I'm Back


Happy and back from the sandy beaches
Fresh tanned and ready to face the screen again
With a list that is longer than my arm but ready to take on the task
I'm getting back slowly to every day life… its different but still the same
I guess I'm different but still the same ...

Gloating

Its not official yet ! but I cannot help myself , I work for an international NGO " Non-governmental Organization" and I was their country Rep. so far, not bad for my years, so the office grew rapidly this last few months, and I just heard a rumor from two senior management people that I will be the Country DIRECTOR for Jordan soon !! I'm jumping up and down, I made country director before the age of thirty do you know how rare is that ? well not very actually, but VERY rare for a Hijabi local female staff !!

I will do more gloating about how amazing I am and how being workaholic pays off, when its official : )

Bridezella

My wedding is in 8 days !! do you know what does that mean ?! things are so hectic to the point I'm not sure what hectic is any more, My assistant at work is on vacation and I have to be in the office till the end of the week, which is a few days before my wedding. I have my volunteer work that I do need to do at least a few things a week, actually both me and my fiancé are still volunteering in at least 90% mode. We are starting a Training and HR development company, and we are having our first trainings a couple of weeks after the wedding date, so we are working hard on having every thing ready before the wedding.

Add to that Hinna party for the ladies, house final touches, my shopping, and dress appointments. I tell you I did not know what the hell did hectic mean until now. I know you people got fed up with all the lady bloggers who are getting married writing about hectic last days, but I could not help venting out !!

I am extremely happy al7amd LILAH ! my wedding is going to be a simple dinner party in a nice restaurant out of Amman, as I have wanted always, the great thing is that despite all skeptical people I found a person who agrees with me on this : )

I will let you know more details when I have the time to post.

Living in an air-conditioned world

Driving in my air-conditioned car from my air-conditioned supermarket back to my air-conditioned office, but the truth is I did not realize that I live in an air-conditioned world until I saw an old man digging through the trash can in the blazing heat !

A tear dropped from my eye, but do I really know what blazing heat is? Do I know what hungry is ? do we who are living in air-conditioned worlds know what is going on behind the glass ?

Insight

Strange how someone who has never met you before, spells out what you are feeling in such eloquence that you are left speechless, heart torn and lost in their words. You turn on the radio in your car or hear a song on TV and you cannot but be stunned, how someone lifetimes away has simply taken all your feelings, and put them in words you could not have found yourself.

A simple look in someone's eyes can tell you what a particular song has done to them, strange how some sad songs remind us of happy times and how some very cheerful songs would bring a tear to some stranger's eyes, it may make sense to them but what is amazing is how fragile we are, how some words could bring out wounds we thought we have buried a long time ago.

They bring out hidden things, dreams yet not realized, fears yet not materialized, memories both happy and sad, even open a wound that you thought has healed. Strange what a group of words can do to the all mighty humans

Drowning

The morning rays are slowly creeping in through the drapes, as she lays there still half awake. Millions of lazy thoughts trickle through her head, millions of overwhelming emotions drown her soul. She feels like she did not sleep for months now, it’s a constant limbo of painful existence.

Who could have believed that question marks could be this painful, she did not know that unexplained selfish acts could be so profoundly effective. Haunting her during the day and creeping in bed with her making it simply impossible to drift into blissfulness. And since they have been creeping into her dreams as well she is getting no rest.

She drags her tired body out of bed and gets ready for yet another day or is it still the same day? She does not know nor does she have the energy to care, naturally she puts on the happy face at the door and walks out to face the crowds.

Parallel worlds

Its only recently that I have discovered that I'm easily entertained, walking on the thin sidewalk a foot at a time is a lot of fun. Jumping over larger stones is an adventure, finding a store that is named "3alan" and not finding one next to it named "Fulan" made me laugh out load.

Try to see the beauty and the humor in the small things, its very refreshing to see another layer of the universe that you live in, instead of the grumpy faces of the crowd try to look at the colorful patterns of their clothes, look into the yes of children riding in the car beside you instead of paying attention to the traffic jam you are in.

There is a lot of beauty around us, we just don't take the time of day to notice, next time you walk outside try to look for funny stuff or beautiful things, and I guaranty you that you will find plenty if you look sincerely enough.

I wish all of you a good hunt !

Doors

The more doors you open the more you know. The more doors you walk through the more certain you are that there are a lot more doors to follow. But opening the door is not enough you have to walk through it and move ahead.

Knocking on doors or just cracking a small opening in them does not count as opening the door, you have to move in full blast! which by the way does not mean you have to do so blindly, on the contrary you need to chose the doors wisely. Which bring us to how valuable it will be to hear the advice of someone behind the door, not the speculations from the person standing beside, who is equally ignorant of what is behind it as you.

Would you describe honestly and truly what is around you to some one who still did not open the door yet? I don't want to be too symbolic but I just remembered the Chinese proverb that says "Teachers open the door but you have to enter by yourself" looking at things in this way I feel so humbled to my teachers and guiders, they don't have to be school teachers it could be anyone who have taught you something. I feel grateful that I have been spared a lot of bad doors.

Home ....

