotions are all over the place, someone comes and says you don't call me as much as you did before, you are changed! This did not happen to me, my friends are being so supportive, which is the way things have to be. They are great friends and I'm so lucky to have their support. So friends be the source of support and relief to your bride friend and don't be an extra burden.

PS: if I post more than three engagement \ wedding posts in a raw slap me please !!

Climbing a mountain without ropes

Being a person so interested in human nature and relationships, I had so many observations and ideas about human nature and interaction, now I feel I'm being tested to the level of my conviction in my own deductions and advises, that I ever so generously used to share with the world for as long as I could remember.

You have to be patient, relationships need effort and time, trust and mutual respect are the foundations of a lasting love, all of those at one pint or another I had to practice after preaching about for so long.

The new thing that I discovered, and I practiced before I preached (there is a first time for every thing !), its letting go of all your guards and safety nets ! sounds simple, huh ? well in practice not so simple and it gets more and more complicated with age and experience. So what do I mean exactly, simply that the more you are open in a relationship of any kind ,the worse it will be if things don't work out or if the person you are with hurts you, so innately I think people don't open up very fast or completely.

It is simple act of self preservation, the less I open up the less hurt I will be if things go down the drain, me being a person who could not settle for a normal connection in any of my relationships I could not settle for second best with my fiancé, so one of us had to initiate the no guards or safety net. I do not claim its easy but I promise its worth it, because in love its either all the way or nothing, you get a profound sense of closeness and you take your relationship to the next level.

Two Reasons

I did not post for ages! I seem to do that from time to time jut disappear unwillingly for a while. Well I have two reasons for this time, first of all I had to do a LOT of technical writing that my creative part started to quiver into hibernation, This including the fact that I was very busy at work assigned to three different projects besides managing staff.

The second reason is that I got engaged ! can you believe it ? I'm personally still in a kind of a shock myself, he is a great guy my soul mate, we have known each other ( non-romantically) for four years and recently things developed very fast, I'm so happy that one of my friends is now my fiancé. So I'm in the over the clouds and pink classes kind of a phase.

Well I promise from now on more posts, and maybe a bit more details even ; p

One night

Tossing around in her bed fighting ghosts and fears, flooding her pillow with boiling tears. The pain in her heart is too great to take, and the night is too long and dark. She whispers " I love you... I miss you"

Tossing around in her bed fighting a desire to laugh as hard as she can, sweet tears of joy watering her rosy cheeks. The joy in her heart is too great and the night is too long. She whispers "I love... I miss you"

Tossing around in her bed wondering and wishing, she remembers one and she smiles and her soul floats with happiness. She remembers the other and her heart skips a beat, and a small tear materializes in her eye. she remembers herself and makes a small wish in the silence of the night to be as one of them soon. She whispers " I love you ....I miss you".

Different stories…..One night

More harm than good


I had a meeting yesterday in Jabal Al- Natheef yesterday, and I saw this ad if I may call it so. In theory an ad should sell an idea, now I'm not a marketing person but having common sense is enough to see that this will hardly sell any thing.

It totally disregards that smoking is an addiction ! a physiological one to be exact, and should be treated as so, I would think that they had this in mind thus used the religious approach. Which is used in the worse sense ever !

We could dissect on how many levels this is wrong and stupid but I will leave it at that.

Answers….

Walking though the beads door, the strong sent of oriental aromas filled his being with anticipation, with trembling hands and the red of embracement on his face, he approached the lady sitting on the floor in a hallow of colors and sparkle. She pointed to a pillow, he sat there without thinking. His mind was busy thinking of how stupid and rather desperate he was for even coming here.

He could not remember much of what she said later, she looked at his palm, and she threw stones on the red cloth. She said a lot of things that made no sense. Later on while walking in the clod weather with only distant echoes in his head and a sense of emptiness. Looking into people's faces, at droplets of rain lingering on branches.

Little do we all know that seeking truth may be an eluding path that may lead you to scary places. Take you on delusional trips, but the thing people seldom know is that the straight path is the way to the truth answers. It just takes a wise soul and a brave heart.

Goal oriented people

Since I don't have a car anymore \yet I'm taking taxies to work. With the usual cab driver philosophy, view on politics and his life story chit chat. They told me another thing about their personality that I bet they did not know they were saying or for that matter have.

I get into the taxi and tell the driver Um Utheina (going to the office) and some just go in the direction of Um Utheina and when we pass the 7th circle, he asks: " min ta7t elnafaq wila min elsades ? " which translates to: Via the tunnel or the 6th circle ?. Now other drivers will ask me as soon as I name the place, where in Um Utheina? And they have me detail the root to them before we even reach the 8th circle. And the same goes to the way back home.

It's interesting how some people start implementing a particular task and ask questions later. Others need a clear goal and then they contemplate the best way to go about the task, only then do they proceed to do the work. The first type of people are not as effective in a work environment and at some times even costly and dangerous to have around, they will never be " in a perfect world" team leaders or project mangers, and if they do they are the worst possible ones. And if you are goal oriented and you have one of them as a supervisor…well good luck!

It may not make a big difference in the taxi driving business, but its strange to see very useful characteristics not being utilized to the best of their potential, again it makes me think what a great team leader this young man would have made had he had the proper drive and initiative, since no one quality will get you to the place you want to be. But such a natural disposition will definitely help.

Makes me think how many wasted talents are out there.

Job Opportunity ( Muse wanted )

Things are strange with me; I just seem to have misplaced my fun muse (yes I had a fun muse!) I was going through a rough patch but things are a lot better now. Work wise things are going great and the pieces of the puzzle in other aspects are coming together. Yet I face a blank page and I cannot write any thing!

I would be having dinner like last night with a friend and think why didn't I bring the camera, I could write about the great food at this place and the funny story with the valet, and a series of other fun stuff that is going on , but NO nothing really comes to mind, I cannot put together anything that is remotely interesting.

So this is just to let those of you who were worried about me, that I'm fine and as busy as ever. Life is not all pink and rosy but it never was to start with.

I cannot believe I could not think of anything else to write about! Sorry
So seriously I need an inspiration … I need a muse

In the Ghetto

In response to what Abed hamdan and Mala2e6 started, I'm trying to do half the good job they did talking about Amman, the sunny side and the not so sunny side. I feel strongly about this and I wanted to find another angle than what they have both used. This song by Elvis came to mind. Its Called Ghetto. Take Chicago out of the lyrics and replace it with the name of any city or district beside West Amman and it will be as true and accurate.

On a cold and gray chicago mornin

A poor little baby child is born

In the ghetto

And his mama criescause

if theres one thing that she dont need

Its another hungry mouth to feed

In the ghetto

People, dont you understand

The child needs a helping hand

Or hell grow to be an angry young man some day

Take a look at you and me,

Are we too blind to see,

Do we simply turn our headsAnd look the other way

Well the world turns

And a hungry little boy with a runny nose

Plays in the street as the cold wind blows

In the ghetto

And his hunger burns

So he starts to roam the streets at night

And he learns how to steal

And he learns how to fight

In the ghetto

Then one night in desperation

A young man breaks away

He buys a gun, steals a car,

Tries to run, but he dont get far

And his mama cries

As a crowd gathers round an angry young man

Face down on the street with a gun in his hand

In the ghetto

As her young man dies,On a cold and gray chicago mornin,

Another little baby child is born

In the ghetto

Please refer to the definition of Ghetto and you will see what a bad shape things are in Jordan, can we help by only writing about it, maybe not but we need to start some where and this is as good start as any. This may help people not living in the ghetto understand what it means to live a life where hope and dignity are as scarce as basic services and adequate income.Like a child let us first master the first step in understanding others and developing a general empathy with the issues of the less fortunate. We can then start to think about ways to lend a helping hand.

