Priorties

Priorities

The other day Qwaider talked about priorities between work and family. I wanted to post a comment there but did not work out, besides I have a lot to say on the matter so a separate post makes sense.

At a point in your life saying work is my number one priority is very easy to say. At other times saying my family comes first is very easy too. But I guess there is always the in-between times.

Before I was engaged and then married, the answer was easy work in my priority. I worked late, weekends and had a lot of work related dinners and trips. This was only natural and I did not ever think about it, I would orchestrate my life around work, what is left is divided between family, friends and volunteer work (which I considered as part of work any way)

Then I got engaged and I came head to head with needing to make a choice. My fiancé wanted to see me as much as possible, but I have a demanding job, which meant I needed to make a decision if I will work late or just leave on time, so I can spend some time with my fiancé. Later on I got married and things became more challenging. I needed to be home after hours directly since my working hours are not that short to start with. And beside missing my husband, I had a home to keep, we had people visiting to congratulate us, and other family responsibilities.

At that point I had to decide that my husband and our life together is more important than my work, and that I have to settle for giving 100% but not 150%, that yes at times I might need to skip a dinner or taking staff on tourist trips. That I will need to turn off my phone and not take business calls at all hours of day and night.

Now this might sound so normal to some people, but this is not that easy. You are used to a way of life and a way of work, changing it (even if means less work) is not that easy. And as your whole life changes you will hold the one stable thing in your life –you job- as you are holding to dear life. This does not mean in any way you don't love all changes in your life, but no matter how great they are, they are still changes that you need to adapt to.

Mothers may face the same thing, all of a sudden they have this bundle of joy that they love, but at the same time all the responsibilities associated with it, staring to feel like they are dissolving in this new role, thus holding on to the familiar even though it might be energy consuming. This might not even be the case, but this is how I see it.

Manholia

Manholia


I was walking yesterday with hubby in down town Amman. We always have great fun there, this time more than ever I noticed my fear of stepping on manholes! Strange I knew that but there is no place in town like down town with the number on manholes! It sounds silly but I innately avoid stepping on manholes. I remember as a kid we heard a lot of stories of kids falling in a manhole and I guess it got stuck with me. Come think of it parents most likely made these stories up.

Thinking of the post I made a search about manholes and fear off, not to my surprise I found an article mentioning the fear of manholes, they even gave it a name MANHOLIA.

It’s a silly thing. It's not like I cannot make myself step on one. It's just that without thinking I avoid stepping on them.

Selfish is good

Selfish is good

My best friend, nay my soul sister has given me some pearls of wisdom yesterday. I called her up complaining about something and after a long talk from my side and her just listening to the end, she talked me through the problem and the jest of what she told me is be selfish.

Well at first this may sound like something very negative, on the contrary this is very positive, it means take care of your own needs first then the rest of the world. When you are well yourself you will be more helpful to others. Now I know this very well and I may have even mentioned it sometime before, but I guess I needed to hear it from someone else.

I have this tendency to need to help every one around me, not being able to help them or change someone's mood (for which I have a natural talent) makes me feel like a looser. This is one aspect I need to work on, at times it comes easy and I do put myself first, but I guess there is some kind of vanity in me that refuses to believe that there is something I attempt to do and fail! It’s a bit complex, I guess some of it is wanting to help others, but a part is that I refuse to believe that there are things even I cannot change.

So in some cases selfish is good !

Tamara in the kitchen

Tamara in the kitchen

Yesterday was yes the election day ( AKA holiday), but also known as my first day to cook in my new home. My mother in law is so sweet and is keeping us in a prolonged honey moon and thus she still cooks for us.

So yesterday since I was at home I decided I will cook for every one. The dish of the day was ' Kabseh" I know how to cook a great kabseh, but this is not a cooking post it’s a Tamara cooking post.

As you will notice at first I had time to take photos of the steps of cooking, but as time went by and my rusty skills stood in the way, I forgot to take at least one photo of the end Product! Cooking something that takes a lot of preparation time, Calls for special kitchen time management, and business planning skills that in my case have become so rusty.

Well at least the end product was yummy !every one enjoyed it and I passed the cooking test with flying colors, did not pass my blogging about cooking test though, but I'm sure there are many other occasions to come.