The day I have returned to Amman I got a text message from a friend saying "welcome back home" which naturally got me to think on the concept of home. I don't think two sane people will disagree that a house is not a home per se.

Do we have to have one home? is home where you hang your hat ? or where you heart is? For me home is where you feel safe, where love is, the place you feel most comfortable in. A physical manifestation of you and your life, and thus it has your characteristics and contains your interests, and most importantly your loved one(s). Then you can call that physical manifestation home.

Adopting this definition home, could be a small apartment or a villa in the south of France. Taking it even further to some people it's their office, or parents house "even if they have their own". Would I be wrong if I claim that home maybe in the arms of your loved one, home can be their eyes

Are you home?

Reporting From ...

Since I have been awy for a while out of the country, and i don't have the time to write a real post so this is a Pop question kind of a post, can you guess from the picture where i am in the world ?

Who ever guesses will... well no promisses : )

Think !!

If one thing Amman is a city that is accustomed to detours, why didn't any one think of having detours planned and announced for today!! Thinking out side the box or being proactive would have been two great concepts to use for a day such as today.

People are stuck for hours in traffic, they are leaving they cars and are attempting to walk to their destination or just use public transportation, which is not effective to start with!

I think the person who is responsible for inadequate planning should be punished!!

On a day like today

If you visit my profile page today you will notice a slight change, yes that is right I turned 29 today! I'm I freaking out ? yes a little bit : ) but they say age is just a number and what matters is how you feel, I feel great that is not the problem, and I don't worry how I look since if I'm as half as lucky as my mom I will get to my fifties still looking 10 years younger than I am, so that is not a problem, the problem is what have I accomplish, in the 29 years I have dwelled this green earth.

Sometimes it feels like a lot, and sometimes it feels like I'm still scratching the surface of life, did I do all the things I have to do in this life, No ! did I learn all I want to learn, NO ! have I left a mark in this life? thinking Addison I would say no, looking at all the people I know I would say, yes ! But as life has its ups and downs I'm not really sure.

I just have hope against hope that I am growing, I don't want to flip the pages of a calendar and say I have grown a year. I want to taste life, ponder, learn, observe and grow. Did I grow a year in this last year? I did learn a lot ….things have changed for me in so many ways, I can honestly say yes I have grown a year this year. This does not mean at all that I have reached my goal, but it feels warm inside that I'm growing.

Activities for couples in Amman


We all know this all too well, Amman does not have enough non-food related outlets. So since Mohammad and I have been going out daily you kind of run out of places to go, bearing in mind we don't want to triple our waste line by the wedding day, so we try to find places and things to do without food involved, so I'm attempting a list of things you can do in our beloved Amman, and by the way you don't have to be a couple to try these friends can use the extra activities.

Updated
1-Movies: this is the classic choice, its refreshing you can see a light movie and laugh together, or you can see a conversation provoking one depends on your mood .

2- Balling: if you are a fan of the game or not its very nice idea for going out, and we now have at least four balling alleys.

3-Picnics: I love picnics! you don't have to pack a lot of food or any thing, just a rug and some munchies and fruits and off you go, you can spend a very nice romantic afternoon or a whole day, try " abu Elsus" or " wadi al shita" if you live in west Amman they are less than half an hour drive.

4- Walking: taking nice walks in Amman is a challenge, but you can go to several places, the "Hussien Park" is a very nice place for walking, the later the less crowded. If you are fond of old Ammine houses like me, a walk in " Jabal Amman" looking at houses is a great walk, you can choose any thing you like, we even walked a couple of times in down town Amman, walking into quaint little shops. Bottom line walks are great and venues are plenty.

5- Stay at home: it’s a good atmosphere for talking without laud music, it’s a nice bond with his or your family, look through each others photo albums, or listen to music, read a book together "this could be done in the picnic as well"

6- shopping: shopping together for your future home, or something that one of you need, its great fun! And it’s a very bonding activity; believe me you will learn a lot from shopping together.

7- Check the social calendar in the news paper: you will find art galleries, foreign film festivals, and some other types of activities, granted the choices are limited but you will find choices to take you away from cafés and restaurants.

8-Road trip\ drive : From the suggestions of Dima and Qwaider, taking a drive out of town to a favorite destination " dead sea" or " Madaba" for example, while listening to your favorite music.

These are kind of general ideas, you can mix and match them to get your own favorite pastime together. Going to try out a new restaurant or café is fun, but spending all your time there is not healthy so finding additional activities is essential to me at least.

If you have any more ideas please share and I will add them to the list so we can have a list that is more comprehensive for fun activities in Amman.

110

I cannot believe my self, I got to the One hundredth post and I did nothing, it was actually a depressing post! so I said I'm not in the mood of writing about my 100 posts, so I will talk about it on my corner's first birthday, and I missed that one as well !

The problem I'm not in the reflective mood today, but just flickering through my posts for the whole year I can see the ups and downs, my philosophical moods, my analytical moods, and my plain old quarks …so what is the color of your smile kind of thing : )

I feel my corner gives a window into my heart and brains at the same time, I can totally understand your confusion, I started to believe that people have the right to find me strange, I'm cool with that now ! well no one here told me they find me strange, but sometimes " in real life" I get that when someone from work sees me in a social event, some people who know me for years still get surprised from time to time.

