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Monday, June 18, 2007

On Being the change you don't want to be

I have seen all my life ladies getting engaged and then turning their back on their friends, she used to spend all her free time with them and after engagement she hardly ever sees any one of the old gang, then she gets married and she totally turns into another person, she would be sitting there but she is not the same person any more!

Now that I have crossed over to the other side, I see things a bit differently, I actually told my friends that as soon as you see me change into something that I'm not tell me and slap me back to my senses. Alas things are never that simple, you go through a major change in your life and its not easy at all, there is this special person that you would like to spend every minute of the day with, but there are other people in the equation, a whole new family " in law" there are the parties you have to plan, there are the phone calls to congratulate, then comes the wedding plans, the furniture and the house and a lot of other things! Take all that and add it to your already hectic life, someone still has to do you job which chances are, is still YOU.

At this point of being very busy and your emotions are all over the place, someone comes and says you don't call me as much as you did before, you are changed! This did not happen to me, my friends are being so supportive, which is the way things have to be. They are great friends and I'm so lucky to have their support. So friends be the source of support and relief to your bride friend and don't be an extra burden.

PS: if I post more than three engagement \ wedding posts in a raw slap me please !!


Mais said...

LOL..mabrook again...and i think all what u mentioned is normal bas fi nas bt2ader w nas bte3tab

some friends (specially single ones) don’t realize all what’s their engaged friend is going through, they think she changed while she only got more responsibilities, families obligations and the order of her priorities changed :)

when i got engaged i tried to keep this balance between my fiancé and friends...and i tired to get my friends involved with the preparations and all...and el 7amdellah they were understanding and very supportive...bas the guy used to get jealous...thinking i should spend ALL my time with him :)

Tamara said...

The good thing about my friends even the single ones understand, but there is always the exception !

with all the ups and dawns it still great ride : )

Ammar said...

Ya Captain Tamara what you're describing there is very normal..and I agree with oriental here..single people don't really think about the extra baggage..however happily carried by their engaged/married friend.

I'm not an everything, but since I'm a single guy with a couple of married/engaged friends, I'd imagine that if I were in their shoes..I would probably rather vacuum clean the world with one huge vacuum cleaner..and sit alone with my fience/wife to watch the sunset.

but since that's a bit engaged/married would try to accomodate ppl, just as they should accomodate you..and at the end of the day..Tell me who your friends are..I'll tell you who you are! They'd give you the space if they're genuine.

and life goes on... said...

hahaha.. I wouldn't mind you blogging such posts ;) I enjoy it :$
After getting engaged the responsibilities become bigger, it wouldn't only stay (you and him), it will involve family members too... there are many obligations and you have to create time for everyone including him! And it's extremely hard to manage between this all.. friends should be the most understanding! I always understand when my married friend doesn't have time to call me, or to visit me, or to check up on me.. she has her work, her husband, house and both their families.. it's not an easy thing to do and people who care would definitely understand!

Unknown said...

What you are going through now is normal, and it's gonna make you realize that real friends are rare...Only those who understand and support are the ones you'll always find beside you no matter what you go through:)
It's good to hear your friends are being supportive! You must be really proud of them:)
Good luck Tamara!!

Tamara said...


The thing is luckily my friends are great, but I was feeling guilty until I figured out I can't be with 10 people at the same time, and I'm doing my best so perfectionist Tamara went back to bay.


Well since this is kind of new to me and I love analyzing human nature and feelings, this is a summer fest for me : ) but I don't want to bore people !


I am proud of my friends they are great ! they actually have to calm me down because I was the one freaking out because I could not give them as much time as I wanted, among other things

Anonymous said...

loooooooooool no we will not slap u :-) actually i like the new feelings and meanings in ur posts :)

this is really a good one and a very true one! and this is life i guess!

We have to be so strong and to be able to handle the load in order to stay as we are !

its really hard.

Tamara said...


I'm glad you like the new posts, I'm just afraid I will over do it ; p