Happy elections\ cooking day!

Words my friends

Words my friends

Words are live entities that I mold to vessel my ideas and beliefs, yet I pose not knowing what to say and where to start, which amazes me even more since I was never in loss for words, words actually are my friends and its common knowledge I can talk myself out of a death sentence.

I insist to be able to chisel a few words that people can understand and tell them all about how I feel … now I understand it’s the feelings part that is the problem, I can shape my ideas into words soft and powerful but my feelings when so powerful and overwhelming seem to be a challenge.

All my life I felt that my words give life to my ideas, now I see that my words may imprison and mutilate my feelings, yet again I'm persistent to say my peace. Intro or no intro I still feel helpless …wordless when I want to breath out all my feelings….with you life has a new taste …color and new feelings have been born that my old tools stand helpless to shape.

How can words describe the feeling I have, when I open my eyes to see that what woke me up was your gentle look, as you lay there looking at me waiting for me to wake up….how can they my friends give a visible entity to the feelings I get when you softly kiss my hand just because I preparing you dinner… or when I feel protected by you…loved by you.

Sitting here in surrender I say ….words may age old friends you are not as powerful as I thought you to be.

October

October

Today I got the urge to read my old posts, it was really refreshing to be honest I enjoyed some as if I read them for the first time. So I thought let me go back to October last year to see what was going on at the time in my life, just to find out I had only one post that month ! telling people that I'm back to the country, ironically enough the only post I have for this month is talking a little but about my short trip to Beirut.

It is just a coincidence I know, but I find it so strange that with all the changes in my life and still October looks a lot like October last year, posting wise at least.

Well under public demand here are a few more Lebanon photos.

When Two worlds collide

When two worlds collide

Okay that is it I am totally and utterly sleep deprived! Work has become so hectic and boring that its not even funny.

I miss blogging and I hate the kind of ramble posts that are not abut something in specific. But things have been going on so crazy and fast that I don't have a moment to think of a post, or when I have some idea I don't have the time to put it in writing.

The 15th was my two month wedding anniversary, and I was talking to hubby that sometimes I feel we have been married for a life time, and in other moments it still seems like yesterday. Time has taken a strange turn recently that I still cannot comprehend.

Every one knows I'm crazy and compulsive so is my hubby, but what we both did not expect is that we are going to join forces on this one, so Thursday morning we decide that we should after all attend a friend's wedding, this would sound normal, had it not been in Tripoli in Lebanon.

So I take off of work a couple of hours earlier, pack our bag and we are off to Lebanon for a long weekend to attend a friend's wedding Friday night. We had loads of fun and it was great since we stayed in Amman for the Eid. But as you can see this ads to the fact that my life is getting crazier by the minute.

PS: this post has been written in two intervals, believe it or not ! and this is one of my favorite photos that I took in Lebanon.

Help us help them !

At this moment I should be actually drafting a contract! But I don't really feel like it, besides all this technical writing is killing any kind of writing urges I have. So I thought I should break the monotony and write a post. Does not have to be a literature piece just something not related to work.

It feels kind of mandatory to write a post about Ramadan, every one writes one, don't they? The most exciting part of Ramadan for me is the work we do at " life makers" for the Ramadan food packages, we packed the worth of forty thousand JOD last Ramadan, and we have been hoping we will be able to top that this year.

This means that last year we helped 3500 families feel less deprived during the holly month or Ramadan. The package cost is about JOD12 and its somewhat less than a restaurant bill we pay for an Iftar out with friends, yet this small amount will help a poor family get 15 kg worth of essential goods delivered to their door step.

Well as we say help us help them !

For donations you can call these number ( not mine ; p) : 0777840 820\ 079 5351921 ) or donate directly by depositing to our bank account : Islamic International Bank \ Gardens branch. Account number : 12701

Or you can join our volunteers for packaging and distribution of the food packages, for that as well you can contact the numbers above, if you cannot help you can spread the word.

My ten cents worth

I was asked by my friends to tell them what I thought about married life. The thing that I thought I had to say of value in that subject was: "You will be the same person you have been all along" now this may sound obvious and down right stupid! but I argue its not as obvious, every one feels that their life will change after the big day.