I guess this is all for now, not the best piece of writing but I had to mark this post at least it’s a round figure : ) can you guys tell me your favorite post in the corner? Maybe I feel later like using my brain : )

On Being the change you don't want to be

I have seen all my life ladies getting engaged and then turning their back on their friends, she used to spend all her free time with them and after engagement she hardly ever sees any one of the old gang, then she gets married and she totally turns into another person, she would be sitting there but she is not the same person any more!

Now that I have crossed over to the other side, I see things a bit differently, I actually told my friends that as soon as you see me change into something that I'm not tell me and slap me back to my senses. Alas things are never that simple, you go through a major change in your life and its not easy at all, there is this special person that you would like to spend every minute of the day with, but there are other people in the equation, a whole new family " in law" there are the parties you have to plan, there are the phone calls to congratulate, then comes the wedding plans, the furniture and the house and a lot of other things! Take all that and add it to your already hectic life, someone still has to do you job which chances are, is still YOU.

At this point of being very busy and your emotions are all over the place, someone comes and says you don't call me as much as you did before, you are changed! This did not happen to me, my friends are being so supportive, which is the way things have to be. They are great friends and I'm so lucky to have their support. So friends be the source of support and relief to your bride friend and don't be an extra burden.

PS: if I post more than three engagement \ wedding posts in a raw slap me please !!

Climbing a mountain without ropes

Being a person so interested in human nature and relationships, I had so many observations and ideas about human nature and interaction, now I feel I'm being tested to the level of my conviction in my own deductions and advises, that I ever so generously used to share with the world for as long as I could remember.

You have to be patient, relationships need effort and time, trust and mutual respect are the foundations of a lasting love, all of those at one pint or another I had to practice after preaching about for so long.

The new thing that I discovered, and I practiced before I preached (there is a first time for every thing !), its letting go of all your guards and safety nets ! sounds simple, huh ? well in practice not so simple and it gets more and more complicated with age and experience. So what do I mean exactly, simply that the more you are open in a relationship of any kind ,the worse it will be if things don't work out or if the person you are with hurts you, so innately I think people don't open up very fast or completely.

It is simple act of self preservation, the less I open up the less hurt I will be if things go down the drain, me being a person who could not settle for a normal connection in any of my relationships I could not settle for second best with my fiancé, so one of us had to initiate the no guards or safety net. I do not claim its easy but I promise its worth it, because in love its either all the way or nothing, you get a profound sense of closeness and you take your relationship to the next level.

Two Reasons

I did not post for ages! I seem to do that from time to time jut disappear unwillingly for a while. Well I have two reasons for this time, first of all I had to do a LOT of technical writing that my creative part started to quiver into hibernation, This including the fact that I was very busy at work assigned to three different projects besides managing staff.

The second reason is that I got engaged ! can you believe it ? I'm personally still in a kind of a shock myself, he is a great guy my soul mate, we have known each other ( non-romantically) for four years and recently things developed very fast, I'm so happy that one of my friends is now my fiancé. So I'm in the over the clouds and pink classes kind of a phase.

Well I promise from now on more posts, and maybe a bit more details even ; p

One night

Tossing around in her bed fighting ghosts and fears, flooding her pillow with boiling tears. The pain in her heart is too great to take, and the night is too long and dark. She whispers " I love you... I miss you"

Tossing around in her bed fighting a desire to laugh as hard as she can, sweet tears of joy watering her rosy cheeks. The joy in her heart is too great and the night is too long. She whispers "I love... I miss you"

Tossing around in her bed wondering and wishing, she remembers one and she smiles and her soul floats with happiness. She remembers the other and her heart skips a beat, and a small tear materializes in her eye. she remembers herself and makes a small wish in the silence of the night to be as one of them soon. She whispers " I love you ....I miss you".

Different stories…..One night

More harm than good


I had a meeting yesterday in Jabal Al- Natheef yesterday, and I saw this ad if I may call it so. In theory an ad should sell an idea, now I'm not a marketing person but having common sense is enough to see that this will hardly sell any thing.

It totally disregards that smoking is an addiction ! a physiological one to be exact, and should be treated as so, I would think that they had this in mind thus used the religious approach. Which is used in the worse sense ever !

We could dissect on how many levels this is wrong and stupid but I will leave it at that.

Answers….

Walking though the beads door, the strong sent of oriental aromas filled his being with anticipation, with trembling hands and the red of embracement on his face, he approached the lady sitting on the floor in a hallow of colors and sparkle. She pointed to a pillow, he sat there without thinking. His mind was busy thinking of how stupid and rather desperate he was for even coming here.

He could not remember much of what she said later, she looked at his palm, and she threw stones on the red cloth. She said a lot of things that made no sense. Later on while walking in the clod weather with only distant echoes in his head and a sense of emptiness. Looking into people's faces, at droplets of rain lingering on branches.

Little do we all know that seeking truth may be an eluding path that may lead you to scary places. Take you on delusional trips, but the thing people seldom know is that the straight path is the way to the truth answers. It just takes a wise soul and a brave heart.