Friday
My friends and I have this habit of going on early morning picnics, we wake up for the Faji prayer, we pack up and leave on our picnic. And this what we did this Friday, thought this time we were only three but we had loads of fun. We drive around we get to a nice place we spend some time there, then we drive a pit more and we find another beautiful spot we stop to read soret al Kahf together ( since its Friday), we keep hopping around and enjoying the nice view, the great company and the fresh air.

I would recommend this to every one, being out in the fresh air at around 6 am would do you the world of good, getting fresh air, new natural scenery. In addition you get the chance to break the monotony of every day life.

We went to Wadi Al –Shita, Iraq Al-Ameer, Bahath if you know the area well its continues valley that goes from behind Marj Al-Hamam to Wadi Al-Seer.

After that fresh air we had a big apatite so we went to The Bake House, in jabal Amman for a hearty breakfast, the food is really good there, they serve an American style breakfast, and it was absolutely Yummy !

It was a fantastic Friday morning, hope you enjoy some of the photos I took : )

All for now ...

The Book tag…

So I have been tagged by Danah, its not the first tag but this is a one that is actually nice so here it goes…

فقال: (( و الله ما أبدلني خيرا منها، آمنت حين كفر الناس، و صدقتني إذ كذبني الناس، و واستني بمالها إذ حرمني الناس، و رزقني منها الله الولد دون غيرها من النساء)) فكل هذا الإعجاب العظيم من الرسول صلى الله عليه وسلم بخديجة دليل على نبل وفائه و سمو خلقه، وتقديره للعقل الراجح.

So this is a paragraph from a booked called ( Women around the Prophet) by Mohammad Mahdi al Istanbuli and Mustafa Abu Al naser Al Shalabi.

And I here by Tag any one who will like to do this tag : )

I wish I did not know….

Still looking at my screen I reach to my hand bag and get out my lip balm, I love this one its so nice looking and smelling and tasting. I apply some and get back to work. This probably describes something you have done " ladies " million of times so far. But a thought came to mind what is this made of ? so I googled the ingredients of my lip balm and boy O boy I wish I did not!!

Polybutene, petrolatum, lanolin, ceresin, lanolin oil, BIS-Diglycery, polyacyladpate-2,benzyl, benzoate, isopropyl palmitate, stearalkonium hectrorite, ozokerite, limonene, citral, saccharin, propylene carbonate, linalool, benzyl salicytate, benzyl alcohol.

May contain : Micra CI 77019, titanium dioxide CI 77891, Iron oxides CI 77491/ CI 77492/ CI 77499, Yellow 5 lake CI 19140, Red lake CI 15850:1

These are the ingredients, in short they are PETROL, WAX from SHEEP HAIR and several things from citrus peels. So I have been liking for so many months Sheep wax egh !!

Now people lets concentrate this is lip balm !! not even lip color or hair product, this is as basic as things get in the cosmetics world.

I would hate to find out what all those other things contain.

All for now ....

JP meet-up WHY ?

I have been asked several times today if I was going to attend the JP meet up. Well to be honest I was not planning to and I dismissed the idea when I first read about it as unnecessary. And that was that till today.

This lead me to thinking, well why do people who have a blog to express their feelings, beliefs, ideas and views, or what ever reason want to meet other people who do the same thing ? this is strange because many of us are very different in personality, background and education and many other levels. So why is there the need to get to know each other in person ? Well I do understand that when you read someone's blog for a while and you get to know them well and feel you could be friends, Then you suggest to that person to meet. But in a bulk like that! The reasoning eludes me.

The idea is not that strange though if actually meeting people or belonging to group, was the idea behind the blogging thing in the first place, or if its just an opportunity to meet new people and making friends, or is that part a welcomed side effect to blogging? I don't know.

Suddenly I was interested if there is criteria, that makes a good blog and a bad one. If there is low and high level of blogs. Personally in the begging I wanted a place to express myself through, and that was the level of my interest, and I rated good blogs and bad blogs according to the level of my ( liking ) but is there a criteria or something? So I asked the wise wikipedia here is what he had to say:

A blog is a website where entries are made in journal style and displayed in a reverse chronological order.
Blogs often provide commentary or news on a particular subject, such as food, politics, or local news; some function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability for readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of many blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual although some focus on photographs (photoblog), videos (vlog), or audio (podcasting), and are part of a wider network of social media.
The term "blog" is derived from "Web log." "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.
As of November 2006, blog search engine Technorati was tracking nearly 60 million blogs.[1]


So basically Wiki did not know more than I did, hmm back to square one why go to a blogging community meet up?

Stuffing my face !!

I just can't stop stuffing my face, my pants started to loose the wiggle room, which by the way I had to work hard for. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. My brother says I have no will power! Very true

8:00 cheese sandwich in one hand steering wheel in the other
9:00 Coffee and cookies and keyboard ( well if any thing I'm multitasking!!)
12:30 KFC snack box
17:30 Apple Bees lots of food huge portions …then to seal the deal Triple chocolate meltdown absolutely to die for, and of course no room for air even !!

This is only yesterday, but this has been going on for two weeks. I'm even afraid to weigh myself!! So now some one will think why are you posting this?? Simply so I will embarrass my self into a diet. So please no sweet comments only nasty ones to push me back on the diet wagon.

OMG this is my 50th post and I'm talking about how fat I am!! well happy 50th post to me …

All for now ….

View from a plane ….


I got this email today that is talking about the signs of weak "Iman" some of them made sense. but one of them caught my attention, it says (Having mood swings, for instance being upset about petty things and bothered and irritated most of the time. ) well it caught my attention, because its one of the things I have my own philosophical hypothesis. I always say your Iman is like a plane you are in. when its high you can see the high buildings but they don't effect you or stand in your path, if your Iman goes down a little bit maybe the very high sky scrapers will effect you. But as it goes lower and lower houses start to matter, people start to stand in your way, till you may reach to the point that you can trip over a pebble.

When your Iman is high, no problem stands in your way or effect your mood, but as you go lower and lower, even the slightest inconvenience will shake you or change your mood to the worse. For me this is particularly true. I remember at times facing huge problems with a smile, and at times not finding a parking space is very big issue.