I hope one day we will start a "Bloggers for change" campaign. But for now let's stick to the change of the mid set and develop a social conscience. and just to make the problem a little bit more real and relevant, the person that stole my car is an angry boy who is 17 years old, besides steeling my car and a few others he is guilty of murdering a taxi driver for a hand full of dinnars, do you think a young man will be thinking of steeling and crime at his age if he did not have to, or at least was not made angry by the society and lack of essentials for a normal life. I don't want any one to think that I condone such actions, he is wrong and many young men and women in far worse circumstances did not ever resort to crime and violence. But you have to feel sorry for them and some what responsible as a society. so things are not in another universe ...they are here at home !

Dear Diary

With red dry eyes, shivering voice, with pain lodged in my heart, and no limbs to extract it…I stand here before you, helpless but not blameless, hopeless but not shameless…

Dear diary today I died a little inside ...

Tamara

10 Simple pleasures

Since I have been writing a bit heavy stuff lately, and since I lately noticed the deterioration in my writing skills ! a light subject is a welcome break, I will try and keep it light and avoid following my tendency to over analyze or talk too much. So in response to Dima's tag I'm listing 10 simple pleasures and the rules are as follows:

a. You have to use the picture in my post.b. You have to list exactly 10 points.c. You have to tag 3 bloggers when you are done.


1- Fresh mornings, when the weather is clear and sunny and at the same time has a cool breeze.
2- Cold watermelons
3- Warm blanket, cup of tea and a book in winter afternoons
4- Water, in all shapes and forms and uses from drinking it to rain to swimming all of it !
5- Salt
6- Smiles and laughter
7- Coffee
8- Smell of freshly washed clothes
9- Colors and beautiful patterns
10- Shoes : )

I tag any one who would like to do this : )

Change ...

So sleepy and lazy, then fresh and energetic, then excited and busy, then moved to a kind of a hyper phase, but eventually got to the point of heart pounding excitement, soon after a little bit annoyed and disappointed.

All these moods and a few more I got through since this morning till now. and I thought I was not that moody, guess I was wrong estimating my moodiness. Did you ever notice how one word, one phone call and even one smile can change your mood. The human psyche is so interesting we can be as stable as a rock in the wind and as fragile as an autam leaf.

It takes time to be centered again after and external effect, no matter how stable a person is, it still takes us time to get back to our default state of mind, it varies from one person to another some people need days to recover for others it’s a matter of minutes, most naturally it depends on the external factor itself.

Will we know if something hit us so hard that it bent us out of shape? Will we think it’s a temporary thing, will we notice and know that at this place in time I was changed for ever. It maybe for the better or worse, it may effect how we preserve future events. At certain points we know that we have been forever changed and other changes come gradually like rocks caressed by the constant sea.

One thing for certain we do change, we cannot stop that but we can try to change to the better rather than to the worse.

A walk in the park

Did you ever read a book with someone ? if you did even if you are not in the same physical space with them you feel so close to each other, the idea that the other person is reading the same words and ideas entwines you, this could happen if you are watching a move or a show, or even looking at the starts in the sky at the same time.

There are many levels of intimacy and the most powerful one is the spiritual and intellectual intimacy, it builds a strong friendship and defiantly strengthens a love relationship.

There are many magical moments in life that two people can share, and they don't have to be in the same place, they just have to be together in spirit, which not many people who are together in the same place can claim! I see so many people together but worlds apart.

Another level is two people working for a common goal, the comfort of them thriving for the same thing miles away, gives a sense of security and intimacy that words just fall short to describe.

Some people live their lives never getting close enough to any one, they never took a walk through Shakespearian sonnets, or visited the gardens of " Ibn El-qayem" or knew what the labyrinths of the other persons mind and soul are planted with.

Do you ever wonder

Do you ever wonder how some people effect our lives? How some people feel so close no matter how far they are, and how some people maybe in the same room with us but at the same time be miles away. The effects of different people amazes me.

Some people you need a daily dose of, but others on a daily basis would be a slow and painful death. On other occasions you will meet someone for a short period of time and yet stay forever effected by them, and they stay alive in your heart and mind for ever. others that have been around for ever you would forget the moment they walk out of the door or you hand up the phone.

I get really touched by writers and authors, I would really be impressed by a writer or a thinker and remember them in my prayers, and you may see this silly but I wish I could meet some of them in heaven. It just amazes me how some people are so great that their words reach out for centuries and touch people's hearts and soul in such a profound way.

To try and put your hand on what makes these people so effective, and what makes others so insignificant is impossible, since I may see someone as my air and water and to others s\he would be just another face in the crowd. Yet again there are those people who touch the hearts of every one who comes in contact with them. All I can think of is that it’s a blessing, to us that we have them in our lives or that we have crossed paths with them, but I don't think that they see it as one all the time, or maybe they do.

The Best Job on earth

I was reading today an article that stated the 10 most fun jobs, well most of the 10 did not sound like fun to me so I thought I'd make a list of he 10 most fun jobs to me.

1- Restaurant and movie critic: this was one of the listed in the article and I agree with them, you get to see movies before any one else and you get to eat gourmet food, and write your fiery review, what's not like ?

2-Personal shopper: this again was on the list, I totally agree its in my genes to agree with them. Spend the day shopping with someone else's money, perfect ! I tried that before, someone would give me and my friend cash and ask us to buy them makeup or a present, loads of fun !

3-Trainer: this is my own, trainers after a couple of years have all the material that they need, and just need to update them from time to time, but training people is really fun, you get to travel, meet new people all the time, its not a boring desk job. Besides they make good cash !

4- A cooking show: which includes traveling the world to report on the best foods, this could not get any better, travel and good food and getting paid for it.

5-Travel guide\book writer: again you may have noticed the pattern any thing that includes travel and new places is a job for me.

6-A business owner: it does not have to be a multimillion establishment, but any business that is your own without having a boss is great, I know it will be hard work but it gives you a space for breathing and creativity.

7- A photographer for national geographic: travel the world, take beautiful and interesting photographs.

8- Gardener\florist: spending the whole day in the fresh air, working with trees and flowers is just an amazing thing, or as a florist you get to be creative and work with flowers

9- TV\Radio show host: you get to talk and people listen to what you have to say, choose interesting topics and guests this must be an amazing thing, for me at least since I have a natural talent for talking.

10- Humanitarian Worker: this is my actual line of work, but I work in Jordan, I wish I had my same job but in Africa.

