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Thursday, May 07, 2009



First let me start by saying this is my personal view. I don't claim that I know better than anyone, but I assume many of you will agree with me. I feel that people mistreat advice! Honest and wise advice is one of the greatest gifts you can receive. How many times did we stand on a cross road and did not know were to go, would it not have been amazing to get a good piece of advise?

Unfortunately people either don't give advice or they throw it at unsuspecting bystanders. What is the distinction between advise and interference. A rule of thumb is a person needs to ask for the advise, or really need to be close to that person to give it without them asking for it.

I had complete strangers share their parenting experience with me, I did not appreciate a complete stranger telling me that I'm wrong to take my baby out of the house or that she needs another layer of clothing. Again taking the advise is up to the person receiving it. You don't buy a frame for someone as a gift and say: "hang it in this room on this particular wall now!" you give the present that you took the time to pick for them, but they decide when and if they are going to use it.

Another issue with advice is that a lot of people just don't have the generosity of heart to give real advise, they just give a generic idea that is not useful to anyone and at times hurtful. I had people tell me while I'm pregnant, sleep and rest as much as you can because as soon as the baby is born you will not sleep again! After delivery I did not sleep much I was exhausted my hormones were out of control, and their honest little piece of advice made me feel my life is over. And there is no light at the end of the tunnel! I now make sure to tell moms to be, you will be very tired, you will have lack of sleep, but hang in there in a month every thing will be better. That way I hope that the light at the end of the tunnel will make someone have hope and enjoy their motherhood more.

Please people think before you give someone advise, and remember what you tell people is to help that person, not to portray your self as an angel, martyr or a guru! And most importantly be honest to your self first and then to the person who has trusted you enough to ask for your opinion.


hamede said...

Good post.

Sam said...

yeh unsolisited advice sucks....with my third baby i had someone tell me that i am holding my baby wrong...u have to take advice with a grain of salt..

Tamara said...


Thanks : )


O really I thought this was for first timers : ( but the thing is people throw advice on any subject

sheeshany said...

Allow me to say it in plain Arabic: الناس بيتفلسفوا لمجرّد الفلسفة
معظمهم هيك
They wanna appear like Mr/Ms. know it all, why! well, bkz they are sick and mentally ill :) "u may quote me on that"
But seriously, why is this trend? giving away free advises just for the sake of it, no benefit is generated nor it can do any good.
Silence IS gold for certain for the majority of people.