Things and situations may change, but if you have great Iman inside you, you will not change and you can face what ever problems you have, with a clear mind and calm heart.


All for now …

Obsessions I

Every one of us has some kind of an obsession, at least one thing we are totally in love with, for example blogging but it could be any thing. Personally I have some obsessions and today I'm going to tell you about one of them.

The Mini Cooper, I absolutely adore this car I adore it, but unfortunately cannot afford it. This is the sad part of this story, but still the same I drool at any cooper I see in the street. When I sell my dear old Mitsubishi lancer I will get a Mini Cooper, but till that happy day comes its a sweet dream …

If you have been moved by this sad love story, send me an email and I will provide you with my bank account details for donations : )

All for now ….

Illusion Vs. Reality

I have spent a couple of weeks convincing my self of something, being busy at worked helped not seeing any one. Until during the weekend I spent some time with one of my best friends and said: I have decided so and so for the following reasons, and she goes: do you believe this ? the problem is I thought I did until she asked the question!

Now, I'm not sure. I'm totally out of balance! She had a counter argument for every logical idea I had to get to my conclusion. I hated it because after being in balance on this issue after a long time was quite a relief, but now I'm back were I was.

Well, I have decided that I don't care if I live in an illusion, it's my illusion and I like it and I will take my illusion any day over someone else's reality. I'm I the only one? I mean do you every prefer a comfortable lie over the painful truth? Well you know how to deal with the lie you have picked for your self, but you don't know how to deal with the uncertainties that come hand in hand with reality.

That’s it I'm guilty I want to be passive and I choose the illusion !

All for now …..

Frustrations


Talk about a bad week, I'm in training all through the week and at the same time I have to do my regular work even though I'm at training for eight hours every day. Well to be honest if my company was not trying to turn me into an accountant against my will! I wouldn't have complained believe me. But instead of hiring a finance person at the office they had me do it, it started out fairly simple and they gradually complicated the damn thing, to the point that I'm doing now what any accountant with a BA in accounting would have been doing. The only issue here is that I did not study finance. But that did not stop them.


I guess that is life it pushes you into directions you did not plan for, you want to hear a funny thing, I got some of the concepts faster than finance managers and senior accountants, seems either I'm a genius or that since it’s an accounting software and I'm the second youngest person in the room I was more in my turf " personally I prefer the first choice"

Tamara's Corner
Feed hosted athttp://labyrinth-of-the-soul.blogspot.com/atom.xml Feed currently contains0 items Last checked feed host2 hours 15 min ago Time until next refresh44 min 44 sec left ...

Another frustration is Jordan Planet, they have added me as a citizen, a link to my blog is there on the planet citizens list, yet there is no feed from my blog, my posts seem not to show on the planet, and every time I get this message, when I check to see if they have posted any thing for me, I go NUTS !! can any one help, and yes I did email the support people there no response yet.

Bottom line, I have been working non-stop for the last 14 days, no weekend ..having most of my meals with colleagues or bosses, the first to get to the office the last to leave and I cannot see the end of my piled up work, EHH and not having feed from my blog on JP, well that just sucks

All for now .....

Restaurant Registry

I have a million things that I want to blog about, but this last week has been just crazy! But I will not write abut that now, next week I will have more time on my hands…I hope ! for now I need your help with something, in my work I have a lot of people coming to Jordan from all over the world, for meetings and trainings and so on, so I have to take them out to restaurants. This part is fairly easy you call the place make reservations for 10 people or what ever the number is, but the problem is with choosing the places.

There are just not enough places in Amman that don't serve alcohol!! If I'm taking them out I don't want any one drinking and I don't care what they do on their own time. So will you please help me start a registry of the places that are alcohol free.

The places I know are :

1- Reem Al Bawadi
2- Wild Jordan
3- Mirabelle
4- Macaronis ( I'm not sure of the spelling )
5- Casarecio


Now I'm not thinking about the kids places, I mean a place I can take senior staff, that serves good food and a good atmosphere. This is really sad a Muslim country that has only five (to my knowledge) restaurants don't serve alcohol. Well there is apple bees as well but its not a place to take senior staff. I know I cannot do any thing about this so please help me assemble a list of the places I can use.

All for now ….

Glorified pain


I'm working late at the office today, it’s a strange feeling being there alone working. Somehow the office seems very different than it looks like during the day.

Working late alone in the office helps get a lot of work done very fast, one you cannot wait to leave so you hustle, and two there are no phones, meetings or annoying coworkers to pop their head in the office and waist your time.

Still no matter what staying late at the office is a PAIN !! no matter how great TV shows make it look like. Did you ever really see a TV show that did not have someone pulling an all-nighter at work, and as a result something great happens for him\her career wise. They make it look so great but in fact its not at all.

Leave you now to go work : (

The week of good news ...

This is an amazing week blogging wise, first Qwaider starts his Qwaider Planet and I get to be part of that, which is an amazing thing and Q is doing a great job on his planet and in introducing new bloggers. So thanks Q
Then this morning I get this email …..

Congratulations!

Your Blog (http://labyrinth-of-the-soul.blogspot.com/) has been accepted and added on Jordan Planet; you are now officially a citizen!
Your posts will be featured on Jordan Planet homepage when you publish them on your blog. Kindly note that due to the heavy traffic on our server, your blog feed will be checked every 3 hours, so please allow the same amount of time to pass before you see your posts.
Keep those nice posts flowing; we love to hear your voice.
Congratulations again and welcome to Jordan Planet!

JP Team

Khalidah El Mufleh

This simply made my day I was so happy and excited finally I'm a JP Citizen! and then I realized something I DID NOT apply, or I cannot remember applying. I checked once the application form just to know what it looks like.

Don't get me wrong I'm very happy I was accepted, I just thought it was strange. In any case JP readers here I come. Ready or not ! I personally was waiting till I prove to my self that I'm offering something new in my blog, but it seems I'm doing a better job than I have expected : )

All in all ME HAPPY : )

All for now

Allow me to introduce you to …you

I like to explore my own feelings in different situations, to better understand myself and better understand others, since in the basics we are all the same. Look at it this way all cakes are made from one basic dough and the difference is the ratio between different ingredients that are always the same, then comes the extras but these extras are but 20 % of the whole cake.