This is not a list of the jobs I could have, but the ones I believe I would enjoy doing, and I did not put in mind what each one pays and if it has stability, since it’s a wish list it's not limited with practicality.

Green almonds


Yesterday one of our American colleagues tries green almonds for the first time in his life. He saw someone selling it on the street and asked us what that is; when we told him they are green almonds he was surprised that we eat them. We got him some and he tried them for the first time, this is not the first time we know that Americans don't know we eat fresh almonds, but this got me to thinking about first times

When was the last time you tasted something new, did something for the first time? We all do new things from time to time even daily, but we let them slip we don't savor the moment and experience they just slide by as if they are something we did a million times before.

You will notice that the world is brighter place with each new smell, taste and experience…enjoy the things around you and don't let them slip away unnoticed and unappreciated.

Stop the Hunt !

This morning I was picked up by a friend, to go to the gym as usual at around 6 am, we pass by the police station on our way. I was telling her about my stolen car when I saw a familiar looking car parked by the station ! so we stopped to get a closer look, and it sure was my car.

Unfortunately it was all mashed up ! it was in such a horrible accident that I cannot believe they were able to get out of it alive. Long story short its ready to go to sleep in car heaven : (

Since I was so cheap and I don't have general insurance! I have to start paying for a new car from scratch ! well money comes and goes and as long as I'm healthy, I don't really care what happens to material stuff.

PS: I will add the photos of what she looked like after the accident soon

My Car has been stolen !

(amended)
Dear Friends my car has been stolen sometime between last night and early this morning,( al7amd lilah)….I have reported it stolen at the police station but some how I have the feeling they are not going to loose sleep over it!

We have been informed that sometimes some young guys steel a car for the night, use it until they finish the fuel and then dump it wherever! So if you guys can keep an eye out while driving for my car, and let me know if you find it I will really appreciate it.

It may not be the best car out there but its mine, and I would like it back if possible.

It’s a silver 1991 Mitsubishi hatchback the license plate number is : 673119, and it has one of those things to attach a trailer on I'm not sure what they are called by you have probably seen them around on the back of cars. I live in "Jandaweel " hassan Khawaja Street, so it could be possibly be in that area or Bayader Wadi Al seer, 8th circle.

Please help me find my car !

PS: I cannot believe I don't have any pictures of my car ! this is a look a like : ( well at least you can tell what the car looks like

Mom's advice

I for one did not take this generic mom's advice, I bet you have heard this one before. "Marry a man who loves you more than you love him " I beg to differ mom, but evidently one of my best friends took it to heart. I got a call from her yesterday saying you know your mom is right! I poured in examples of people who fell pray to this wide spread advice, "no good comes out of that" I said

She was really considering accepting this guy's offer of marriage even though she has no feelings towards him, he obviously loves her, but she only respects the guy he is a great friend she says. Well I cannot really get how people will marry another person that they don't love, I'm not the one to tell that you have to be head over heels for the man, but at least to be warm towards him, I know that married life is different than the pink glasses phase, but how dim will it look if you did not love the person to start with, if you did not have a fluttering heart and butterflies in your stomach period, I cannot imagine what your relationship will look like , ten years down the road.

Since she was torn, my advice is to talk to him for a while and go out with him- before you go re-check who's blog your reading- I will like to tell you that this an accepted practice in Islam, it does not mean go out with tons of people and settle with one of them 3 years later, but rather if you have someone who already wants to marry you, and you are not sure you can have a few phone conversations and to go out with him to a public place chaperoned that is! This came as a surprise to her and I bet to all of you as well.

The shocker for me was that she was reluctant to do so, what ! you were torn to marry the dude or not, and now you don't know if you can live through a few phone calls ! I don't know how smart people can be this stupid !

Tamara Main time

Today in planet Tamara it’s the 15th of Apr, besides it being payday the 15th bears no particular meaning. Today I have written all the payments cheques dated 15th of Apr ! boy I would have been dead if I did not amend them in time, I wrote 4 cheques that would have made 4 unpleasant conversations! Ooops

Hope the rest of the week will be better than the way it started !

People I wish did not talk !

There are some occupations that your communication skills are the bread winner skills, in other words you need to talk your ass off to get paid, like people in sales. But on the other hand there are jobs, that people who are holding them interact with people directly, but should keep the blabber at a minimum, though some are very famous for talking too much like hair dressers.

The list is my total whish list, of the people I wish will not talk while they are doing their job, so here it goes :

1- Hair Dressers: these are infamous for talking a lot, some people enjoy the chit chat with their hair dressers, but I whish they would not! what is wrong with you going my hair without forcing me into a stupid conversation.

2- Massagers and skin care experts: I was having a facial that includes a facial massage and the lady kept talking to me this is so annoying, I wished she would have left me to enjoy the massage without having to do small talk. She is my mom's friend and she gives a wonderful facial and I don't think she talks to any one while working but since she knows my mom I had to suffer.

3- Dentists: I think they are told to talk to patients to shift their focus away from what is happening in their mouth, but how do you react to what they are saying ! and the worse part is when they crack a joke while both of his hands and three other tools are in your mouth, not funny!!

4- Waxers: I don't know what they are called but the women who wax our legs (ladies that is), the process is painful enough you don't have to add stupid conversation to the list.

5-Drivers: especially taxi drivers, I don't want to talk to you ! I don't know you and we have nothing in common, why are you talking to me?

I hope you don't get me wrong, I don't see that I am any better than these people, I'm not a snob. But the work they do is either something I want to relax while they are doing or I'm too tense while they are doing, so the conversation is not welcome even if you are my best friend, and or drivers I like to drift in my thoughts between destinations.

Dreamer

(I have written this post more than a month ago, I was going through my draft posts file and found it, it is still true now as it was then)

I Don't know where to start, I don't know when things started or how will they end, I wish I had more control over things …over my feelings hopes and aspirations. I admit it I am a dreamer maybe this is what got me so far in my life, and got me the success in my career and maybe this is the cause of my fidgeting soul. I work so hard towards the dreams I have and the places I see for my self in my minds eye. The curse of being a dreamer is not with the dreams we can attain. The things that come with hard work but it is with things we have no control over, dreams that snow ball but we never seem able to make them become a reality no matter how hard we work, plan or pray for them.

They say big dreams tire the body, I ware off my body in the pursuit of my dreams, some times its lack of sleep, long working hours. It is so difficult to cope with the fact that I want it all ….for this life and for the life hereafter, I don't want diamonds and furs I want to feel that I reached my potential, I want to make a difference, I want to help others …these are the things I want. My dreams are many and I feel that sometimes I'm tired. You know I will take hard work any day over a night tossing in bed thinking and rethinking about the things about peeks I'm not able to reach.

I feel that I have to work harder, do more things plan better, help more people. Improve my self get more knowledge. But the thing I want most is to be in peace with myself with the things that I might never reach. I admit it my soul is aching; I feel that I must re-evaluate things in my life and reset my priorities, make a few decisions I just don't know where to start or how to get around to them.

The Truth about Cats and Dogs

I saw this movie again a week or so ago ( when I drafted the post), I loved this movie the first time I saw it years ago, but this time I saw it in a new light. Do guys really look for the personality and compatibility? Or is an airhead model their dream spouse, this side of the male brain configuration is still mysterious.