Let me be the one to tell you, your life will change but you will be the same, you will not wake up one day and be the person you have envisioned yourself to be. If you are not happy before you get married chances are you will not be after, if you are board or depressed you will so soon after marriage, if not worse off since you will add to what ever you have, to the disappointment of married life not being all you have whished it will be.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing more beautiful than starting a family and being in love with the person you are married to. But first you have to take care of you and be happy then move on to starting a family. Don't go into a marriage with any kind of baggage it will be heavier than if you were single.

Smell tag ...

During the time of my engagement you had the first raw seat, to me enjoying my "life long hobby" of analyzing emotions and human nature, and now ladies and gentlemen please do join me, and read more about married life! I guess this is a blogging phase I have to go through as well.

Fortunately Dima provided me with a creative way, for me to be my old self : ) the rules are simple, I have to mention at least five of my favorite smells, mention the person who tagged me, and tag three other people.

Freshly washed clothes: I love the smell of freshly washed clothes while they are still wet and after they dry as well in addition to freshly washed sheets and towels. for me to enjoy that smell up until now all I had to do is put the clothes that don't smell freshly washed in the bathroom hamper and a couple of days later they magically appear in my wardrobe, now days I have to wash them first ! Hang them to dry! Iron them and then enjoy the smell…..o but first I had to learn how to use the washing machine, avoid the fire that almost happened from melting connection wires. One more thing now I know what my mom used to complain about when I just put the things I wore once or twice in the hamper because I wanted them to be FRESH !!

The smell of my hubby : I believe that every person has their own distinctive smell, and I don't mean their perfume, though a persons perfume does connect to them, but their own personal smell again I don't mean by smell, the result of a couple of days of not showering ! or what you smell like after gym !

Coconut oil: I guess its because its linked to the smell of the beach and pool, and yummy stuff ! I love it ( did you notice how many people mentioned coconut oil in their posts ! strange)

Baby smell: after they have a bath, there is nothing in the world that is softer; it makes me feel all fuzzy inside

Coffee: the smell of coffee in the morning is like an invitation to a fresh new morning.

I was telling hubby how instantly I loved some folk songs the moment I have heard them, and told my mom how strange that was, she simply said " its not strange ! these are the songs you dad used to sing to you as a child " smells are like songs or maybe even stronger in holding memories. There are even some perfumes that even though I love I cannot use, because they are the smell of someone else ! it just does not work.

I'm Back


Happy and back from the sandy beaches
Fresh tanned and ready to face the screen again
With a list that is longer than my arm but ready to take on the task
I'm getting back slowly to every day life… its different but still the same
I guess I'm different but still the same ...

Gloating

Its not official yet ! but I cannot help myself , I work for an international NGO " Non-governmental Organization" and I was their country Rep. so far, not bad for my years, so the office grew rapidly this last few months, and I just heard a rumor from two senior management people that I will be the Country DIRECTOR for Jordan soon !! I'm jumping up and down, I made country director before the age of thirty do you know how rare is that ? well not very actually, but VERY rare for a Hijabi local female staff !!

I will do more gloating about how amazing I am and how being workaholic pays off, when its official : )

Bridezella

My wedding is in 8 days !! do you know what does that mean ?! things are so hectic to the point I'm not sure what hectic is any more, My assistant at work is on vacation and I have to be in the office till the end of the week, which is a few days before my wedding. I have my volunteer work that I do need to do at least a few things a week, actually both me and my fiancé are still volunteering in at least 90% mode. We are starting a Training and HR development company, and we are having our first trainings a couple of weeks after the wedding date, so we are working hard on having every thing ready before the wedding.

Add to that Hinna party for the ladies, house final touches, my shopping, and dress appointments. I tell you I did not know what the hell did hectic mean until now. I know you people got fed up with all the lady bloggers who are getting married writing about hectic last days, but I could not help venting out !!

I am extremely happy al7amd LILAH ! my wedding is going to be a simple dinner party in a nice restaurant out of Amman, as I have wanted always, the great thing is that despite all skeptical people I found a person who agrees with me on this : )

I will let you know more details when I have the time to post.