If I understand myself correctly and what its made of, then I will have no problem understanding others, I may have more of one thing that they have less of, but at the same time they have a lot of a thing I have only a pinch of in me. Bottom line is we all have all the ingredients, therefore if you know the ingredients there is no problem knowing the whole.

One catch though ! you have to be honest to your self, and this is not an easy task a lot of people take the short cut and are not that honest with themselves, they try to deny some feelings and ideas they get because they feel ashamed for having them. Come on are you that comfortable admitting to yourself that you envy some people I mean really envy ! are you comfortable feeling selfish, feeling like strangling one of your parents. These are negative feelings that I'm sure we all get from time to time but if we don't explore them and analyze why we felt them, they will come back, and then you will be in the dark then as you are now if not worse.

So by truly knowing your self you will understand others better, and you will be able to improve your self, its like some one who has sleepless nights, if he continues to ignore it he will keep on not sleeping well, but if he takes a moment to analyze the situation, he will find out that for example he has a bad mattress, will he sleep any better knowing that ? he now needs to go a buy a good new mattress, do you see where I'm going with this? And I would bet he would look again at his colleague who is a bit nasty in the morning with lower back pains. Now take these examples and try to see how they relate to you and your life.

So do you really know you …?

The Best relationship ….

What is the best relationship you have? I hear people saying Mom, Dad, my wife\ husband, well you will name who you will, and some will name objects like books, my camera or what ever object related to their passion in life. I ask you why did you name that person or that thing as the best relationship you have?

Are they there for you always? I mean at any time like 24\7 ? Do they help when you need help no matter What? Do they have your best interest at heart and actually what they assume your best interest is actually that ? if you misbehaved with them will they take you back ? what if you misbehaved 10 times will they still do ? do they know you ? I mean really know you ?

I can ask relationship questions all day, I have had some great relationships in my life, built on love and respect, but still they were never perfect, well since simply we as people are not perfect by any chance. But the one and only perfect relationship we all have and share is our relationship with Allah.

He is there for us all the time and hears our prayers all the time, I was just thinking about this yesterday, he hears my prayers no matter what time I decide to pry and has promised to answer them, It does not make a difference if at the same time another person somewhere else was making a prayer. no matter how many bad deeds did we make but when we decide to go back to him he will accept us and forgive. This is why I tell you this is the best relationship in the world, I can name a lot more reasons, and so can all of you.

This is what gives me a sense of security and strength even in the darkest of nights, even where there seems to be little or no hope, I ask him and he answers me, it may not be what I exactly asked for but I know for certain its for my best. And the best thing I need not explain my problem or desire to him because he know all, and thus he will never understand me wrong or punish me for something that I did not do.

Al7amd lak ya Allah anak anta rabi wa la rab siwak"

All for now ….

My Omrah ….

As you know I was away on "Omrah" and a long vacation, the longest I have ever taken, this is why I had the long leave balance. So I took a couple of weeks away from every thing and then I traveled to KSA for "Omrah".

You cannot imagine traveling that long of a distance, dealing with a travel agent and not facing problems, aggravations and disappointments. But no matter what you are happy smiling and just feel that your soul is light.

I had the best time in " Madenah Monwarah" if you have ever been there you must have felt the magic of that place, you cannot simply wipe of that silly smile you have on your face all the time. And no need to tell you how glorious the Haram Al Madani is. Its beautiful serene though full of millions of Muslims, clean , organized and even cool with abundant supply of zamzam water. At one point I laid on the carpets and looked to the beautiful roof thinking I'm here …I'm really hear !

Walking through the streets of Madina you cannot help thinking that on these same grounds did Profit Mohammad walk and his companions; this is where it all happened, an amazing and humbling feeling.



Mecca is another story, true the nature of the place and the people is not as serene as in Madina but still once you walk into the Haram and look at the Kaabah your heart flies with joy. The acts of Omrah took about 2 hours to finish despite the millions of Muslims there, amazing I have never seen as much people as I have seen there.

The cherry on top of the cake was, the 29th night of Ramadan in Mecca and finishing of Quraan, and the amazing Do32 of sheikh Sodais, it was simply touching, the next day it rained in Meccan! I could not believe my eyes rain in Mecca, I felt that hopefully this is a sign from Allah that our prayers from the previous night will be answered.

All in all it was an amazing trip and very cleansing to the soul. And defiantly some good shopping in Jedda : ) you know the chromosome X thing we cannot help our selves.

All for now

I'm Back …it's been GREAT

Happy Eid … Hope all are healthy and happy : )

Home sweet home …. No place like it

Loads and Loads of Work… nothing goes away it just piles up

Winter is settling in ….me happy sweet smelling tea warm blanket and a good book : )

Ramadan and other events

Ramadan Mubarak to all. It has been days since I last posted and I have a million ideas hovering in my head waiting to be manifested in a post, but alas I seem not to be able to get myself to write one whole post, I have written several drafts that never seem to be complete.

First I wanted to post about how it seems that there are two worlds out there in Ramdan, one world where Ramadan means a lazy day and then a festive night eating and drinking and Arigila the whole night, accompanied by playing cards. The other world is where people see Ramadan as a precious time that they wait for the whole year long, to them it’s the time to get closer to one self and to Allah and ask for his forgiveness and graces, they are people you see at " taraweeh". On may way home from Taraweh I pass through Rabia, where the two worlds collide people coming out of the "kaluti " mosque and the dwellers of coffee shops in Rabia.

Then I thought the above was not enough for a post, I wanted to post something about Ramadan and how a great and peaceful time it is, and about the best three hours to make advantage of, which are: the first hour of the day after fajir sinace it’s the time your " riziq" will be set for the day and being awake for it is a great advantage for you, besides praying fajir in jama3a and then staying in the masjid till day break and then praying do7a is equal to an "omrah", the second hour is the last hour of the day, since you have as a person who is fasting a prayer every day that is answered before you break your fasting. The third hour is just before fajir since it’s the last part of the night in which Allah answers prayers, but I thought this post should be in Arabic so did nothing about it.