Examples of men falling in love with the personality are out there, but you don't see much of them, I see the typical beauty with little to no brains being the prize wife every one is looking for, as a single women I have may fair share of suitor stories, I got really mad when my mom told me what the mother of one " 3arees" told her over the phone I wanted to cancel their visit when I found out, but out of respect to mom I did not ask her to cancel, so what made me so mad ? " smi3na fi 3indek bit 7ilweh " and that translates to we have been told that you have a beautiful daughter!!

Is that what I am a beautiful daughter, they did not say successful, smart, well educated, socially active, philanthropist or even a simple religious. At least religious is what I made for my self not something I was born with (that is not entirely true but you know what I mean). All single ladies can share at least 10 stupid stories like that.

Again and again I wonder is it only physical beauty, family name (and connections) and income the only things, that are driving men in the direction of particular woman? don't they care what does she have between her ears ? Well I'm at my wits end a male input would be much appreciated.

Home Sweet Home ...

So I'm back from Damascus, the visit was filled with new things to learn, see and taste, I was planning that as soon as I get home I will blog all about it, but after a report and a gazillion emails on the issue, writing the details of the visit or even categorizing the events seems a dull thing to do and looks and feels more like work than fun.

The important thing is that I'm back home, I will share some photos with you from my visit and I will put in bullet points some of the fun, odd and crazy stuff that happened the story behind each one will be provided upon request : )

1- I can now be an official tour guide in old Damascus
2- Got proposed to …
3- Found proof that not all French people are snobby: )
4- A priest gave me a "masba7a" as a gift for my dad!
5- I had to convince people I'm not Syrian and that I'm not American

6-had Great food ...lots of it

This sums up my visit to Damascus, with luck I'm going to Turkey next month, if any one has tips or info on that it will be great.

Problem...

I seem not to be able to veiw my own blog ! Oh Wretched blogger what can I do about thy problem...

Sleepless in Damascus

I have been in Damascus for the passed two days and I think I will be here for another two days, the work we have to do is important but depends on other peoples courtesy to meet with us, and allow us to pick their brains as my colleague will but it. Thus we need to spend four days to do a two day job.

So this is my second night and I just cannot fall asleep, I have an early morning meeting, and tons of things to do yet, I'm not doing any thing besides watch TV !! this is crazy I have a good book with me I thought I would welcome the peace and quite to catch up on reading. I have reports that need fine tuning, and I always complain that at the office I keep being interrupted, and that I would love to work without the interruption. Yet her I am blogging not working.

The only thing I can think of is that I cannot function in this way, not being in a live environment, it takes a bit getting used to I'm quite busy all week and always. the extra time definitely gives you time to think and explore ideas. I'm just too insomniac to write any thing smart besides a shout out in the night.

I need Vs. I want

I read this article on MSN it’s about a "no buying month" the idea is basically to go for a whole month without buying any thing that is not necessary. No impulse shopping, no retail therapy, no going out and spending too much money in a restaurant, only essentials that you cannot live without. It is a bit extreme but it is an experiment for a whole month.

During that month you get to evaluate your spending habits, how much you spend on unnecessary things or outings that you really did not need which are too expensive. An upside for that will be all the saving you will do.

There are no guidelines for what is necessary and what is not, this is why it’s a personal experience. Each person gets to evaluate what is a necessary thing and what is not, " do I really need this ? " is the key question you ask your self before each purchase. Tracking the purchases in a small book or an excel sheet is a good idea as well for future reference.

I have decided to start from tomorrow! Its not the beginning of the month but I don't want to loose my enthusiasm for the idea and I will try to get my friends on board to see how much we can save in one month. And self revelation as well – you know me I cannot help it – a month of learning and appreciating the free things in life that are the most important any way.

Today is the day that I took a bold step and went to see the Mini Cooper dealership, I'm shopping for a new car but it is a necessity, I found that a Toyota Yaris is less than half the price of the Mini Cooper, so if I'm to go with this theme of Need Vs. Want, I'll have to go with the Toyota which is not a bad car, and forget – at least for now- about the JOD 28,000 Mini cooper.

So I will let you know in a month how are things going ...

A home made tag !

Well since I'm back, I feel like creating my first tag ever ! yes you heard me right, I'm creating a tag and putting together the rules for it and I will see how far it will go. But you know me I'm searching your soul and scratching your head kind of a girl, so fasten your seat belts and come along.

I will be answering the tag myself and the rules are easy answer the questions, try to give it a deep thought and give it your own personal twist.

1- If there was a fire at your house and you could save only one thing ( item) what would that be ?

I came across this question in an article and I could not for the life of me think of a one item, the thing that make sense is to save my wallet with all the ID cards, drivers license and bank cards, so forget about facing hell to issue new ID cards and drivers license and passport. I would most likely run to the book shelve and save my treasures, or it would be my gold ankle bracelet that I got from my brother.

2- What is the most embarrassing situation you have been in?

I broke a the plastic part if my heel one day, and it made a hell of noise walking on a solid surface, my office is fully carpeted so it did not make a difference only discomfort walking, but I had a meeting that day and I did not know that the person I was meeting was in an office that is all tiled ! and his office was the last office in the long long long corridor, and I was walking making the noise of the metallic part of the heel against the tile and the other one was a normal heel !! I was mortified!

3- If you can do over a part of your life, what will you change?

I believe that we learn from our mistakes as much or even more than our successes, and that I would not be me if I did not have all the mistakes I have made in the past. I was a person who would make a mistake and then beat my self up over it, loose sleep and really freak out ! then I made a conscience choice to think of the issues I have on hand as deep as I can, to make ( istikhara), take a deep breath and dive in. ever since I know that at the time of the issue I made the best choice I could at the time, so I feel better now even about mistakes or bad choices.

But the things I would like to do over, is finish all the unfinished projects I left, the half read books, get my masters right after graduation, and knock on those doors I never had the nerve to knock on.

I hope you find those questions of value and that the tag is fun to do.

I tag ….. Danah, Ammer ( vegetarian shark ).

Dima ( verbal alchemy) Qwaider, Mala2e6. and any one else who would like to do it : )

Back from the Dead

So my last post was about three weeks ago ! I cannot believe it has been that long since I last posted, or commented on other people's posts for that matter, I would read a few posts a day, but did not comment as much as I used to.

All this is due to being very busy at work, working for 10 to 12 hours a day, does not leave much energy for anything else, the thought of typing a post or a comment seemed to demand time and energy I did not posses, and after leaving the office when its already dark, I just was looking forward to a warm meal, a hot shower and my bed.

I did not loose the blogger syndrome, which in layman's terms its the " I'm going to blog about this" syndrome. But still I did not get around writing any of them down, and in my draft file I have at least five posts that need revision so they can be safe for human use.

In Short, I just want to say that the rough period is over and I'm back to the land of the living, back to the 9-5 flock, back to the having a weekend and a life for that matter. I will have some real posts soon and watch out I'm coming over to your blogs.

All for now ….