Living in an air-conditioned world

Driving in my air-conditioned car from my air-conditioned supermarket back to my air-conditioned office, but the truth is I did not realize that I live in an air-conditioned world until I saw an old man digging through the trash can in the blazing heat !

A tear dropped from my eye, but do I really know what blazing heat is? Do I know what hungry is ? do we who are living in air-conditioned worlds know what is going on behind the glass ?

Insight

Strange how someone who has never met you before, spells out what you are feeling in such eloquence that you are left speechless, heart torn and lost in their words. You turn on the radio in your car or hear a song on TV and you cannot but be stunned, how someone lifetimes away has simply taken all your feelings, and put them in words you could not have found yourself.

A simple look in someone's eyes can tell you what a particular song has done to them, strange how some sad songs remind us of happy times and how some very cheerful songs would bring a tear to some stranger's eyes, it may make sense to them but what is amazing is how fragile we are, how some words could bring out wounds we thought we have buried a long time ago.

They bring out hidden things, dreams yet not realized, fears yet not materialized, memories both happy and sad, even open a wound that you thought has healed. Strange what a group of words can do to the all mighty humans

Drowning

The morning rays are slowly creeping in through the drapes, as she lays there still half awake. Millions of lazy thoughts trickle through her head, millions of overwhelming emotions drown her soul. She feels like she did not sleep for months now, it’s a constant limbo of painful existence.

Who could have believed that question marks could be this painful, she did not know that unexplained selfish acts could be so profoundly effective. Haunting her during the day and creeping in bed with her making it simply impossible to drift into blissfulness. And since they have been creeping into her dreams as well she is getting no rest.

She drags her tired body out of bed and gets ready for yet another day or is it still the same day? She does not know nor does she have the energy to care, naturally she puts on the happy face at the door and walks out to face the crowds.

Parallel worlds

Its only recently that I have discovered that I'm easily entertained, walking on the thin sidewalk a foot at a time is a lot of fun. Jumping over larger stones is an adventure, finding a store that is named "3alan" and not finding one next to it named "Fulan" made me laugh out load.

Try to see the beauty and the humor in the small things, its very refreshing to see another layer of the universe that you live in, instead of the grumpy faces of the crowd try to look at the colorful patterns of their clothes, look into the yes of children riding in the car beside you instead of paying attention to the traffic jam you are in.

There is a lot of beauty around us, we just don't take the time of day to notice, next time you walk outside try to look for funny stuff or beautiful things, and I guaranty you that you will find plenty if you look sincerely enough.

I wish all of you a good hunt !

Doors

The more doors you open the more you know. The more doors you walk through the more certain you are that there are a lot more doors to follow. But opening the door is not enough you have to walk through it and move ahead.

Knocking on doors or just cracking a small opening in them does not count as opening the door, you have to move in full blast! which by the way does not mean you have to do so blindly, on the contrary you need to chose the doors wisely. Which bring us to how valuable it will be to hear the advice of someone behind the door, not the speculations from the person standing beside, who is equally ignorant of what is behind it as you.

Would you describe honestly and truly what is around you to some one who still did not open the door yet? I don't want to be too symbolic but I just remembered the Chinese proverb that says "Teachers open the door but you have to enter by yourself" looking at things in this way I feel so humbled to my teachers and guiders, they don't have to be school teachers it could be anyone who have taught you something. I feel grateful that I have been spared a lot of bad doors.

Home ....

The day I have returned to Amman I got a text message from a friend saying "welcome back home" which naturally got me to think on the concept of home. I don't think two sane people will disagree that a house is not a home per se.

Do we have to have one home? is home where you hang your hat ? or where you heart is? For me home is where you feel safe, where love is, the place you feel most comfortable in. A physical manifestation of you and your life, and thus it has your characteristics and contains your interests, and most importantly your loved one(s). Then you can call that physical manifestation home.

Adopting this definition home, could be a small apartment or a villa in the south of France. Taking it even further to some people it's their office, or parents house "even if they have their own". Would I be wrong if I claim that home maybe in the arms of your loved one, home can be their eyes

Are you home?

Reporting From ...

Since I have been awy for a while out of the country, and i don't have the time to write a real post so this is a Pop question kind of a post, can you guess from the picture where i am in the world ?

Who ever guesses will... well no promisses : )