The third thing that came to mind was yesterday while I was cleaning the book shelves with mom, well I think I will post about this some day when I have time.

I forgot to tell you, my boss has just approved my vacation it starts tomorrow and till after the Eid, so Yippy I'm so happy : ) by the way did I tell you that I'm going to Omrah this year during the last ten days in Ramdan, so if any one wants a prayer there leave me a comment.

Sorry this must be a very painful read, but I'm just too excited about Ramdan and about my vacation and definitely about Omrah.

All for now...

Time for ME…

For a while now I have been so lost in the routine of my life, that I have slowly lost touch with myself. I really needed some time to spend with myself. I tried hard but I'm always cornered ! by people who love me and care about me, but cannot get the concept that a person needs to be alone from time to time.

A friend of mine was facing the same problem; she couldn't get a moment for herself. So we decided to take a trip to Aqaba together, we both needed the time alone, this is why neither of us felt the pressure that we needed to entertain each other, or talk at all.

I got the perfect chance to sit at the beach and look at the sea, feel the cool sea breeze, and fill my lungs with the amazing aroma of the sea. Hours of human silence and nature singing to me, this did both of us a world of good. We got to spend the alone time we needed, we had fun we drove all around Aqaba, even got around to shopping a couple of hours. All in All an amazing trip.

Nothing in this world is perfect, and our trip was no exception to that. But we accomplished our goal and that’s all that matters. We got our thoughts clear, reorganized things internally and got closer to each other. We defiantly had some adventures but that's another post all together.

I'm sharing some of the photos I took in this trip hope you like them.

Unpacking …

I was tagged by Danah to do the questioner about blogging, I actually did it but I had nothing new to ad and it turned out really dull, so I decided against posting it. One of the interesting questions though was, are you happy about the look and content of your blog.? The answer was a big NO, I don't like the look.

I feel that my blog is like a new house that the people moved into, but did not actually get around to unpacking all the boxes. I still did not have a blog roll, the ABOUT section was not filled yet, I don't have categories. Ehh and no cool design.

Finally! I decided I needed to get the ball rolling, I really need to unpack and settle in. so please note my blogroll TDAA. Well its still short I read frequently a lot more blogs, but since its my corner I felt I must have some sort of a connection with the people linked there, or at least really really admire their blog. So this is the first box that was unpacked and it already looks more homey if I may say so myself : )

Special thanks to electro for helping me ad the links, which otherwise would have been impossible. Welcome Danah, Qwaider, Sarah, The Caller and Basem to my home.

Now the about section is about the blog, I'm not sure what I should say about it and thought you guys may help me with this, any suggestions ?

The Three stooges

Okay, so I was out Thursday night, and I had the pleasure and pain of overhearing parts of conversations. It was so funny that I decided then and there to post about them….. This is very funny or at least was for me and very sad at the same time.


Three guys where eating out in Abdoun, near the diseased Abdoun circle and this conversation took place …

Dude # 1 : O God I so wanted to study and concentrate but I couldn't, you know it turned eleven and I still did not study a word !! I couldn’t concentrate at all even though I had the door closed and the AC on!!

Dude # 2: you know Man!! I woke up and there was no one at home, so from the (Gahar) frustration I had two glasses of whiskey (as I recall or another alcoholic beverage)

Now a little bit later in the conversation (if we can call the above conversation) and when they started the (3aret) about how they ignored their girlfriends…..

Dude # 3: you know if you want to get married it will cost you Quarter of a million JDs, and this is not for a fancy wedding, something really 3adi …

Dude # 2 : Man don't forget the pampers and milk that will follow.

During this lovely conversation I really felt like turning around and point my finger at them and laugh my brains out ….looooooooooooool that was so funny at least hearing them was.

Driving back home, I was thinking of how shallow the young generation has become, mind you these dudes were university students, not high school kids. The saying (Petty people talk about people, average people talk about events, but great people talk about ideas) came to mind.

The sad part is that the conversation above could have taken any place in Amman these days. I could not classify the conversation, as about events ( drinking the whiskey or turning on the AC for concentration), or is it about people ( girl friends and no body home ) or is it about ideas ( marriage and the responsibility of kids )

The events are petty, the talk about people was degrading and un-respectful and the ideas were very shallow. I would not comment on the honesty of the conversation since I don't really know the dudes.

How often do you over hear a part of a conversation that people were talking about ideas …books or any thing intellectual, and I'm not talking about politics since not all could be called intellectual !!

What is happening to us? We are loosing our identity. I bet any thing that those dudes did not know who they are or what they want in this life, I bet as well that none of them could answer this simple question, where do you see you're self in ten years.

All for now ….

Mourning ….

Mourning is on of the natural phases in life. Every one of us has to pass through it at one point or another during their life; it may occur to you that mourning is in the calamity of death only.

This is a common misconception in my opinion; since it could be for many reasons, in heart break, in biding farewell to a dear friend, when you lose a hope you had, when a certain phase of your life is over.

The problem is that we don't feel that we have the right to mourn our lost hopes and dreams. This is when the problem starts when we don't get the sadness and disappointment out of our systems. The frustration will be still lurking in the darkness for a long time even if we choose to ignore it. Then at the slightest bump in the road, all those intensely dark feelings we thought we have buried a long time ago spring to life in full ugly glory.

This will lead you to an even bigger darkness and more intense feelings of failure and unhappiness. Until- if not resolved and mourned truly- one day they will snow-ball in a huge monster that the fear of will cripples us for life.

I see two reasons why we fail to mourn or misfortunes, one is the false pretension of strength, the second if the false hope we cling to, the maybes may kill us if we are not careful, and pretending to be strong and invincible may lead to big a hole in you soul.



I call upon thee my phantoms…my monsters …my disappointments …my lost hopes …. All you creatures of darkness come forth and face me ….face the light in my heart …face my belief. For you all must vanish for onces and for all times to come. For even you must know that tomorrow is a new day …and a new hope.