On the day I felt small


This was yesterday I had meeting related to work in Jabala al Naser. I have to admit I don't really know the eastern part of Amman and easily get lost there. So as we drove there from Um Utheina to Jabal Al-Naser I saw the scenery change, from Villas and elegant office buildings to colorless simple houses. I talk about poverty all the time and I know its out there and I'm not a rich person more middle class than any thing. But the view was so overwhelming and sad, but inside I was thinking well I do work to help these people, I do my fair share of my social and religious and humanitarian work.

Then we arrived at the local organization that we were supposed to have the meeting with. In their humble premises that is in coordination with the surroundings, and with complete full time volunteer staff! I mean I volunteer some hours a week and I thought I was on top of the world. Anyways the work they do is remarkable, it's not in the International NGO levels or UN work but remarkable none the less.

So yesterday was a big reality check for me. I saw people living in far worse circumstances than I do, have far less to give and yet they are giving more than I have ever done. I cannot believe that sometimes I see the work I do as a burden that I try to skip or cut corners from time to time.

It was just this Saturday that blew off all my meetings and work for the day, and took off on a picnic! So yesterday was the day I felt small and insignificant.

Decisions .....

What is a decision? It’s a conscience choice to take a certain action; it is a commitment to a choice or to a person or a group of people. This is why I feel that decision making is a process, an important one at that matter we grow so much through this process, good and bad decisions in our lives help us grow and mature and figure out our identity and path.

Why do we make decisions, I love decisions that come naturally and easily but these are so rare, you know the thing you grow slowly into and a change in your life that comes effortlessly, you know you have commitment to this new state of mind, but you did not have to go through the whole deal of thinking and analyzing. Then there are those nasty ones ! the decisions you know you need to make but are so afraid, lazy or reluctant to make, because they may carry responsibility and even worse are not revocable.

At times we are pushed towards a decision, and we go through the process kinking and screaming, well the most effective decision is the one we make, following orders to change a thing or to commit to another is following orders not a conscience decision. At other times people who care about us see things we don't and are trying to convince us that making a decisions is imperative and good for us, this adds pressure to an already difficult task.

How do we go about making a decision, well if it’s a choice between two things or more a pro and con list usually helps, but in cases of a single choice dilemma it's not as easy, but still a pro and con list is a very good idea and sheds light. But the Queen of hearts of all decisions is the moral one, the path of life choice …the pure moral and philosophical ones! The decision is to take roads that are not filled with roses. But you feel things in your heart have reached a saturation level that the status quo is a suicide of the soul and a killer of the creativity and mind.

I feel that I'm on the verge of a decision, I'm pushed in that direction by my mentors. Can you imagine how hard it is that the people you respect the most in your life, tell you have to make that decision. Let alone the fact that the decision is not an easy one by any standard but to think that you have to live up to very high expectations.

This post may be general but at the same time its so personal, but I felt that I was compelled to write since writing helps me think! and I needed to vent some of the steam.

She saw in my coffee cup ...

I see in here that you are very busy at work ….
I see that you are sleep deprived …
I see that you miss blogging ... and reading and commenting on blogs
I see that your dead line is fast approaching and that next week things should be a lot better …
There is hope for you my child … She said

Count your blessings

I know this may sound cheesy, but we all should take a minute to count our blessings. I was on my way to work early this morning around 06:30 and it was very cold and raining really hard. I was in my warm car and I saw people on the way to their work on foot. Or waiting for a bus in the pouring rain and not even dressed right for this kind of weather.

I thought to myself I should really be thankful and grateful, for all the things I have in my life, but I still mange to complain. It's useful to put things in perspective from time to time, so that we can keep our feet on the ground and our heads out of the clouds.

When was the last time you donated clothes you no longer need ( because they are not IN any more), when was the last time you took out a part of your pay or your allowance and gave it to someone who needed it more than you did? When was the last time you took a look at other people in the street.

Women are perverts

Yes you have heard me right! This is the thing that first comes to mind when I see some of the snack commercials out there. Luckily I do not have much time for TV. But when I do get the time and see some of the commercials out there I just flip!

I will just take a few into consideration that have the same theme going on, which is yes again ladies and gentlemen, WOMEN ARE PREVERTS. Hey don't take my word for it check out the following commercials. There are more of the same out there just don't flip the channel today when commercials are on and see for your self.

Jewels chocolate by Galaxy.

Three or four ladies looking at the clock till it strikes mid night, then they run up the roof in their PJs and taking their sheets and comforters with them, for a date with the chocolate, besides it being stupid, did you see how they are eating the chocolate, hey I love chocolate but not in that way !

Well actually this is one of the mild ones. The following are even worse.

Galaxy's new chocolate cakes ( can't remember the name at the moment)

Lady rushes her husband out of the house, then goes to the garden sets up a romantic spot and takes the clip of her hair and then proceeds to eat the chocolate, again notice how she eats it !

Lay's Chips

Lady closes the door, her husband attempts to come in but the door is locked and she does not care since she is eating lay's chips! Again notice the eating.

I can go on and on about these commercials, we love chocolate, we know you want to sell your products but this is just too much, talk about objectifying women!

Please respect our inelegance and don't use this stupid and degrading way to sell us chocolate.

الحجاب بين الدين و المجتمع


I received this the link for this article from a friend, I feel its worth sharing this is why I'm posting it here. I'm including the link as well.

I felt the way this man thinks is a breath of fresh air, he explores , thinks rationally, he gives proof and reason behind his statements, and he does not sound blindly convinced in an idea that he defends mindlessly, which unfortunately is so common these days.

الحجاب بين الدين والمجتمع

لابد أن أبدأ هذا المقال بتأكيد أهمية الحوار بين أبناء الوطن الواحد وإلا سقطنا كلنا في صراع يستنزف قوانا. ومن هنا الإصرار على التغيير والإصلاح الدستوري وإطلاق حرية تأسيس الأحزاب وإلغاء الأحكام العرفية حتى يمكن لكل ألوان الطيف السياسي أن تعبر عن الإرادة الشعبية دون خوف من البطش الأمني ومن خلال حوار ديمقراطي سلمى. ولكن هذه الحرية، شأنها شأن أي شكل آخر من أشكال الحرية، ليست مطلقة، إذ أن أي تيار أو تنظيم سياسي يريد أن يشارك في العملية السياسية الديموقراطية عليه أن يلتزم بقواعد اللعبة، وبتداول السلطة، ولا يحاول أن يجلس على العرش مدى الحياة وكأنه إمبراطور الصين العظيم. ولذا من الضروري أن تُسن القوانين وتوضع الضوابط والآليات التي تضمن التزام الجميع بهذه القواعد.

كما أود أن أؤكد احترامي للسيد الوزير فاروق حسنى، فأنا معجب به عن بعد، فلم ألتق به سوى بضعة لقاءات قليلة قصيرة عابرة في مناسبات رسمية. فأنا أعرف الجهود التي تبذلها وزارته في عملية ترميم الآثار الفرعونية والقبطية والإسلامية وبناء المتاحف وحماية الآثار الفرعونية من السرقة.

بعد كل هذه المقدمات أحب أن أتوجه إلى تصريحات السيد الوزير بخصوص الحجاب، وأنا مثله، ومثل الكثيرين من أبناء جيلي، لا أعرف الكثير عن الرأي الفقهي في مسالة الحجاب. وحين أقول "الرأي الفقهي"، فأنا لا أتحدث عن "احتكار السلطة والتشريع" كما قد يظن البعض. فأنا كمتخصص في النقد الأدبي، أدرك تماماً ضرورة أن يكون الناقد على إلمام بقواعد النقد ولغته وتراثه ونظرياته وآلياته حتى يكون مؤهلاً لأن يقدم رؤية مركبة مستندة إلى قراءة متفحصة للنص الذي يدرسه، وإلا كان نقده عبارة عن انطباعات متناثرة ذاتية. وأزعم أنني متابع جيد للحركة الفنية التشكيلية، ومعجب بأعمال كثير من الفنانين، ولكنني حينما يسألني أحد الصحفيين عن رأيي في هذا الفنان أو ذاك، فإني أنبهه أنني لست متخصصاً، وأن ما أقوله هو رأى انطباعي لأنني غير مؤهل لإصدار حكم نقدي مركب. بعد كل هذه التحفظات أدلى برأيي باعتباري أحد المهتمين الهواة وحسب. وهذه ليست دعوة لاحتكار السلطة النقدية وإنما توضيح لحدود أحكامي التي أصدرها في هذا المجال.

وإذا كان الأمر كذلك بالنسبة للنقد الأدبي والنقد الفني، فلابد وأن نطبق نفس القواعد على أمر في أهمية الشئون الدينية، أليس كذلك؟! لكل هذا سألت أحد أصدقائي عن الرأي الفقهي في قضية الحجاب، وصديقي هذا ليس من رجال الدين ولكنه يعرف هذه الأمور أكثر منى فقال: "الحديث النبوي الأكثر شيوعاً حول شكل الحجاب وحدوده هو حديث النبي (صلى الله عليه وسلم) للسيدة أسماء بنت أبي أبكر الصديق رضي الله عنهما، وهو بالمعنى: إذا بلغت المرأة المحيض، فلا ينبغي أن يرى منها إلا هذا وهذا، وأشار عليه الصلاة والسلام إلى الوجه والكفين. هذه الرواية أو الحديث فيه ضعف من حيث أنه "منقطع"، أي أن الصحابي الذي روى عن السيدة أسماء مجهول.

ثم استطرد صديقي قائلاً: "بيد أن التوصيف العام لما ينبغي أن يُستر من المرأة – في رواية أسماء- متفق بشكل عام مع التوجيهات والأوامر القرآنية حول الموضوع. ومنها الآية التالية: "وقل للمؤمنات يغضضن من أبصارهن ويحفظن فروجهن ولا يبدين زينتهن إلا ما ظهر منها وليضربن بخمرهن على جيوبهن ولا يبدين زينتهن إلا لبعولتهن ... ولا يضربن بأرجلهن ليعلم ما يخفين من زينتهن وتوبوا إلى الله جميعا أيها المؤمنون لعلكم تفلحون" (سورة النور: 31). والجيوب هي الفتحات، فتحات العنق والصدر، والإبطين، والساقين. والخمر جمع خمار هي أغطية الرأس والصدر. ومن الآيات الأخرى آية "وقرن في بيوتكن ولا تبرجن تبرج الجاهلية الأولى ..." (الأحزاب: 33)، وآية "يا أيها النبي قل لأزواجك وبناتك ونساء المؤمنين يدنين عليهن من جلابيبهن ذلك أدنى أن يعرفن فلا يؤذين وكان الله غفورا رحيما" (الأحزاب: 59). والجلابيب، كما نعرف، هي القمصان الطويلة المسدلة إلى القدمين.

وقد استنتج صديقي من كل هذا ما يلي: "هذه الآيات مجتمعة تحدد الإطار العام للستر المنافي لتبرج الجاهلية والمانع للإثارة والاستفزاز الذي يختزل إنسانية المرأة وعقلها وشخصيتها ويلغي دورها الاجتماعي والإنساني إلى مجرد مصدر للاستفزاز الغرائزي". ويجب أن أشير إلى أن هناك من المدافعين عن الحجاب من يرى أنه بالفعل فرض ولكنه جزء من كل، وأنه في إطار فقه الأولويات لا يعد أولوية كبرى، فهناك أولويات إسلامية أخرى مثل إقامة العدل في الأرض والحرب ضد الفساد ومقاومة المستعمر..إلخ. وكما قال فضيلة المرشد العام للإخوان المسلمين: "الجميع يعلم أن الحجاب فريضة إسلامية، ومع هذا فالقضية أخذت أكثر مما تستحق. فمصر تعانى من مشاكل وأزمات أكبر وأخطر ألف مرة من الحجاب مثل الاستبداد والفقر والبطالة والفساد والتدهور الخطير في التعليم والصحة."

وحيث أن الوزير فاروق حسنى ليس من المتفقهين في أمور الدين مثلى، فأنا أصدقه تماماً حين قال إنه لم يكن يصدر حكماً دينياً. إذن، كيف يمكن تصنيف تصريحه أو دردشته (على حد قوله)؟ أعتقد أنني لن أجانب الصواب كثيراً حين أقول إنه كان يصدر حكماً ثقافياً حضارياً، فالتخلف مقولة اجتماعية حضارية، والجاهلية والردة تماماً مثل النهضة والاستنارة هي مصطلحات ذات مضمون ثقافي وحضاري غير ديني فى الخطاب التحليلي المصري المعاصر. ولذا فلنتناول الموضوع من هذا المنظور! إن من يصفون الحجاب بأنه مظهر من مظاهر التخلف يزنون كلماتهم، ووزير الثقافة واحد منهم. وحيث أنه يحاول أن يدفع هذا البلد فى طريق التقدم، فإنه بلا شك يعرف مؤشرات التقدم، ومن ثم يعرف أيضاً مؤشرات التخلف، وقد جعل الحجاب إحداها! ولنحاول أن نحلل خطاب السيد الوزير وكل من يحذو حذوه. إنهم يتحدثون عن حرية التعبير والإبداع، باعتبارهما مطلق لا يأتيه الباطل من بين يديه ولا من خلفه. وهذه صيحة يطلقونها في وجه كل من يتجرأ ويحتج على رأى ما. قد لا يعرف الكثيرون أن إحدى اهتماماتي هو تطور الأزياء، وبالذات أزياء النساء، إذ أحاول رصد تطورها كتعبير عن تطور الرؤية للإنسان فى الغرب. وقد لاحظت أن ملابس النساء تزداد في الغرب انكماشاً يوماً بعد يوم من المينى سكيرت إلى المايكرو إلى البلوزة التى تكشف البطن demi-ventre إلى أن وصلنا إلى ما سماه أحد الصحفيين the well-undressed woman (أي المرأة قليلة الهندام، في مقابل المرأة حسنة الهندام (the well-dressed woman. ) ولعل أحسن ترجمة لهذه العبارة، هو عبارة عادل إمام الشهيرة "لابسة من غير هدوم"). وحين أخبرت أحد مصممي الأزياء عن اعتراضي على الأزياء التي لا علاقة لها بأي دين أو ثقافة أو ذوق، قال إن هذه أعمال فنية، وأن اعتراضي هذا يعد شكلاً من أشكال الرقابة على حرية الفكر والإبداع، هذا المطلق العلماني الجديد. وهنا سألته: أليس من حق المجتمع أن يدافع عن نفسه ضد أي اتجاهات تفكيكية عدمية؟ وقد صُدم صاحبنا من هذا الطرح الذي لم يطرأ له على بال، لأنه لا يدرك (شأنه شأن المثقفين الذين يدافعون عن الحرية المطلقة للإبداع) أنها رؤية بورجوازية تجعل من الفرد مرجعية ذاته (تماماً مثل رأس المال الذي يتحرك في السوق بكامل حريته لا يخضع إلا لقوانين مادية آلية غير إنسانية غير اجتماعية هي قوانين العرض والطلب والربح والخسارة). ولكن المجتمع ليس هو السوق، فالمجتمع كيان مركب متماسك يتسم بقدر من الوعي، وله أسبقيته على الفرد مهما بلغت درجة إبداع هذا الفرد، فالفرد ينتمي إلى المجتمع وليس المجتمع هو الذي ينتمي إلى الفرد، إلا إذا كان مجتمعاً شمولياً.