No more Dancing …

No more watching my steps …
No more thinking who is leading and who is following
No more creative choreography
No more counting steps
No more rehearsals
No more hours in front of a life size mirror

People dance for joy, dance for love …people dance in halls and around fire …I danced for hope …but now

My feet are bleeding and I have lost my rhythm so no more dancing for me ....

View

I was thinking that it's interesting how internet in general, bring people closer to each other. You get to know how people spend their days, what do they think, love, hate and believe. And yet if I bump in the street into any of these people, which I interact daily with, I would not recognize them.

Well since I do not really encourage posting personal photos on the web, I wanted to feel closer to you guys, by posting what I look at while communicating with you.

Hence this is the view on my desk at work ; ) you can notice the piles of paper work ….

All for now....

Tears

Crying has always been a subject that I was not too comfortable with. It seems that some long time ago I was told that crying is for the weak, and somehow I managed not to cry in public. now I know that this is not correct and that you need to be very brave to be able to cry, especially in public.

That is no longer the issue, because in time I became accustomed to not crying almost at all, and the problem was when I really really needed to shed a few tears and get it out of my system, it became a Herculean task !

In time again I have learned to cry, mostly in prayer " Salah" or when reciting the holly Qura'an, but still I'm working on getting that capability again in full mode, because I felt that its taking a physical materialization effecting my health, I get back pains, headache and even stomach aches, in addition to other physical manifestations of stress or sadness, every time When I hold any of these feelings in.

Today I got this message from RealAge, and it confirms that its healthy to shed a tear from now and then. I found it interesting ….hope you do too.

Don't hold back the tears. According to the RealAge doctors, a good cry now and
then may do a body good. Just as sweat removes salt, urine removes waste, and
mucus traps bacteria, tears also serve a purpose. Emotional tears -- shed in
moments of intense feeling -- carry stress hormones and are a way of getting rid
of them. Even if crying embarrasses you, it signals that you've reached a level
of stress that's detrimental to your health. So let it out.

Your
body makes several kinds of tears:
Basal tears are produced continuously to keep your eyes lubricated;
that layer of moisture also helps prevent damage from air currents and bits of
floating debris.
Irritant tears are produced when the eyes
are hit by flying sand, grit, insects, etc.
Emotional tears
are released in moments of intense feeling -- sometimes joy, but more often
sorrow. Unlike basal or irritant tears, which are protective, emotional tears
are hormonal and chemically different

All for now ....

One of the colors of my silence

Silence has many colors to me and I believe to many of you as well. Some of my silences are blue, some are green and some read. I came a cross a new color of silence … but I cannot tell what color it is .....

Have you every been in such a beautiful silence that for the hopes of this moment not ending you could not say a word …take another breath….have you ever been in a blissful storm that you did not want to ever end and hence remained silent? Add to that a thorn, would you scream of pain or stay silent because the beauty is more overwhelming than the pain?

One of my silences smell like fear ….smell like hope ….smell like a new born baby …

I cannot tell the color no matter how hard I try to look seems like pink glasses will distort the colors ….have you ever submerged your self totally in water that you no longer can smell …see correctly ….nor hear , but your heart beat and thoughts …this is the new silence I have discovered…I cannot tell you what color it is …can any one tell me what the color of this silence is ?

The Grand Escape

During the years I have faced some bad and stressful times (Haven't we all). At times the circumstances need far more courage than I have at the time to deal with, or need more inelegance to solve the problems than I have. So the mind tends to try and escape …

Sleeping is one of the forms of escape, especially in your teens. We tend to escape thinking of our problems, by sleeping assuming that we have to wait out the storm, which is usually a misconception and at the end we have to face the demons.

Drinking and Drug abuse are also escape mechanisms, much alike to sleeping your mind ceases to function and thus unable to think about all the bad things going on in your life. So your feeling better …well that is until you wake up the next morning.

Work, this is my favorite during this time, I tend to concentrate more on the work on hand, so I will not have the time to think about the things that are too painful to think about. This one of the reasons I think we bury our selves in work !!

Denial which is simply ignoring the problem and pretending it does not exist. In a way it is close to the ways mentioned above, since as well it is in the class of ( not to think of it).

Another type of escape is when we feel crappy about something in our lives, so we look for comfort and satisfaction in something else, like over eating and you have heard of comfort foods !! or partying all the time or even at times over exercising.

These are the forms of escape I have noticed, please if you know any other forms please let me know. You might think why did I post about this ? well I think the problem in many times that we don't know what we are doing, with the sleep for example you would hear people say " I don't know what's going on I just feel tired all the time " its not that they thinking well I have this big problem I will go hibernate till it passes by itself !!

The problem is that most of these things come naturally, and I think facing that will be the step in the right direction, in taking control of our lives.

All for now ....

Post "Tangled" …

Since I wrote "Tangled " it seems that everything in my life got so tangled !! I have officially jinxed myself

At work, we have an audit going on, and if you have ever been in a five mile radiance of an audit you know they are NOT pleasant; there is always this one piece of paper that is missing. Ahhh so not happy times at work.

Decisions, I have to make two major decisions that are kind of "tangled" together. The first is that I'm considering changing my job, I have an interview that is promising this week, I hope it works out! Two is that I'm thinking of buying a new car and I cannot make that financial decision before I know where I'm going to work and how much I will be making.

Things are so tangled at work – besides the usual busy- and on a personal level, in life unfortunately there is no quick and easy solution!! I wish there is a key in life that says ( Solve All Problems).

On another note, I really miss Amman in the winter, all the tourists have gone home, streets are emptier and you can actually have a pleasant meal out without obnoxious kids and Khaliji men!!

Soon I will post something serious I just wanted to let you people know that I'm alive and still TANGLED.

All for now .....

Tangled...

The little butterfly is a caught in the spider's web ...Shaking her fragile wings that have so many times taken her away from danger….

She is still caught in the web...No matter how hard she tries to get out of the web, she is still not able to shake it of ….so tangled in the web that even freeing one of her wings in longer enough.

She needs a burst of energy...a burst of rebellion …a strong effort to get out of the web …to get back to the fields … the flowers …all her friends ...To be again under he warm sun and drink from the pure dew in the morning. She has a lot to aspire for and live for but the spider is getter nearer by the minute.