إن بعض المثقفين الثوريين انساقوا وراء هذه الدعوة للحرية المطلقة للإبداع والمبدعين، دون أن يدركوا تضميناتها الفلسفية المعادية للإنسان وللمجتمع. عندئذ لزم مصمم الأزياء الصمت، خاصة وأنه كان يعرف أن خمسة من كبار مصممي الأزياء ماتوا منذ عدة أعوام، من مرض الإيدز، وكانوا جميعهم من الشذاذ جنسياً، فسارعت مصانع الأزياء بالتعمية على الخبر حتى لا تتأثر أرباحهم سلباً، أي أنهم أدركوا البعد غير الاجتماعي غير الأخلاقي غير الإنساني لإبداع مصممي الأزياء، باعتباره إبداعاً لا ينتمي إلى المجتمع. وهؤلاء الذين يدافعون عن حرية التعبير والذين جعلوا الفن مطلقاً، سحبوا الإطلاق من الدين وأي قيم مطلقة (أخلاقية كانت أم إنسانية) وجعلوا من الدين شأناً خاصاً، وأمر من أمور الضمير، وتصوروا أن الدين يوجد في قسم خاص في وجدان الإنسان منفصل تماماً عن عالم السياسة وعالم الاقتصاد وعالم الاجتماع الإنساني، (وكأن الضمير الفردي لا علاقة له برقعة الحياة العامة). ولذا حين يتم تناول ظاهرة ما فهي إما أن تكون ظاهرة دينية أو غير دينية، انطلاقاً من تعريف العلمانية أنها فصل الدين عن الدولة (أي الدنيا ومجمل حياة الإنسان). ولكن هذا رؤية سوقية للعالم وللنفس البشرية، فالإنسان كائن مركب، وكذا الفعل الإنساني. فالديني يتداخل مع السياسي والاقتصادي والنفسي. وهنا يمكن أن نطرح السؤال التالى: الفدائي الفلسطيني الذي يذهب ليهاجم مستوطنة فلسطينية: هل يفعل ذلك لأسباب دينية أم أسباب اقتصادية أم أسباب اجتماعية أم نفسية؟ الرد السليم على هذا السؤال أن دوافعه مركبة، فهو حين يقوم بفعله الفدائي فإن ما يحركه هو كل هذه الدوافع مجتمعة.

ويرى هؤلاء الذين يفصلون الدين عن بقية مجالات الحياة أنه لو ظهر في الحياة العامة فإن هذا مظهر من مظاهر التخلف، وفى ذهنهم بطبيعة الحال المشروع العلماني الغربي وما يسمى مشروع النهضة العربي الذي جعل شعاره اللحاق بأوروبا، بحلوها ومرها، وخيرها وشرها، وكأننا ببغاءات عقلها في أذنيها. ومن هنا كان الاقتراح المشئوم الخاص بالاحتفال بالذكرى المئوية الثانية للحملة الفرنسية على مصر وغزو قوات الثورة الفرنسية لمصر المحروسة، باعتبار أن هذا هو بداية التقدم نحو الغرب والاستنارة على طريقة الغرب. لم يدرك هؤلاء أن الحملة الفرنسية على مصر هي بداية الاستعمار الغربي لبلادنا الذي يحاول تحطيم تراثنا وتحويلنا إلى مادة استعمالية يوظفها لصالحه. لقد تناسوا المقاومة النبيلة التي أبداها الشعب المصري لهذا الاستعمار وتناسوا ثورة القاهرة الأولى والثانية التي اندلعت من الأزهر، كما تناسوا الأزهري سليمان الحلبي الذي اغتال كليبر قائد الحملة، وعلماء الأزهر الذين رفضوا التعاون مع الاستعمار. لقد أخرجوا الحملة الفرنسية من سياقها التاريخي والاجتماعي المصري والفرنسي، وحين يفعل أي باحث أو مفكر ذلك يصبح بوسعه فرض أي معنى يشاء على الظاهرة التي يدرسها، ولذا حولوا الحملة الفرنسة إلى مؤشر على التقدم وحولوا المقاومة (بالتالي) إلى مظهر من مظاهر التخلف. (وهذا لا يختلف كثيراً عما يفعله الغرب الآن مع المقاومة حين يسمى المقاومة الفلسطينية "إرهاباً"، ويصنف حزب الله وحماس والجهاد على أنها "منظمات إرهابية"، ولا حول ولا قوة إلا بالله) .