She has consumed all her energy fighting through the night, and now with the promise of a new warm day breaking through, she is loosing hope in ever being free….

Will she gather all the energy of her being to break through …and fly freely among the fields?

Prince Charming

I have noticed in my self and many of my friends that we are looking for prince charming, some in different ways than others. We have grown up listening to the stories of Cinderella and Snow-white, believing that there is this prince charming that will come one day on a white horse to our rescue.

Some are looking for prince charming that will be a "Prince" financially speaking and rescue the poor "Cinderella", so she is still waiting and believing that one day a prince charming will come along, with his palace and white BMW. She cannot see a solution to her problems which may not be financial at all, the only thing that will make things better is the prince in shining armor that will rescue her from the dragon.

On the other hand other ladies are looking for the other side of prince charming, a prince that knows all the right things to say, the prince that will come in a romantic way, the hope of happily ever after. the prince that will not give up to obstacles…even the ones she sets before him.

On some level all women and girls are looking for their prince charming, and we are somewhat disappointed in the less theatrical proposals and beginnings, without at many occasions knowing that we are looking for the stories that we have grew up dreaming about. I guess we grew up and the dream did not subside ….it grew with us

We are still awaiting prince charming to come and to be all that we have dreamed of and to live a story of our own. Which contradicts in many cases with the reality of things, that no one is perfect, we are not in a story, we are in the real life that has challenges, and we have to have a hand in things, we will have to make some compromises, there is no perfect prince charming that will come with all the solutions.

We have to work for the happily ever after part….but still the hope of prince charming is still much alive as ever.

Make a difference ….

We all feel so powerless sitting in our sofas facing the TV screen, looking at the horrid images of our dying brothers and sisters. They are being killed every day in so many places, Palestine, Iraq, Lebanon and the list is growing longer every day. And we are still doing what we have always done, sit in our sofas looking at the screen. Feeling sad..angry …frustrated. And then what? Nothing we grow out of it, we get used to it and go back to our lives, if we can call them lives with no dignity or freedom.

Some people or let's say most people, call on leaders and politicians to do something, take a stand with our brothers against our enemies. Personally I don't feel this will work, before you bite my head off let me explain. If the leaders of our world call upon their people "Us" to go fight, will we ? don't be so quick to judge, some will I have no doubt and I hope I will be one of them, but lets look at it this way, you will have no job and hence no income for your family and children, do you awn your home ? where are your children going to be if you leave every thing and join the army?

Now during the fighting which requires hard work, do you have training for that? Even if you did not and where assigned a no-skill assignment are you in good enough physical shape to take the hard labor involved? Or did smoking and greasy food leave you gasping for breath?

I don't want to disappoint anyone, and I'm sure not with just standing still, but I'm all for being logical and planning, so what is the solution? A strong army and trained reserve army " you and me '" but the question is how?

Total reform, once we were the most educated nation, we had the best doctors and scientists, The strongest army and economy, And now NOTHING of that. I cannot imagine having a team assigned to me at work comprised of people in bad shape , lazy, would rather read the news paper than work, smokes and is totally incompetent!! let a alone of risking my life and country by leading a whole army of this kind of people.

I wanted to write a list of things we can all do, but decided against the idea; I'm rather explaining my perspective on things, leaving the details to every one of us to see how he or she can make a difference and not just be a number.

If our society starts being more positive and taking more initiative, in our day to day lives we will be better off. If you see garbage in the street do you remove it ? do you throw things out of your car while driving because your too lazy to take to the right place, are the cameras the only thing, that is stops you from speeding and running red lights? Do you do your job with dedication or are always looking for ways to do less and get credit for more? Do you pray fajir ?

I'm talking hear of minor examples, do you take bribe money or do you give bribe? There are many many such questions, and until most of us can answer them the correct and responsible way, we will go no where !! we will keep on watching TV and looking for solutions that are not solutions , but rather hangers that we deicide to hang our defeat upon.

Each one of us can make a difference by improving one or more person we know. If you can make a difference in the society around you to the better, maybe one day we will deserve to be the winners rather than the losers. Maybe we will have a strong economy maybe we will put through politicians that are honest, not our relatives that will get us jobs and university seats….maybe one day we will clean the fungus that is killing us from within …then we will lead a victorious army and pray at the Aqsa together.

Winning is a joint effort...

Smoke and Mirrors

I have been following a few blogs during last week, and I'm surprised to the amount if Israeli comments on any post about what is going on in Lebanon.

Some posts have more Israeli or pro- Israeli comments than Arab comments. You have to give it to them, they are masters in public relations, propaganda, and media. We suck at it.

They occupy our land, they come out being people returning to their home land in peace. They kill women and children and starve them, deprive them of basics of a decent life and much more, and they are these poor people defending themselves against the brutal Palestinian children, and their rocks of misdirection. They bombard villages and kill convoys of civilian safety seekers, and they are helping the region regain stability from the Bad Bad hisbulla.

On the other hand, we loose our land "since for ever" get kicked into asylum, and we end up the bad guys who don't want to live in peace with our sweet neighbor. We try to defend what is left of our torn land destroyed homes and raped women and we are terrorists who kill civilians.

The truth is on our side, but we are so stubborn and mislead, to think that only the truth will get us the international support we need for our cause. We need to do a better job at showcasing the truth and the brutality of the Israelis.

Even thought the blogs are ours they feel obliged to comment, and correct our wrong views ( according to them ) even thought our news agencies are against them, they accept to guest on them, even though they know in advance that they will be cut of, but even a couple of sentences is worth for them. but for us ...well no so much!

Until we get out of our cocoon, and start facing the reality that we need to work harder on improving our image, and promoting our causes, the way we will design a promotion for any product or service we will be beaten. twice !

All for now ….

Bad Dreams .....


Zzzzz…..killing of women and children in Iraq

Zzzzzz …..Killing of women and children in Gaza

Zzzzz……Killing of women and children in Lebanon

Zzzzz….. Corruption

Zzzzz……No Justice

Zzzzzz….Terrorism

If you are sleeping …you can only be dreaming, right?

A Fool among experts


I have no words to describe what is going on in Lebanon, nor can I describe my feelings towards the entire political situation. But what I felt I really needed to talk about is the general knowledge in politics by the general public!!

I was having dinner with my parents and some family friends, the talk on the table …Politics! This I could understand from veteran politicians and activists. Even if I don't agree with them.

I went to the salon and the talk of the day as well is politics, what's going on in Lebanon, I got the pleasure to hear salon workers, who I doubt finished high school, analyze the political situation and the economical and social impact of the current offence on Lebanon.

I was at this place with university students- still not graduated- and yes you have guessed, they as well have their own opinions. but don't look at the specifics here, I bet you used a taxi, the driver of which gave you his view on the matter, as well as the man in the Dukaneh.

Is it just me or does not politics and political analysis need experts, people who at least know history, economics, and some kind of a political knowledge, I bet most of the people providing these analysis, don't know the political history of Sudan or Iran or any other Arab country except their own. Most of which cannot even name most of the Arab presidents, kings and princes.

What frustrates me is that every one is a political expert; they all know the motivations of all the parties involved, they all know why …every one knew this will happen. Every one has the true numbers of Huzb Allah's weapons. they all know it all and more than the real experts and actual politicians.

I guess I'm the only one who is totally clueless …Alas I'm the fool among experts.

My Salad theory and some of my Favorites (to Eat and drink)

I came home late last night after watching Pirates of the carbine, the thing that I was thinking on the way back is, I would love to have some "batee5" before I go to sleep. That is exactly what I did! Did I ever tell you that I absolutely LOVE water melons; they are my favorite fruit and if I was asked would I rather never eat chocolate again or batee5, I will give up chocolate in a heart beat.

I thought it would be fun to post my favorite stuff to eat and drink. Realistically I cannot fit my favorite things from all categories in one post.

So here you go ….

# 1, Batee5
#2, Bandora ( tomatoes) they are my favorite vegetable" I know they are fruit " I love them in any form or shape.
#3, Tea, plain black, flavored, green tea, green tea with flavors as well.
#4, Salt…don't be surprised I love salt I cannot have a meal without adding extra salt to it, I love every thing salty, including the sea : )
#5 chocolate
#6 Jarjeer " Rocolla or Rocca " I love this salad, Italian way or plain old Jordanian way.

This is the list individual items I love, in general I love fruit and fresh veggies, Italian food, and Salads. But I tried to mention individual favorites not food groups.

On the food issue, I would like to share a theory I have, people are either SALD people or SOUP people. I have noticed from the people I know that the people who really love soup don't really care for salads, meaning that they will not miss if it was not there, and salad people on the other hand don't mind never having soup. There are exceptions of course but this is what I have noticed, I crave salads but could care less about soup. so what are Soup people or Salad people ?


This is not the right subject before lunch : ) …I must go out for a salad.

All for now ....

Refresh your spirit

Make today the day you do something you have never done before, our days pass by in routine what ever that maybe, and no matter how busy and hectic your life is. Most of us spend days and weeks and some times even years never doing something out of the ordinary. this will slowly but surly kill your spirit.

I call on you to do something that you haven't ever done before or have not done in a long long time. Something that you love, or have loved and forgot that you have loved once, or one of your dreams that help you fall asleep at night, and the idea that helps you through the gray days.

Why don't we all put a list of those things and start doing something new every week at least. When was the last time you drove all the way to Madaba to eat at Haret Jdudna. Or when did you last watch the sun rise in the morning.

It maybe different from one person to another, for me its when did I last hold a painting brush in my hand. Too long I tell since my last art work. It maybe something big or something small, but I promise it will lift your sprits.

The other day I went out with my friend and we did a couple of strange things. Which was fun a great go-crazy evening. It felt so refreshing so I thought I must think of one thing every week, that I did not do in a long time or ever for that matter and go and do it.

I wish you all a fulfilling life : )

How old is your brain ?

This time I'm not talking about the philosophical side, but the actual physical. I found this nice test given by doctors, try it is fun and informative.

Stand on one leg and close your eyes. The longer you can stand without losing your balance, the younger your brain is -- 15 seconds is very good if you are 45 or older. Have someone spot you if there's any chance you might not recover your equilibrium in time to avoid a spill.

I hold no responsibilities for physical injuries, so please be careful while trying this exercise. And I hold no responsibility for any ego injuries if you turn out to have an old brain : )

So How long did you stand ?

Shoppotherapy

This is a new word that I have just coined, which obviously means therapy with shopping. The other day I was feeling a little bit sad and not my usual self, but after going shopping with my friends, and buying a couple of items, I felt really good and excited about my new purchase.

To be honest, for a moment my conscience was giving me a hard time, since I spent a generous amount on a new "Abaya" and a bag, the thought that some family would spend that much on food for a month. Was painful to swallow, but still I coughed up the cash and left the store with a grin on my face.

This got me thinking, what is it that gives us the thrill from shopping? That it overwhelms even an alive conscience as mine (or at least I try to have)? I read a little bit on the subject and here are a couple of theories.

Fist theory, says that the women's role since ancient times was to be the gatherer, as apposed to the man who is the hunter, so we get a sense of satisfaction from upholding our role in life, we gather the things we need. And we take the time in the consideration if that thing is really needed and which is the best. So all in all some say it is the sense of accomplishment.

Second theory, is that women are care givers by instinct, so buying things for the people they love, gives them a sense that they are providing them with care, it goes as well when they shop for themselves, they are taking care of themselves especially at the times they are feeling particularly low, and no one else is providing them with care or not caring enough, they take care of themselves.

Third theory, (which is my own) I agree with the above mentioned theories, and they both may be true and vary according to individual and time. My theory is a complementary to those two, it is the sense of security and worth in the physical possessions, we are becoming a global community of consumers and we are encouraged in many ways to consume more, in addition to the fact that the society is measuring people, and success in a purely materialistic way, this leads people with low self esteem to give more worth to themselves by owning more things.