وأعتقد أن أصحاب هذا الخطاب قد فعلوا شيئاً من هذا القبيل، حين جعلوا من الحجاب رمزاً للتخلف. فقد نزعوه من سياقه الاجتماعي والتاريخي والإنساني، واستقوا مؤشرات التقدم والتخلف من النموذج الغربي. وهنا يمكنني أن اسأل هؤلاء: ماهي مؤشرات التقدم بالنسبة لهم؟ السؤال هنا خطابي، فالمؤشرات هنا واضحة وهو أن خلع الحجاب علامة على التقدم والاستنارة، أما ارتداء الحجاب فهو علامة على التخلف والردة والظلمة..إلخ. ولكن هل المسالة بهذه البساطة والسذاجة؟ فلنأخذ على سبيل المثال لا الحصر فتاة متبرجة متحررة ومستنيرة لا ترتدي الحجاب، ترتاد نادى الجزيرة أو أي نادى آخر، وتلعب التنيس بالشورت، وتلبس المايوه، وترتاد قاعات الديسكو، وتجيد التحدث بلغة أعجمية أو لغة عربية معظم مفرداتها إنجليش أو فرنش، تماماً مثل مذيعات قناة LBC ( التي يطلق عليها بعض المصريين قناة "إلبسى" إشارة إلى المذيعات الجميلات اللبنانيات والتي تحاول بعض مذيعاتنا اللحاق بهن وبركب التقدم). مثل هذه الفتاة التي تتمتع بمستويات استهلاكية عالية ولا تعرف شيئاً عن مصر الحقيقية، مصر الفقراء والكادحين والمتعبين، ولا تشترك بطبيعة الحال في أي حركة سياسية، هي أكثر تقدماً من فتاة محجبة تعيش في مصر الحقيقية بين أهلها وتعرف همومهم، ولا تتمتع بمعدلات الاستهلاك الشيطانية التي أمسكت بتلابيب المجتمع المصري والتي ستقضى على كل محاولات التنمية؟ وغالبية المحجبات يشاركن في العمل العام، السياسي والمدني. ألم يلاحظ المتحدثون عن الحجاب باعتباره علامة التخلف الوجود الملحوظ للمحجبات في المظاهرات؟ ألم يشاهدوا الصورة التاريخية لبعض المحجبات وهن يصعدن على السلم الخشبي للوصول إلى لجنة الانتخابات وصندوق الاقتراع، بعد أن تصدى لهن رجال الأمن الحكومي؟ ألم يسمعوا عن تلك المحجبات اللائي اضطررن لخلع الحجاب حتى يمكنهن الوصول لصندوق الاقتراع؟ حينما أذهب إلى دمنهور (المدينة التي نشأت فيها) أرى المجتمع المدني هناك في غاية الحيوية والنشاط، وكثير من القائمين على بعض جمعياته (غير الرسمية وغير المعلنة) فتيات محجبات. أعرف إحدى هذه الجمعيات وتخصصها هو توفير أجهزة غسيل الكلى لمرض الفشل الكلوي. وتقوم تلك الفتيات المحجبات بجمع الأموال من القادرين، بل ومن بعض الأقارب المقيمين في الولايات المتحدة لتمويل مشروعهم الخيري. بالله عليكم، من هو أكثر تقدما، فتاة نادى الجزيرة المتحررة وأمثالها أم هؤلاء المحجبات؟

يجب أن يُنظر إلى الحجاب في سياق اجتماعي وتاريخي، وإذا كان الديني يختلط بالسياسي بالاقتصادي بالاجتماعي بالتاريخي كما أسلفت، فيجب أن ننظر للحجاب بهذه الطريقة. فمن ناحية يرى الكثيرون أنه فرض ديني، ولكن يجب ألا ننسى أنه أصبح أيضاً عرفاً اجتماعياً. ويرى علماء الاجتماع أن كل مجتمع له dress code شفرة أو لغة الملابس الخاصة به، وهى لغة، شأن أي لغة، أمر اجتماعي، فالمجتمع هو الذي يحددها وليس الأفراد. وينضوي تحت هذا ما يُكشف وما لا يُكشف من جسد الرجل أو جسد المرأة، وما يُلبس وما لا يُلبس في كل مناسبة. هل كانت إحدى الفتيات تتجرأ على لبس بلوزة تكشف عن بطنها منذ عامين في الشرق أو الغرب، والآن هل يجرؤ أحد أن يعترض على هذا الزى؟! ولذا فإن شكوى البعض من أنهن يضطررن إلى ارتداء الحجاب بسبب الضغوط "الدينية" عليهن، قد يكن على حق، وإن كن عليهن أن يدركن أن هذه الضغوط قد تكون دينية في الأصل، ولكنها تحولت إلى عرف اجتماعي ومن ثم أصبحت الضغوط اجتماعية. هل تجرؤ سيدة أن تذهب إلى مأتم مرتدية فستاناً أحمراً بهيجاً، أو أن تذهب إلى عرس ترتدي فستاناً أسوداً حزيناً؟ والحجاب إلى جانب كل هذا تعبير عن التمسك بالهوية أعرف بعض الصديقات العلمانيات اللائي تحجبن تمسكا بالهوية، وهو ما حدث أيضاً في إيران أثناء الثورة الإسلامية ضد شاه إيران)، وهو كذلك تعبير عن مقاومة الاستعمار الأجنبي. وهناك كذلك الجانب الاقتصادي، فالحجاب دون شك تعبير عن رفض النموذج الاستهلاكي (نموذج الموضات وضرورة تبنى الجديد ونبذ القديم، بناء على أوامر القرد الأعظم فى باريس أو لندن أو إيطاليا).

حينما عدنا أنا وزوجتي من الولايات المتحدة عام 1979، كان الانفتاح قد اكتسح مصر المحروسة، وكان راتبنا الشهري لا يتجاوز 180 جنيه مصري. وحين ذهبت زوجتي لشراء حقيبة وحذاء، وجدت أن مجموع ثمنهما هو 150 جنيه بالتمام والكمال (هذا أيام الرخص)، فعادت وقالت إن الفتيات في مصر أمامهن حل واحد من حَلَين لا ثالث لهما لمواجهة هذا التضخم: إما الحل التايلاندى (أى أن يبعن أنفسهن كما حدث في تايلاند) أو الحل الإسلامي، أي ارتداء الحجاب، وتنبأت بأن الأرجح هو انتشار الحجاب. وهى بذلك اكتشفت البعد الاقتصادي في ظاهرة الحجاب، ولكنها لم تردها إليه، فهو بعد واحد ضمن أبعاد أخرى، لأنه لو كان البعد الاقتصادي هو البعد الوحيد الحاكم، فإن الحل التايلاندي أضمن وعائده أسرع. ولكنهن اخترن الحل الإسلامي لأن الإسلام هو الإطار المرجعي لجماهير هذا المجتمع (هو عقيدة بالنسبة للمسلمين وحضارة بالنسبة للمسلمين وغير المسلمين) وهو الذي حماها من الاختراق الاستعماري والاستهلاكي. إن اختزال الحجاب في البعد الديني، ثم عزل البعد الديني عن الأبعاد الاجتماعية والإنسانية الأخرى، فيه دليل على القصور التحليلي لمن حولوه إلى مؤشر على التخلف.

حينما كنت صبيا في دمنهور، ذهبت في رحلة مدرسية إلى القاهرة، وبهرت بلافتات النيون، فقررت أن أجعل من عدد لافتات النيون مؤشرا على التقدم. وكنت أقوم بإحصائها في دمنهور كل شهر، لأنني تصورت أنه كلما ازداد عدد لافتات النيون فيها، كلما ازدادت تقدماً واقتراباً من نموذج القاهرة المضيئة، (أي أوروبا). ولكنني نضجت واكتشفت اختزالية مؤشري الصبياني المضحك. جاء في العهد الجديد (رسالة بولص الأولى للكورنثيين) ما معناه "حينما كنت طفلا، كنت أتحدث كالأطفال وأفكر كالأطفال، ولكنني بعد أن أصبحت رجلاً، تركت خلف ظهري الأشياء الطفولية". فلماذا بالله يا إخوتي لا ننضج وننفض عن أنفسنا المؤشرات الاختزالية، وننظر لواقعنا بعيون لا تغشيها غشاوات أجنبية تعمينا عن رؤية الحقيقة الثرية المركبة بكل أبعادها المادية وغير المادية المتداخلة. والله أعلم.

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د.عبد الوهاب المسيري

مفكر مصري

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