The reason why we enjoy shopping as women may be a combination of all of the above and more factors, it is different from one individual to another and from one time to another.
In order not to fall in the trap of emotional satisfaction, from materialistic things, it is wise to consider the reason we are driving the nearest mall or shopping center. So that we can treat the problem with the accurate tool, it may even be the plain and simple as I really needed the new bag!

All for now….

One of the colors of Silence (Blue)


Sitting in the silence, in the midst of hurricane.

Listening to the to the hallow mourning of my soul….

Listening to the weep of a baby …

Listening to the creepy silence of deaf ears

Breaking in sweat to maintain the silence

Since the words that are ours are the ones still not said.

Now did you know that one of the colors of silence is blue ?

Good Morning …

Open your eyes to a new day of dreams….

Sun kisses you good morning ….

Refreshing water wakes every cell of you ….

Find a sweet message on your phone ....

Fresh morning air fills you with happiness

Coffee to greet you to a new day …

A full inbox of caring friends …..

What else may you want for your mornings ?

One month anniversary



I have just discovered that I have been blogging for one month, I have 14 posts in one month, not bad if I may so myself : )

I still don't know how to make a photo appear in the middle of the post.

I still don't have a blog roll

I still don't have a design for my blog

Any volunteers : )

So people, do you think I should continue of just stop ? do you think its worth while ( fishing for compliments obviously, but as well seeking honest opinion )

All for now ....

كن طفلا و كوني طفلة

لكي تدركوا حقائق العالم كونوا أطفالا ....تسائلوا ؟ إبحثوا و لا تسلموا بكل ما تعرفون أو تظنون أنكم تعرفون .

الأطفال أفضل باحثين في العالم و أفضل المفكرين و الفلاسفه ....أتذكرون متى كانت آخر مره سألتم لماذا ؟ أتعلمون كم مرة يسأل الطفل ذلك السؤال ؟ معظم ما نعرف أو نعلم هو نتاج فكرنا حين كنا أطفالا ....و معظم جهلنا هو بسبب بعدنا عن أسلوب الطفل في السؤال ...نقبل الأمور كما هي و لا نسأل لماذا .

النتيجة أنصاف مثقفين ....و أنصاف مفكرين ....و جهال ...لا نعرف أن نجيب على سؤال بسيط مثل "لماذا ؟"عن أهم قرارات حياتنا و عن أهم أعمدة فكرنا ، ببساطة لأننا نعتقد أننا نعرف و لككنا في الحقيقه في غياهب الجهل. الى أن نعود الى كوننا أطفال نريد أن نتعلم و نسأل و نتأكد قبل أن نسلم بما يخبرنا به الآخرون .عندئذ نكون قد بدأنا نتعلم ....

لننظر من عيون الأطفال الى العالم ....جرب أن تكون طفلا يوما واحده و لا تقبل أي حقيقة على ما هي عليه و إسأل لماذا ؟ و ما هذا ؟ و لما هذا ؟ عندها سوف تكتشف كم كنت جاهلا عندما لم تكن طفلا ....
كن طفلا و كوني طفلة و لا تبالي ....فهكذا تبداء الطريق و تكبر بدلا من أن تنكمش

One of the colors of silence

Sitting here in the silence...my finger tips caressing the keyboard, a slight smile on my

face...Entertaining the thought of complete and utter honesty ….

Contemplating turning a rock

Contemplating not to kiss toads

Contemplating….. the idea

What if ….and what if not?

What is more important the greater good or peace of mind?

Could you get an adrenaline rush sitting in the silence and entertaining an idea?

Am I so astringed by new ideas ….am I so used to be innovative?

Why cannot I disappear in the crowd ….

Why do my ideas have such a load voice and a faithful audience.

Maybe I will hide under a rock ….why do I have to free the creatures under rocks …why don't I join them ….

Stereotypes….

So where are the camels and the tents? That was the question my boss asked me when he came to Amman, he continued "you know Americans we love to stereotype" that was a funny joke, but at the time I did believe that only American brutally label people and nations.

Recently, I have noticed that we put some sort of socially accepted format, for each of the types and ignorantly label and judge people accordingly.

My Aunt and her husband are religious or pious people, in lets call it the traditional way. Meaning she wears the veil in a certain way and has studied shri3a at university and he has a beard and says Al Salam 3leikom, you know they are shyoukh.

So, one day they are visiting at our house and I was attending training so I come in home at 10 pm. they give me this look of disapproval!!

Every time I say something about religion they look to me in non-acceptance and try to defend Islam in front of me, in the most stupid way any one can do it ….by pretending or believing that I don't know any thing at all and try to cover up and explain things the wrong way-simple and superficial way- so I don't get the wrong thing from the correct concept. And mind you I do wear hijab and don't wear makeup in public meaning that I have the look of the religious. But still to them I'm not.

I should be staying at home, or be there before sunset. Don't speak to any man that is not my relative and be (m3a2deh), no travel no going out with my friends. To fit the type and get the social stamp of approval.


On the other hand there is the other side. I walk in to nice restaurant or a hotel and I get these queer looks, for them I don't fit the surroundings I'm too m3a2deh for the place.

The other side as well rules me out. I'm not from the cool bunch because I don't fit the format, and I wear hijab, which is a big head turner when ever I go to see a movie.

A friend of the family was working with the Jordanian peace keeping Forces in Kosovo, when a group of them went to local restaurant, the other guys with him started hitting on the ladies in the most grouse way, thinking they were cheap ladies due to the way they dressed.

He had to explain to them, that this is the way they dress here and that this does not mean they are looking for "something".

It is very sad for us that we keep on judging by the cover, I cannot see how people can live their lives by just the superficial look.

Seems that for the time being I will fit in no "Type". and I'm very happy and proud of myself for being unique enough not to fit a TYPE.

All for now ….

Tamara in Aqaba

I love the new shops and Cafés
I hate the plastic bottles in the sea
I love the organized traffic
I hate the dirty public beaches
I love the beautiful cold water
I hate the rates we have to pay for hotels
I love corrals
I hate the steel pipe on the bed of the sea
I love the sea
I love fish
I love the sunsets
I love boats
I love Aqaba